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depressed.crybby depressed.crybby

9 posts   619 followers   13 followings

crybaby 🍒  i am sad, like all the time. So I'm just gonna write how sad i am you can ignore me... but if you ever relate or just wanna talk my dm is open...

I guess lately I just don't know what to say. Everyday is the same. The same feelings. The same sadness. The same loneliness. I guess I feel like life is just moving around me. And I'm just stuck in the same place. I look around and I see people so happy and it just makes me even more sad thinking I might never have that. Being just happy... not feeling this everlasting sadness. I want to believe so hard that it will be okay one day but by day by day I lose hope...

Lately my anxiety has been crazy. I have been having a lot of anxiety attacks. And right now I'm just fucking freaking out. I don't even know why. My heart is beating fast. My palms are sweating. I feel lost. I feel like I'm going fucking crazy. Everything around me is moving so fast and I feel like I'm in slow motion...

There's this kid at my school he always stares at me in a creepy way. He thinks it's funny idk he's kinda weird he did it to my cousin too. But today I was walking to my bus after school. He was staring at me so I looked at him. And he told me "why you staring" so I told him "you're staring". The friend that was with him said "yeah she's fucking ugly" and the kid agreed. I'm tired of people bringing others down because of their looks...

I hate my job. But don't most people. I work at a local Mexican restaurant. The people are rude. And it just sucks. The pay is shit $7.50 the hour can you believe that! You would think after 2 years of working their I would get a raise but no its the same. The long hours suck to. We close early on Sundays that's the only good thing. But Sundays are becoming my least favorite days. It's the day I can see my cousin. My cousin is only 16 and his life is already being taken from him. He has cancer the doctor says there's not much chance for him. He's so damn strong I swear. I've never met someone like him. He's the reason why i stop myself from thinking of taking my own life. Because that would just be selfish of my part to try to take mine whiles he's fighting for his own. Each time I go visit him. I just want to cry because I know he's in pain and there's nothing I can do about it...

Let me tell you something about myself. I've never felt close to my family. As in my parents and my siblings. But there was 3 people who were so close. If felt as we were sisters. They are my cousins let name the oldest (i) her sister is (A) and the next one is (E). It's always been us for. We are all different ages but no much of a difference like 1 year apart. (i) last june graduated and moved to go to college. She now lives 40 minutes. But she said we would all stay as close. She said she would call and text everyday. She didnt. I understood you know college takes a lot of time with studying and homework. The rest of us still go to school together. We stayed close. But then (A) and (E) both started working at the same place they started having more in common. And they started talking more to each other and less with me. At first it didn't bother me. They still love me right. They're the only people that do. But then they ignored me. They got annoyed by me they didnt want to talk to me. (i) comes during weekends cause she works with them too. Every Friday they hang out. And me I'm home alone. At first I thought it's was a few time thing. But it continued. And now I don't receive texts by them or anything. I tried hugging my (E) today. But she rejected me and hugged (A). That hurt I know that (A) hates hugs she doesn't let anyone hug her ever. Today I saw them posting how much they all missed each other and how much fun they were having. I feel left out. I guess it shouldn't be a big deal were just drifting but...I felt like they were the only people who were gonna be there for me... the only ones to care. And now I have nothing...

I'm really tired. I'm sadder than I was yesterday. Why? I don't know. It feels like this overwhelming sadness taking over my body. I can't even fake a smile. When it's silent my eyes start tearing up. I don't know why I'm crying but I have this need to pour all my tears out. I have this urge go into my bed and cry for hours with no interruption. I have a question. Why do people have to remind you that your worthless. Why do they have to repeat it. Its stuck to my brain. I know I'm worth nothing I don't need to be reminded everyday! I know I can't do anything right I know I'm just a waste of space. But I would rather remind myself than my parent remind...

Hello I am back. Today is another shitty day as usual... I guess I just feel as empty as yesterday. Just as sad. All I want to do is runaway. But where to. Wherever I'll ever go it's going to be the same. The same crappy life. No love. No happiness. I just want to be happy. I don't want to cry anymore. I was called worthless again. How many times do I hear that word. Probably my least favorite word. It makes me sad. It makes me sad cause I know I'm worthless...

okay I'm just gonna speak my feeling. Geez I've never done this. But I hear it's good to let out your feeling. It makes you "happier" let's see if this works.

I'm tired. Tired of being sad. Tired of being the last choice. Tired of no one caring. Tired of living i guess. My problem is I care to much. Sometimes I put to much effort to make people happy. When those people won't do anything remotely good to even make me smile. I have this need to want to make people happy. But when it comes to me, no one cares if I'm happy. No one cares if I'm smiling. Not even my family. You know they say your family loves you. But I don't think that's the case with my family. My dad gosh he's an ass, all he cares about himself he has some real anger issues. Mom she's has anger issues too. But she's kinda crazy hard to explain she's constantly screaming. Nothing you ever do is good enough. My older brother I guess he's the nicest, but he kinda ignores me. My other brother he wishes I would disappear. Hes tired of me. But hes not the first caise everyone else in my life is tired of me.And my older sister only cares about money and herself. Fucked up family. This is kinda an introduction. Nice to meet you.

Hello to anybody who is reading this which I doubt is anyone.

I'm a sad person. So I'll be posting my sad feeling. Why, because I have no one to tell about my feelings. I don't want to bottle up my feelings. So I'm just gonna spill everything on this page. Just IGNORE me. This isn't meant for likes or anything like that. I just want to write what I'm feeling and still be anonymous. So yeah idk why I'm putting so much thought into this but idk maybe someone actually wants to be sad with me, I'll very much appreciate that. Thank you...

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