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dragonroost dragonroost

524 posts   94 followers   94 followings

  ローレン☆ owner of an ice box heart who can't control her feels. i like the legend of zelda, good music, and you. also, cats.

What

I’m going to have to restart again. But maybe this time I won’t die 9000 times.
Thank you so much to everyone who texted, messaged, called, and reminded me that no matter how little and lowly I think of myself I am loved and appreciated today. You have made my birthdays something amazing. I’m so grateful for you and for everything. Life has been really hard but today I was blessed with so many kind words and gestures and gifts I don’t really deserve. But thank you for beginning that long road to realising that I do. I love you guys.

Oliver’s first snow. He doesn’t seem to want to experience it at all. #catsofinstagram

“I’m really sad it won’t be a white Christmas.” – me, before going to sleep last night

I still have so many things I want to say. So many things I want to put into eloquent words on digital paper. I want to remind others that we will be okay. That while our hearts will continue to be heavy, while our minds will continue to be clouded, that we will one day be okay. I wish I had done more. I wish that I had said more. I wish that I had been capable of giving more of myself. Everything still feels surreal. It’s like a horrible nightmare because I can’t seem to wake up.
But today I finally decided to set up Elodie. I had watched some others set her up and she’s supposed to change colours at first and then you can choose a set colour. When I first turned her on, I don’t know what happened but this is the colour she was on. For that moment as I was surrounded by the scent of the oils, I felt peace. I felt okay. I felt that this isn’t a nightmare but yet a dream that we can still shape and create into something good, something great. We can take these experiences and grow and share that growth with others to hopefully make their lives better.
I want to help make lives better. I want to do better and make positive changes to the point where I’m impacting lives in a way that will make them better. I want them to feel loved. I want them to feel appreciated. I want them to know someone cares so deeply for them and wants the best for them always.
I want you to know you are loved. I want you to know you will be okay. I want you to know that while I won’t know all the answers, I won’t know all the best ways to help, I will do my best to help you.

And, Jonghyun, thank you. Thank you. I miss your presence on this same existence, but I genuinely felt you with me tonight. Thank you for being our friend, for being someone who wanted to remind us of our own worth and that our struggles and our emotions were valid. You always wanted us to be our best selves, but I think you felt we already were. So were you. Always.

I don’t know why this is making me laugh so hard but I am just so amused.

You are precious. You are loved. You are worth living. You deserve happiness. Please don’t ever forget that.
Rest in peace, Jonghyun. Your advocacy, your kindness, your whole being is worth more than you ever realised.

IT’S YA GIRL LAUREN wassup I’m trying to get over this crippling depression episode successfully but it doesn’t feel like it’s working. But hey one day at a time. Ps I basically wear this necklace every day of my life @jannytruant

I need to get back to using social media in general, but specifically Oliver’s instagram. Also, this iPhone 8 camera isn’t too bad. #catsofinstagram

A snapshot of the adventures we had on Saturday. I’m still missing @skdelano more than I can describe. 8( I think I’m extra cranky about it because I’m sick.

Bye Detroit. I’ll make sure to get all of my Canada photos up when I’m back in STL. I miss @skdelano so much. But it won’t be too long. I promise. 💕

It’s still surreal that this night happened. I still can’t believe I was able to quietly let someone I’ve admired and adored know that I appreciate and support him. I also can’t believe BRIAN KANG. Bye dude. 😠

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