I am in Colorado for the weekend attending the #aspenideasfestival as a "scholar" which means that as we went around the room last night introducing ourselves and everyone else talked about their three PhDs from Yale and Harvard and Columbia, I got up and said, "Welp! I've been stirring shit online since before you were born." WHO INVITED ME TO THIS??
You guys, this book. THIS BOOK. EXCLAMATION POINT. I have so much to say about it but I am breathless from unending laughter and from suddenly finding myself choked up. I want to ration every page of this like it's the end of the world and this is the last loaf of gluten. Holy shit, @bitchesgottaeat, it's so good. I bow down.
These two goons... my niece recently got engaged and asked me to take the photos for the invites. I wasn't NEARLY as inappropriate as I could have been during this shoot tonight given they are two devout Mormons who are about to discover the birds and the bees and the fucking menstruating bears, but here they are doing a "toboggan" and I can only laugh and think, "Unload the dishwasher for her, Taylor. That's the secret to a blowjob." My family is so upset now that they've read this BUT I AM TELLING THE TRUTH AND THEY ALL KNOW IT.
This season I am a #fabfitfunpartner and got the Summer box in the mail last week. Get $10 off your first box with coupon code DOOCE . @fabfitfun is a seasonal subscription box with full-size fashion, beauty, fitness and lifestyle products that retails for $49.99 but always has a value over $200. . My favorite things in this shipment are the handcrafted Kris Nations Bar Necklace (each gemstone has its own meaning), the Understated Leather On The Road Again Travel Set because travel, DUH, and the Michael Stars scarf because at least once a week I wear a Michael Stars t-shirt I bought in 2005. I am brand loyal. . Many of these items are worth more than you pay for your box, and like I say in my post on my website today I've added it to the list of subscription services that are serving as my many sister wives. #fabfitfun#sponsored www.fabfitfun.com
And yet another birthday party for this kid. Marlo's birthday week puts Charlotte's birthday week to shame. If you're old enough to get that, can you pass the arthritis medication? Also, @poppin_pillz_in_the_city would you look what's around her neck. She misses you. ❤️🎂
Eight years later and it still holds true: I had the cutest baby who ever lived. Happy birthday, Lil Donette. For a whole day back in 2009, people really did think that I had put that name on your birth certificate.
We headed back to Deep Eddy's for our last day of vacation, swim shirts in full action. The weather app I use told me it felt like 107° outside and I think even then it was downplaying things so as not to freak us all the fuck out.
Last day as a seven-year-old. Yesterday we stayed inside with a slew of cousins, pizza, cake, ice cream, presents, and video games. And then she fell asleep for the night in her clothes. I think this is an appropriate send off.