What do you do when the people you look up to let you down?
Chester Bennington gave a voice to the angst, confusion, pain, chaos and anger that an entire generation felt. He gave words to what I was feeling, he made me feel understood and that gave my painful brain some solace between my earplugs on bus rides heading to school which I knew would be awful. I quoted lines from his song to myself when I needed a guiding voice. He sounded like he'd been through a whole lot and he was reaching out to people who felt the same way through his music. I looked up to Chester. There came a time when listening to Linkin Park became a super solo exercise that only found mass release on drunken karaoke nights. Yet, we all sang all his songs, start to finish with exactly the same gusto as we'd heard it. His suicide has hit the music world hard, it's hit all his fans hard including me.
Up until a few weeks ago, I would've just been plain angry with Chester. I've always believed suicide to be a cowardly, selfish escape. I still feel angry somewhat. But I also feel scared. Chris Cornell, who would've turned 53 yesterday killed himself more than a month ago. Chester and Chris were close, Chester looked upto Chris and I can't help but feel that Chris also let Chester down. All the news I've been reading says Chester had a drug problem, he was abused as a child, he was an alcoholic. This sounds so familiar, the music world is full of such stories. However, the reason for his suicide has so far been given as depression. I can't say I know enough about it. But I know it is real.
I hope we find it in ourselves to forgive our idols because we will never know what they were going through. Thank you for the music Chester and I'm sorry. I'm going to binge on your music now. Rest in peace.
#RIP #linkinpark #chesterbennington #depression