Week 1 down!
Wow it’s been a hectic week! A lot going on with job hunting, finding new flat mates, business and squeezing in the essential nature hangs and socialising.
It was a shaky start as I dealt with the cravings of what I had cut out, the extra work on my plate and and the financial strain, however, there was so much learning and growth along the way. I’m feeling more energised, more motivated and clearer in the mind and best of all it has been a great time to practice compassion and gentleness towards myself.
I’m not perfect, although I try to be. Perfectionism was something that has been engrained in me from a young age. It stops me from sharing, from feeling enough and I can see how it’s sneaking back into the limelight. “I should be perfect”, “I should be able to just quit everything cold turkey!”, “Who the hell will want to work with me if I can’t even do it myself”. These are the incessant thoughts that rampage my mind, that tear me down and make me feel like shit. But the kind and encouraging voice is still there, somewhere in the background when this other dialogue is loud. I listen for it, search for it, in times that I am feeling my worst. What I want most is peace and in order to find peace you must stop the fight, you must find someway to accept that “I am, where I am and I’m doing the best I can with what I’ve got”. Everyone’s path is individual, is so unique. We each have to battle our inner demons with whatever resources we got. This detox helps he to see the demons that lurk in the shadows and to embrace them back into wholeness, to choose to love all parts of myself, good and bad.
I had a beautiful reminder drop in on the weekend when I was looking after my niece and nephew. Of the natural instinct to be encouraging, loving and trusting in their growth and development. We as humans never stop growing and learning but we can be so hard on ourselves. The way we speak to ourselves is not how we would speak to a child yet we don’t give ourselves a break when we mess up and stumble.
Be gentle, trust that you’ll find your way, and be kind and encouraging, like you would with a child. .
Pic by Lukasz Szmigiel from @unsplash