drsmashlove drsmashlove

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πŸ‘‰ DrSmashlove πŸ‘Œ  Unlicensed Gynecologist 🌷 Memes + musings on life, love + smashing πŸ‘« Please DM for pic credit! πŸ“Έ Chicago πŸŒƒ Syria relief - click link ❀

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IF YOU'RE READY TO CRAWL BACK INTO BED FOR A "I GOT NOTHING DONE THIS WEEKEND AND TOMORROW IS MONDAY" DEPRESSION NAP, I GOTCHU, GETCHOE MF ASS UP, GO HAVE AN ICED COFFEE WITH THREE (3) SHOTS OF ESPRESSO, TAKE A NICE HOT SHOWER AND ATTACK THE FUCKING AFTERNOON, U GOT A WHOLE HALF A SUNDAY LEFT, MAKE THE FUCKING MOST OF IT BLESS UP πŸ€—πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Now look Bruh every little boy falls in love with his first grade teacher. Don't matter if she old, young, pretty, ugly, thin, 'generously-sized' ... that's the first mama figure in his life other than his mama and he liable to catch feelings. Now when I went to school, teachers weren't pretty. They was all fifty-infinity years old, not terribly nice, and pulled they high-waisted pants over an epic case of FUPA. Basically the sex appeal of a turkey sandwich with mayo πŸ€—. Mine happened to be overweight with a brown mullet, thick glasses and a small mouth so that her grill piece kind of looked like a Snapchat gag filter but in real life lol. Nonetheless, like clockwork, a couple quarters in, I dreamt of her in a pink swimming tutu spinning around and being seductive. I woke up confused and full of shame, clutched my blanket, and wept 😒 lol. But see kids in school today got a whole nother challenge. They ain't gotta feel any shame when they fantasize about they teachers because they teachers fine - and freaky - AF now πŸ€—πŸ˜‚. My lil homegirl is a teacher and low key look like a porn star version of Halle Berry (in fact if she did porn she would have no choice but to go by 'Cali Berry' which incidentally is the best porn star name ever). Now then, a lil man in her class recently told her he loved her. Then he proposed, saying "will you marry me when I finish growing up" 😫. Hold up...then she was trying to teach a class and he kept talking nonstop so she accidentally let out a "shut up" under her breath and he looked at her like "well that was mean 😞" then looked at her again with love in his eyes πŸ˜‚. Finally, later that week, he was waiting for his ride after school and she caught him staring and she said "what??" And he said "nothing, just looking at you 😍." Then he hugged her and gazed upon her with the most love-struck gaze a boy has ever visited upon another woman. All I can say is, shout to u teachers, Bruh. We gon have a whole new class of kids turning 18 and going back and marrying they first grade teachers because of y'all. And y'all shouldn't resist! Go getchoe groove back, Stella! I ain't mad at y'all! Bless up! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

See Bruh I play fight with girls. That shit low key take some courage. Because every once in a while I find one who's ratchet AF and she legit put a hurt on me and then I gotta do that six year old choking crying laugh like "hahaha ... you punched me in the throat ... LOLOL 😒 ... I ... AKHAH - HUKH πŸ˜– ... hahaha nah I'm good just tryina ... breathe right ... [cant actually breathe] ... imma hit the bathroom LOL HANG ON I'LL *wheezing, trying desperately to fill lungs with oxygen* IMMA HOLLA AT U SIT TIGHT RIGHT QUICK!" *wiping tears* #CarefulOutThereBoys #IfSheWasRaisedWithBrothers #SheGotAHigherPainToleranceThanYou #AndSheGonFightTillBloodComeOutYoNose #FairWarningForYouBeginners πŸ˜΅πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

I wanna eat this adorable ass lil cinnamon roll cat with Cinnabon Frosting (or, as I call it, "Semen Sauce" πŸ€—πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚)

HELLO LIL NEIGHBOR, CAN I BORROW SOME SUGAR? LOL JK I DON'T NEED SUGAR I DON'T ACTUALLY RUN OUT OF THINGS BECAUSE I SHOP AT COSTCO AND BUY A LIFETIME SUPPLY OF EVERYTHING (FROM DEODORANT TO COFFEE FILTERS TO PRINTER PAPER πŸ€—) I JUST CREATED A BOGUS REASON TO COME BY AND BOOP YOU ON THE NOSE πŸ˜πŸ™ƒπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

