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deemoi deemoi

1674 posts   63254 followers   158 followings

deemoi  Artist, yoga teacher, traveller, climber, cyclist, mother, master procrastinator, liberal user of the f**k word, lover of love & all things bright

http://www.deemoi.co.uk/

A moment cannot radiate fully when you’re suffocating it in fear... #befearless
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Leg warmers @sweatybetty #sweatybetty

BABY STEPS BABY...
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That twinge of pain, the pang of tummy pain, the headache, the back-ache, the depression, the general feeling of being out of sorts; this is our body doing its best to communicate with us, to encourage us to make positive changes in our lives.
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Positive change is such a big word, so vast it’s almost unpalatable.
Where the fuck do we start when our life has become so unworkable and our bodies are coming alive with aches and pains?
We start with the baby steps!
with each small step comes the increasing awareness of our habits and the willingness to chip away at the ones that aren’t doing us any good.
We come into this journey from where we are committed to not from our circumstances,
and trust that the future will open up to us.
We surrender to what is without being a victim to it, we let go and watch everything shift...
Baby steps!
Baby steps asks for our humility, they demand that we mindfully become present to every step rather than the overwhelming distance we have to cross and the destination we are so eager to reach... ... ... #dothework

FROM BREAKDOWN TO BREAKTHROUGH...
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My friend @rajaahabache, creator of @larosedesim, designed for me a bag that says “take me to the magic moment” and whilst I get the meaning of the words, I’ve been thinking for months what those words mean for me? .
Well!
They mean the emotional intelligence of navigating from a breakdown to a breakthrough.
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My first reaction to any breakdown used to be one of a rising panic I could not name.
It overtook me and it was a while before I realised that I was in the throes of very specific emotions: disappointment which gave rise to sadness, both plunging me into the profound experience of emptiness. .
I fucking hated this experience. It manifested itself physically: hyperventilation, sobs verging on hysteria, a feeling of loss of expression and a complete surrender to a state of doubting myself and my purpose.
I fucking hated it so much that I made mindfulness a daily practise, as important to me as brushing my teeth.
I learned to become aware of my emotional landscape moment to moment without the need to suppress it, analyse it or become attached to it.
This is how I have been learning to override my rising panic and remain in centre of my calm self.
This is how I have been stopping others and myself from stealing my peace.
This is how I have been taking myself to the magic moment!
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I catch myself having a breakdown so fast now that I'm no longer prone to the heart wrenching feeling of back-pedalling into the morass of sadness and shame.
From this grounded place I have found a way of recognising that most of my breakdowns are a lifetime's backlog of being let down by people and by myself.
Nothing but a story.
A story I am no longer part of!
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May we all find our magic moment in between the seamless ebbs and flows of our happiness and our sadness and learn to become the puppeteer instead of a puppet being tossed around the stage of our own life... #dothework #mindfulness

AM I BROKEN?!
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I see a therapist, a healer, a kinesiologist, a life coach. I attend meditation workshops, gong baths, yoga classes, CBT workshops, psychology talks, retreats. I read self help books, smoke cannabis, drink red wine, Party hard. I’m an artist who expresses anger and pain in painting and slam poetry. I spend time alone, I spend time with others, I travel, I hike, I camp, I climb, I ride, I immerse myself in nature...
And sometimes, i cry myself to sleep!
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I am no longer afraid to ask for help, I am no longer ashamed of being supported as I journey into the underworld, this place I have been avoiding for so long, the place where I buried all the bad bad shit that happened to me.
I’m clear on the path I have chosen but there are so many bumps and forks and I often get lost.
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I don’t want to pretend that life is always sunshine and margaritas.
Sometimes it is and sometimes it’s so fucking dark it makes me want to crawl and hide...
And the truth is, I love it!
I love how waking up to life in its purest form requires waking up to the unfairness and betrayal of life itself.
I love this path in as much I hate it.
I love how the very same journey that soothes me when it gets too much and to gently point me in the direction I am meant to take, is the same journey that loads me with so much fucking shit that my knees buckle and I fall helplessly to the ground.
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I’m not a victim, I’m not sorry for myself, I am powerful and inspirational and I’m not afraid to own that light.
I’ve done the work, I’m doing it still and I know the courage it takes to venture into the darkness.
It’s a choice.
I choose to go there because it is only there that I can find the missing pieces of myself and set myself free... #dothework

CAN I UN-SEE?!...
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I find myself, on more occasions than I care to admit, wishing that I could go back to the days where my masks were firmly on and I was barely aware of myself beyond the first couple of layers.
Life was easy back then, simple, full of attachments to people and careers and money but it was all that I knew and I was happy within the constraints of that life.
It was a materialistic life filled with parties and social ladders...my happiness back then felt very real to me.
Ignorance is indeed bliss!
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But... when I look at it from the viewfinder of today, I realise that it was hollow, veneered with a fake glow and never designed to fulfil me or see me gracefully through the progression of my life cycle.

