elememinist elememinist

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Lara Margaret Marjerrison 💋  Eleutheromaniac. Storyteller. Global traveller. Poet —> @insidestoriesTO #lifetakesguts #iloveyourguts

Perfect light. Day’s end. Still light at 6pm. Spring’s coming. We will be warm again. #februaryfullmoon #myview

Last night’s pre-birthday birthday party. Fun times! 🥳
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#family #familyfun #prebirthday #happybirthday #jazmania #14 #bigkids

⛄️

Truest love.. ♥️ #myjaz

Me and Jazmania—South African Bobsled Team—are having our own Brockville Winter Classic. Results: we’re both on the DL. He needs a face transplant and I need knee surgery. 🤪
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#brockvillewinterclassic #menjazmania #luge #bobsled #100mileanhourhill #zooooom #ouch #winterfamilyfun

On this day of acknowledging and celebrating love, and after posting last evening about my ongoing experience of grief, I feel I ought to point out that the place I was in in that moment (see roses below) is not a place I allow myself to stay. I allow grief, when it surfaces, the space it requires to be expressed—sometimes it’s a few tears, sometimes a torrent—but, then I allow it to secede. There is a fine line between giving it space and allowing it to drown me. The former is healthy; the latter is not. I have, to quite a large degree, made peace with my sister’s choice to end her own life. But, not entirely and not in every moment. It’s is a moving, changing, evolving, living, breathing thing, this grief. And, I share it with you because I believe it’s important to do so, to not hide from it or hide it from others. We humans have countless opportunities to unite in our very raw humanness and it is my desire to create and hold space for that, so we all might feel a little more connected and a little less alone in this mad, mad, exquisite, wide, wide, beautiful world. Emotions ebb and flow. They shift and morph, one into another and another. If you can allow for that, surrender to the truth of it, freedom can be yours. From me, with love.. 🧡

#lifetakesguts #iloveyourguts @insidestoriesTO

How often these days a trip to the grocery store becomes another punch in the gut. Springsteen on the PA, choosing ice cream and my eyes landing on the Pralines and Cream label next to my flavour of choice, the Werther’s Original candies next to the baking ingredients I’m picking up, a bouquet of roses in her favourites colour I normally would have purchased and delivered, but now have no place to go. She’s dead. She’s still dead. She’s more dead than before. I forget and remember and the pain sears through me again. When I encounter her favourite things, all the tiny things that made her her. I stand in a random aisle staring at the shelf, blinded by tears, attempting to compose myself, with a lifetime of images passing through my mind. I wonder how we got from there to here. I can’t make sense of it. Then the anger arises. Then impatience with my son, who’s only trying to show me the Valentine cupcakes. People talk about grief and loss, but nobody can prepare you for the thousand cuts that come after it. Nobody can prepare you for the thousand reminders of another life intricately woven into yours then ripped away. Or the agony of living that ripping-away moment over and over and over again.. triggered in the grocery store, by a Pringle’s can on a flight home from The Bahamas, with one glimpse in a fleeting moment driving past the place we lived together, my first home in the city, or the place she last lived, the place where she died. What once brought joy now brings pain and a vacuum of nothingness, which may in itself be the most agonizing part. I cannot help wondering.. if she knew, if she really knew the paralyzing enormity of all this, would she still have believed it the right thing to do? 💐
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#memories #bitsofmysister #suicide #suicidesurvivor #suicidesucks #athousandcuts #yeartwo #tearoses #deadvalentinesday #insidestories @insidestoriesto

The proud face of a woman who just finished her first ever spin training class for @f4lbr at @ymcagta 🚲 #friendsforlife #bikerally #cyclist #rideforlife #yayme #pleasedonate
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Please contribute what you can to my fundraising goal in memory of my sister (an avid cyclist, injured while cycling, which ultimately led to her suicide) and in support of this incredible organization ♥️: (URL—>) http://pwaevents.org/elemem

I woke up like this.. #majestic

Sometimes I wish I was a painting, cast in golden hues, ageless, timeless, unaffected by the madness this humanity imbues. 🎨 #musing #insidestories @insidestoriesto

Snow-day decisions, decisions. Fellow readers, what say you? Got a fave among these picks? @darnius, what say you, good sir? 📚
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#annieproulxbooks #mohsinhamidbooks #anthonydoerrbooks #lisagenovabooks #dostoyevski #tolstoy #booklover #wordnerd #bookporn #whatshalliread

What’m I thinking? 💋

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