davidlsolie davidlsolie

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Aging Parents Expert  Clinician, author and advisor on partnering with aging parents: #howtosayittoseniors, #caregivermindmaps

“We neither get better or worse as we get older, but more like ourselves” Robert Anthony

Once triggered, the steep cascade of worry finds trouble essentially everywhere...

Critical Caregiver Communication Skills is a new series I created to help caregivers establish and sustain rapport with older adults...This is the first offering of the series...

“All are architects of fate, working in these walls of time." —Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

If I Die First... If I die first, gather the lost years with the late September apples. At sunset ghost me beside you on the steps to watch the tangerine-lavender clouds turn gray. Go on, go on.

If you die first, the sheets as cold as fish, the dogs whimpering their loneliness each morning, the old walls cracking the silence— I’ll lay your ashes on top of the hill where the sky begins. "Home in Wartime"
FD Reeves

Spring has a lot to say to all of us, but its underlying message is always the same: this is it and you are still in the game. And despite the annoying talk about being connected to the “here and now,” that you dismiss as silly, this cycle comes with a different weight, like a friend’s hand that you somehow know you may never hold again, that wonderful dog who you still call puppy who has lost a step in her morning romps, and finally you who have come clean about a year that has taken more than it gave back all of which has brought you face to face with your incomplete past and the dream this rotation you will speak the words that have remained unspoken far too long...this is it

Tuscany morning moment that bids all caregivers good cheer for the coming day...Circle bank this 30 second respite anytime during the day when you need to reconnect to the divine nature that carries all of us on this path...

What Do You Value Mind Map.

Helping aging parents consider a change in living accommodations is a delicate process. Before offering unwanted advice about where to live, adult children should first undertake a compassionate assessment of the losses and potential gains of this emotional transition. There is a deep fear of loss of control that must be appreciated and accommodated. That is why we created the What Do You Value Mind Map.
The What Do You Value Mind Map offers families a one page diagram of the values that represent and sustain control in living accommodations. Once completed, it helps families with changes in living accommodations in four ways:

1. It reduces the burden and risk of not knowing the big picture. The What Do You Value Mind Map provides an overview of critical choices that need to be addressed in a new living environment. Many times this information is fuzzy, incomplete or only known by a few.

2. It reduces the burden of caregiving handoffs. The What Do You Value Mind Map offers a quick reference guide for other family members who want to lend a hand with screening, setting up, or other tasks. It is especially helpful for coordinating last minute change of plans.

3. It reduces the burden of integrating home front information. The What Do You Value Mind Map serves as an information hub for organizing and sharing living accommodations updates for the family and other participants on the caregiving team.l.

4. It reduces the burden of orchestrating a living accommodation crisis. The What Do You Value Mind Map becomes an invaluable resource for coordinating a response to complications in the transition to a new living space.

“Grief was what you owed the dead for the necessary crime of living on without them.”
—Kamila Shamsie, Home Fire

Conversations Near the End... We wish it didn’t come to this, but it does. Someone you care about is at the end of their life. No one knows exactly when but everyone is clear about what’s happening. Now comes the hard part, the conversations that occur before they’re gone. What do you say to those who are leaving? How do you avoid stumbling into uninvited pep talks, dismissive assurances, awkward displays of grief, or embarrassing cliches? Maybe you don’t. None of us are really prepared for conversations near the end. Our emotional vulnerability alone leaves us at a loss for the right words. Fortunately, there are ways to reframe this difficult dialogue that bring comfort and control to the dying. In the end, it’s all about who’s directing the conversation.

We shall not cease from exploration. And the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.

T. S. Eliot, Little Gidding
British (US-born) critic, dramatist & poet (1888 - 1965)

Saddest Earth Day Ever...

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