Had I not awakened to a new way of life, to a more mindful, a more spiritual path, I don't believe that I would be as peaceful about life as I am today nor would I be as graceful about embracing the inevitable challenges that come along with living, truly living, eyes heart and mind wide wide open... #mindfulness #impermanence
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Sweater @sweatybetty #sweatybetty

When you spend more time with dg, less time with humans...🙈🐶 #rollwithit @biscuitthealmighty .
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Leggings @onzie #onzie #theonzie

ELYSIA YOGA convention 2018...
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Last year, I took a plane, a bus, a boat, and a coach to the island of Amorgos in Greece where I spent a week in the company of extraordinary human beings and in a place I can only call heaven!
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A few of those girls are still a big part of my life. They have supported me over the last year and we have stood for one another like true sisters do.
We practised Yoga and sound healing. We made Fire rituals on the beach, hiked up to beautiful monasteries and visited the site of my fav movie “le grand Bleu”. We swam in the blue sea and chanted kirtan to the sweet sound of the sarpina. we did moonlight meditations, and late at night, we ate, drank, talked dirty but played nice. We did handstands for hours and savasana for hours. We had so many things to choose from, we were spoiled for choice!
It is a Yoga retreat like no other...
Truly!
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That’s the Yoga retreat Elysia promises every year and in 2018, from March 29th to April 5th, I will be teaching there.
The island of Amorgos is magical and I cannot cannot cannot wait to go back!
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If you’d like to be part of this adventure and practise more than just Yoga, find out more
about the schedule and cost for the week, check out @elysiayogaconvention and click on the link in their bio...#yogaretreat #elysiayogaconvention2018

HOW TO FIND LOVE...
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If you’re not living in the present you’re living an illusion,
If you’re living in the present you’re living in acceptance,
and in acceptance you will find compassion,
and in compassion you will find love... #love
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#mindfulness

FUCK OFF JOY...
Rumi says our life is like a guesthouse, all sorts come through to stay: Anger, frustration, sorrow, confusion, but also joy, love, fun, compassion...
One day, SORROW, an unwanted guest, knocks on our door. Unwilling to cohabit with the likes of "sorrow", you naturally turn it down:
"you are not welcome in my guesthouse".
Sorrow persists "but I need a place to stay, I need you to shelter me. You're my guesthouse you can't turn me down".
"It's MY guesthouse and i can do what I please" you reply "Now go on, bugger off and leave me alone".
"I'm not leaving" says sorrow "I'm going to stay right here at your doorstep".
Annoyed, you shut the door on sorrow and you go about your business.
The door bell rings again.
This time it's "Anger". You have the same debate with it. Exhausted and fed up, you shut the door on it.
The door bell rings again.
This time it's a couple "Memory and pain", and again, you resist their pleads for a room to stay and keep them at bay.
Time goes by, you aren't able to relax, you have a whole line of unwanted guests loitering at your doorstep, hanging around in the shadows, nagging to come in, peeking through the windows, taking every opportunity to make their presence known.
You are so busy trying to ignore them, refusing to deal with them that when JOY comes along and asks for a room at your guesthouse, you snap and tell it to fuck off. So busy you are resisting your unwanted guests, that you had missed out on the opportunity to host the wanted ones...
JOY ends up finding another guesthouse, ANGER and SORROW are no longer at your doorstep and next thing you know, your house is all empty, a hollow shell filled with emptiness and the ghosts of those who could have been part of your life...
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Every morning a new arrival.
A joy or a depression, Welcome and entertain them all!
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond..."
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#mindfullness #yoga #yogaeverydamnday #yogaeveryday #yogaeverywhere

Living in the present is living in acceptance,
and that is a peaceful thing!
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@biscuitthealmighty despairing at my cheesy song choices 🙄

WHAT FUCKING PATH?
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I used to think I’m emotionally intelligent because I take active steps to “work on myself” by walking the almighty path of self awareness:
I question myself constantly, asking if the problem is mine and taking responsibility for what’s not working in my life.
Lately I’ve been wondering if my misguided notions of such path are becoming my downfall into a world that chips away at my self-worth and makes me a prey (to myself and others) weakened by self-doubt rather than self empowered through vulnerability...
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Do you know what I mean?
The healthy line between personal responsibility and self-reproach becomes blurred, so much so that working on myself becomes a constant invitation for myself (and another) to distress and deflate, to demean and crush, to chip away at my self esteem and move the goal posts of love...
The notion of personal empowerment through taking leadership of my own life becomes a misguided attempt at seeing my suffering as a lesson when in fact such suffering is unnecessary and wholly unacceptable...
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There should be a limit to everything in life, including self awareness!
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The truth about self awareness is this: brutal honesty is required for me to know what about my character flaws need changing and what need to be accepted as positive vulnerability.
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The difficulty about self awareness is having the balls to change those things that are unkind, manipulative, unloving and lacking compassion.
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The pitfall of self awareness is an openness of being that gets preyed on by those who are unable to comprehend the journey and a resulting neurotic predisposition to self flagellate when I fail to fix what is broken or to heal what is wounded.
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However,
The beauty of self awareness is that I get to learn how to deal with myself and how to deal with those who cannot deal with me.
I get to know that I am not happy and I get to do something about it!
I get to learn the difference between personal responsibility and personal punishment... #beempowered #knowyourworth

YOGA POWER OR POWER OF YOGA?
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We come to Yoga everyday and everyday something different is going on.
Some things show up when we least expect them and other niggling things simply drop off...
Some days the strength is there right where we need it and other days we are barely moving in its direction.
Some days the voice that judges is ever strong and other days it's never there...
There is peace that comes from checking in with ourselves in an authentic way and being ok with whatever is there.
There is humility in being present and meeting ourselves wherever we are at.
That's the power of Yoga!...
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#yogaeveryday #yogaeverywhere #yoga #bepresent #mindfulness #legwarmers @sweatybetty #sweatybetty #sweatydee

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