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doddleoddle doddleoddle

996 posts   711434 followers   638 followings

dodie  I make music! I also feel a lot! My theme isn't great I don't know how to make it great. info@dodieclark.com for business ✨

https://youtu.be/0JtISvgf2Aw

when a friend calls me out on my laziness/poor time management I BOIL. My forehead gets hot and I think of a million arguments why I did what I did.
But they're not arguments; they're excuses. And wow does it take everything I have in me to swallow them down and apologise. Even if I don't fully mean it in the moment, and I only agree with an inch of my brain; it's the inch that knows they're right, and I'm wrong, and it's worth the irritation in the moment to spare myself from the shame later.
Own ur mistakes! It's okay!

what's an ikea trip without a lil posed photo tho (thnku @danieljlayton for always snapping me when I ask)

a recent journal entry
🌸

(TW depression. But also a helpful tip!)
Here's something I learned in therapy today, after blubbering my way through 3/4s of it. I finished my wet, dramatic sentence with a sniff at the end, like the cherry on top of a cake.
My therapist looked at me, still. She let the silence become loud, for just enough time. Then she took a breath, paused - and noted;
"You tend to think in extremes, don't you? It's either black or white. Terrible or wonderful."
I blinked. My first reaction to being accused of something is resentment, anger - a disagreement flashed in my head. Until I realised that all of my intoxicated letters to myself are either extremely hopeful, or catastrophic - phone notes and diary entries of polarised outlooks of life. Everything is terrible, it must end. Life is fucking gorgeous, it's all fun.
"But when I'm depressed I can't see something as okay. I'm just kidding myself - gaining happiness from a cup of tea is a pathetic reason to carry on." "Allow yourself the joy. Say your mood is a scale, and you are feeling... a two. You have a cup of tea, look out the window, and for at least a minute, you move up to a four. Don't write off your day as bad - add in some grey."

c a t b u t t s (top from @romwe_fashion before u all ask)

I told stevie that I feel like I've been carrying around my brain recently and she replied;
"Omg we are literally carrying our brains around in a bloody bone purse"

EW

if your head tends to flip from one truth to another
choose the one that's kindest to you
(thank you @pollycrossman for the beautiful calligraphy and @readinginheelsuk for the cool event!)

I love you too - more than you will ever know

TW - graphic descriptions of derealisation. Don't read if that makes you feel more spaced out.
well, I guess it's like being drunk. Without the giddy part. Five minutes have passed and you realise your eyes are dry from staring and you've been digging your nails into your arms as a subconscious way to desperately cling on to reality. It's unlike any other pain because with pain, You Experience it. With this, there is less of You to Experience anything. Your existence is at 35% and you can't ignore it. For years and years and years you can't ignore it. For days and minutes it's always there. Anything away from it is a distraction but it's a spacey, hazy, forgettable one, one that doesn't trigger the joy like it does for other people, living in the better, normal world that you once were in.
I forget that when people look at me, they can't see it. I might look the same I always have. But maybe you can see it in my eyes; that when I look at you, I'm not really seeing anything.
For those of you with #derealisation #derealization #depersonalisation #depersonalization #dissociation
The world around us hasn't changed. We haven't slipped into a different dimension, even though it feels like it. It's just our brains. And it sucks, more than anything. I can't tell you that I feel better, or that I've had relief from it yet; but there are some who have. Let's not give up hope. One day it will be us making those videos online that have the word "CURE" in the title and grab our desperate attention. One day we will open our eyes and see the world again. One day we will wake up.

The YouTuber herd shuffles along the decorated alleyway. Walls covered in text, animals, stencilled faces, tower over us, seemingly showing off their spray painted tattoos proudly as we scan them up and down with our cameras. "But remember," our bearded, denim jacketed tour guide shouts to the group, "putting art out on these streets is vulnerable. You know, you might pour your heart and soul out on these walls, but since its public; you gotta be okay with the fact that someone might draw a dick on it." I don't think I've ever heard anything more relatable.

#blenderstudios

feeling inspired by ur comments so imma try and find a nice notebook for journalling in on the next plane ride!
this was my breakfast yesterday/ today idk it's all blurred lol. I had to take the plate to a separate table to take a picture. Ur welc

people I met at DC! You were full of energy and I loved reading all your letters. Thank you for being so passionate and kind. I'll see u soon I hope :D
my life for the next 42 hours will be spent on planes -
DC to Detroit to Heathrow to Dubai to Australia
(getting bored of posting about how mentally ill I am so we will just collectively understand I'm not doing great lol)
anyway! How shall I spend my time on all these planes? Any ideas? :D (thank u to @meghantonjes for the snap)

nap

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