deemoi deemoi

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deemoi  Artist, yoga teacher, traveller, climber, cyclist, mother, master procrastinator, liberal user of the f**k word, lover of love & all things bright

There used to be a little speech I told myself and others to justify why I do what I do and this speech was very rarely aligned with my truth. Instead, it was a poor attempt at bridging the gap of discrepancy between my rigid path and the possibility of a better path for me.
I have often used justifications to create internal consistency and oder when my world is disordered, to gain the illusion of control, to control others, to prove to myself...what exactly?!? I'm not entirely sure what I was ever trying to prove!
To let go of the justifications in favour of accepting another view meant letting go of control, succumbing to the painful growing pains of getting to know myself and others, accepting that I might be in the wrong. It means letting go of my rigid ideas and accepting a more raw version of who I might be, a version I might not like very much to start with, a version of myself I need to work with, work on and grow into.
We are creatures of habit, change terrifies us, we feel comforted by the idea of controlling our world and we defend it armed with the unwavering weapons of justifications.
We like to be right, even if this is a sure way of getting us even more stuck, imprisoned by the rigidity of our own thinking.
I can never be rid of justifications, but I can catch myself on the cusp of those little deluded speeches I tell myself and the world, and promptly steer my thinking and my reactions in a different direction.
An alternative path.
A path i am finding to be quite challenging, but I trust (because I have consistently felt) the budding of a growing sense of inner calm, enriched by the lessons I am learning along the way, lighter for the baggage I am shedding, wiser for the willingness to reinvent myself ever step of the way...
Beautiful #yoga strap by @yatayyoga


I read a 9 page article in Tatler on the world's top female sex bombs from ancient history to present day. I wanted to sum it up for you, for kicks, and for all sex bombs out there living life on their own terms:
1) Have the absolute self-assurance (so often lacking in the merely beautiful!) and the knowledge that you are running the show.
2) know your own worth and be no fool, you are neither a virgin nor banking on the shortness of your mini skirt to arouse millionaires.
3) Your body is a temple of pleasure rather an altar on which to workout, diet and work.
4) Be smart, sultry and self reliant.
5) No one should ever be under the illusion that they own you however much they shower you with diamonds and devotion.
6) Be your own woman with your own wants and your own way of satisfying them!
7) Never do anything for money.
8) Don't get your lips done and Botox the hell out of your face.
9) Laugh only if it's funny.
10) Tease if it amuses you.
11) Make sure you think of sex all the time, like a man, even if you're not getting any.
12) Wear silk, it slithers.
13) Wear tight jeans, pencil skirts and no underwear.
14) Pyjama tops or buttons never both.
15) Don't ever wear trainer with built in wedges, tracksuit buttons or cardigans.
16) Say "do you want to have sex?"...
"I'm going to be bad for you I can tell"...
"Marriage? Not me! Ask her, she'll say yes"... #sexbomb

When the hallways outside your bedroom is awesome and housekeeping keeps interrupting your play! 🙈...
thanks @onzie for the fabulous #yoga pants. #theonzie #yogaeverywhere #yogaeverydamnday #play #playwithdee

"Lasting relationships are about compromise" is a sentence which has been repeated to me by my parents, my partners and my therapist(s)...
If this was true, then why have I spent most of my life feeling as if there is something wrong with me, because compromise in relationships didn't always feel good or true or even healthy. Instead, it felt forced and unhappy. It felt as if I was giving away myself only to no longer recognise who I am.
The truth is that I have mistaken compromise with changing my own values to fall in line with theirs.
I have been compromising my truth, my beliefs, my voice. I have been moving the goalpost of my needs to keep the peace, wearing a mild mannered mask to keep up appearances. But the masks I put on, however heartfelt, break down as soon as a life demands of me real authenticity, at which point I realize how much easier it would have been to just be myself...
My acts of compromise have been driven by fear! The fear of a breakup, the fear of the loss of love, the fear of failure, the fear of abandonment, the fear of confrontation...Whereas compromise should go hand in hand with my core values, it should give rise to self expression, it should be driven by love.
Aristotle talks of compromise as "the education of the soul," which is when "you and your partner both welcome putting up with the temporary pain of personal change for the greater gain of personal growth"...
Compromise is good and necessary, finding a common ground where neither person is in conflict with their authentic self is beautiful and gives rise to compassion and love, it allows for self growth, for changing that within ourselves which is controlling, unbending, and negative...but it's important to discern good compromise from bad compromise and to understand that any kind of happy medium ought to be...well...happy! ... #dothework .
#mindfulness #yoga #yogaeverydamnday #yofaeverywhere #aimtrue #beyou #awareness #playwithdee

I find that once I accept that much of my life is driven by bullshit, which is the lack of authenticity, the closer I get to being authentic.
This idea that we can claim to be always authentic is nothing but a cocktail of ignorance and ego!
We need to un-learn being inauthentic by allowing ourselves to be who we want to be in this moment, even if being who we are in this present moment makes us or makes the people around us very uncomfortable...
"Being true to who we are doesn't necessarily make us authentic, but it definitely takes away everything that isn’t authentic about us"... #doyou

Self growth only happens when we try shoes that aren't ours, walk a stretch of a path that we don't belong to, and push ourselves into the discomfort of newness...
How else can we shatter the delusions to which we cling? The delusions about ourselves and the rigid world that we worked so hard on preserving. The taxidermists that we are, always holding on tight to our carefully constructed idea of happiness!
We must be open to the uncomfortable shedding of the narrow minded view of how we believe our life should be and what our beliefs should look like many new experiences are we cutting ourselves from? How can we arrogantly dismiss that which we have not fully undertaken?
To expand our mind, to discover new things about ourselves, to vanquish the fear of accepting our true nature? What are those but stepping stones to higher awareness and personal wisdom?
I'm starting to feel that enlightenment might actually be a real thing, possible to attain in this lifetime and in way that makes an earth shattering difference to our ongoing quest for true inner peace... #dothework