(@theamericanizedfrench) THIS IS WHY I KISS DOGS ON THE MOUTH DESPITE NOT BEING CAUCASIAN. IDC IF THEY PICK UP DEAD ANIMALS WITH THAT SAME MOUTH. THEY DESERVE IT πŸ˜πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

LET'S ADDRESS THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM - HOMEBOY BEHIND THE PUP IN CREASED, STARCHED, CUFFED DENIM WITH CRISPY, SPANKING NEW WHITE CROCS ON #legend #hero #idol #WhereHeAtDoe πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

U know how there are DJ's on Instagram with the bio "the roof ain't mine but I will raise it"? What if this doggo is in a relationship with an unscrupulous / reckless female doggo who was sleeping around at the time of conception and gave birth to a pupper who isn't his? He could start an IG account and say "the floof ain't mine but I will raise it" #ok #ImDone #forever #WhyDoYouGoodPeopleFollowMe #HonestlyGetOutWhileYouCan #NoGoodCanComeOfThis πŸ˜•πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

(@thenewsclan) FINNA ADOPT FIVE PUPPERS AND NAME THEM PANCAKE, BISCUIT, MUFFIN, WAFFLE AND HASHBROWN LEH GO πŸ˜πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

So recently I posted a caption about finding a man with a good work ethic. My lil homegirl @tiggerbyythetail messaged me with some thoughts that were too good not to share. I done told y'all - I'm not smart - I just see and hear shit that inspires me and pass it on. Without delay, here goes her lil piece, with only modest editorial edits: Smash I love your post on hedge fund guys but I have to take it one step further...Why are women looking for a man to grab to take them to the "top" so to speak? Why not get there on your own OR find a man you love and help him build his empire from the ground up? Why not be just as ambitious and motivated and driven as you are expecting him to be? My man and I met in welding school, we were the best two in the class and constantly competing against each other but also pushing each other to do better and sharing things we learned along the way. The clutch on his truck broke while we were in school together so I used to pick him up in the morning (also before we were dating)...Usually he would be coming out the door late, cold piece of pizza in one hand and his shirt in the other. He was a mess. To say the least but easily the most hard working man I had ever met. Before him I dated the type of guy you were talking about and had the exact same thing happen, he lost his job and for 3 years I busted my ass to pay the bills because yep, he wouldn't take a job "below him". The bottom line is, I work hard and I take care of the stuff my new man needed help with...He has clean shirts and breakfast and lunch made and he treats me like I'm made of gold. Project guy > hedge fund guy ANY DAY. Oh and the hedge fund guy magically got a job in another state (without telling me about applying for jobs in other states) and left. But thank God because I'm about a hundred times happier now! My guy was already a good guy, and I was already a good girl, but together as a team we're really great. :) I'm not riding anybody's coat tails to the top, instead we support each other so we can both get there.. Or at least our little blue collar kind of top. Hahaha <-- BLESS UP 😍

New rule: if u out with a girl and she order a Hennessy and Coke at dinner Bruh she a keeper. She a cot damn keeper IDGAF. This right here is a girl who was raised around grown men. I'm not saying she ain't feminine - in fact she very feminine - I'm just saying she's punched a man in the face. Not because she's crazy but because he was actin like a lil bish so she had to make him man up and the only way to do so was to give him a dose of act-right. U feel me? This the type of chick who actually used to hate Hennessy because she tried it with her papa for the first time and puked and was like "fuck Hennessy 😡" and her papa was like "ess okay bebita jew try again next week eet tayss better." Beware tho. She gon have u over and fix u a Hennchata and u gon think shit sweet like "oh hell yeah horchata with a little liquer why not" and then two days later u face down in an alley with your butthole feeling a little sore and u just like "WTF HAPPENED." Now look Bruh I've never been out with a white girl who ordered a Hennessy and Coke and I'm not saying that this type of white girl steals ... ... ... I'm just saying if she Caucasian and she order this drink, she might 'borrow' πŸ€—. Like u pick up your wallet and swore u had ten 20's in there and u only see eight 20's but u swear she wouldn't steal. Don't worry Bruh she'll get u on the next pay cycle. Or she'll give u life-changing throaty and you'll forget about the money entirely πŸ˜‚. Bless up! πŸ˜πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

(@hoegivesnofucks) *fills pantry with 3,000 packets of pupper ramen noodles* *cooks a new pack nightly* *fills home with beautiful home-cooked puppers* πŸ˜πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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