Not so long ago, when faced with the emotion of disappointment, I identified with it, took the situation personally and told myself the story of "I am not loved, I am rejected, this is a disaster"...
But today, when in the throes of a disappointing situation, I've noticed that it didn't throw me into the morass of sadness and anger, it didn't distress me, I felt detached and my reaction was simply "oh well..." .
To go from a woman whose story was "I am rejected" to "oh well" is what I call reaping the reward of this journey of yoga and mindfulness that I have been on for years.
I started exploring mindfulness because I wanted to teach myself to rise above the inner avalanche of my emotional nature. I was fed up with being at the mercy of the rising tide of negative emotions and constantly reacting to the disappointing way people behave...
It's been a fucking tough journey and I hated so many parts of it but today I am filled with personal pride at this huge milestone: I caught myself noticing disappointment with a sense of detachment, well before the swamp of negative emotions overwhelmed me, and from this place of calm observation I was able to see it for what it is: a lifetime's backlog of disappointing connections. Nothing but a story. A story I am no longer part of...
May we never stop the work of becoming aware of our emotional landscape moment to moment without the need to suppress it, over analyse it or becoming attached to it. This is how we override it and remain in centre of our calm self.
This is how we rise above the inner avalanche of our emotional nature.
This is how, instead of identifying ourselves with the disappointing behaviour of people, we align behind what truly matters: self worth, self love, connection, honesty, openness #aimtrue #beyou #mindfulness

Everything in life is transient, most of all pain and joy...and I have come to engrave upon my soul that my joys have to equal my sorrows if I am to feel intensely and life fully.
With great elations comes great sadness.
With beautiful abundance comes great loss.
With love comes pain...
The more we allow ourselves to have the more we stand to's the coin of life.
The two sidedness of night and day. Darkness is sometimes as beautiful as the light, and sometimes even more...
Beautiful yoga mat gifted to me by @melt_yoga #ink #tattoo #girlswithink #inkedgirls #nudeyoga #yogaeverydamnday #aimtrue #beyou

"There are two things we should always be:
1. raw
2. ready

When you are raw, you are always ready and when you are ready you usually realize that you are raw. Waiting for perfection is not an answer, one cannot say "I will be ready when I am perfect" because then you will never be ready, rather one must say: "I am raw and I am ready just like this right now, how and who I am.” ...#iamraw #iamready
Thank you @melt_yoga for my stunning mat!

I have spent my whole life in discord between my external beauty and the nobler attributes of my inner virtues, and this has always presented itself as disappointment in love...
Putting it plainly, I have placed more weight on being an alluring creature, encouraged by the intoxicating admiration of men and not enough weight on addressing the blockages that have prevented me from lasting love...
If I revisit (with unwavering honesty) all my relationships past and present, I notice a pattern:
1. An Initial phase of being elevated upon a pedestal that panders to my need to be adored and in which I am literally honoured as some fucking rare unicorn!
2. A secondary phase of confusion as I start my descent into a world where such adoration is not sustainable. I've been demoted from unicorn to precious horse!
3. A third phase of distress at the loss of attention, the complaints, the nagging. No unicorn or even a horse, more of an ass.
4. A final phase of utter defeat, self doubt, and the complete breakdown of what I thought was an everlasting love story...
This post isn't about blame, the emotional unavailability of men or self accountability.
This is a post about a realisation that has come to me after sinking low, an awakening to what I didn't know I didn't know!
Here goes: I have never truly come into any of my relationships from a place of wholeness, I have always needed something in the other person to fulfil a need, fill a gap, and make me feel complete. I needed love more than I wanted it. I needed a man more than I wanted myself. I've not been comfortable with long term aloneness.
Whether my lovers came to me from a place of wholeness or not is irrelevant, what is present for me is that I have never truly found pure joy in sharing another person because I have never truly (truly truly) found pure joy in sharing every fucked up corner of myself.
Instead, I saw love through the veil of a mask which shallowly honoured my pains and my brokenness.
I am afraid. I am relieved. I am excited. I can begin to understand the sense of disappointment I have always carried with love and this makes the possibilities that lie ahead extraordinary!

Yo my badass yogi friends...have you found that bouldering and climbing go together so well?!
I've been climbing harder and better with a dedicated yoga practise and I'm loving it... and to that I say...Namaste bitches!! 😝❤️💪🏼

It gave birth to humanity.
Every single one of us came from a vagina, yet we can't say the word "vagina", we don't speak about looking at it or touching it and we hide our pleasure as one hides a dirty secret.
Despite feminist milestones, women still feel shame and fear when it comes to the space between their legs and as a result, they feel a contrived heart connection and the space in which love thrives is closed and starved. They make bad choices and end up with the wrong people. I know this because I've been there...
There is a bridge between our vagina and our heart, they thrive when connected and suffer when disconnected.
If you've ever allowed yourself to be with someone who hasn't honoured your heart, your sexual experience must have felt empty. And if you have ever been with someone who cracked open every dark and light corner of your heart, you must have felt your whole sexual being come alive in a way that is extraordinary.
Why is there so much freedom around discussions of the heart, yet discussions of our vagina are confined to pornography or medical journals?
Our vaginas and our hearts are our greatest teachers. They are sacred and beautiful. They ask of us to honour the relationship between them and in return, they will honour us with the wisdom to know when to open our hearts and when to open our legs to those who are worthy of us...
There is no shame in stretching our minds to embrace the space that has stretched wide enough to birth an entire species... #noshame #aimtrue #beyou #befree

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