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danesnaptiste danesnaptiste

314 posts   3673 followers   3199 followings

Dane Baptiste  Comedy and pictures. Pretty much. I was a badman on MySpace ask Carlos. http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p04f23s0/episodes/player


Youting up the place circa 198X

Big numnum in my mouth and big dreams in my big baby head.
S/O Aunty Irene for holding me down (or up in this case) 😘

Quick snap with the big man @mikeglc in @jerkcity, its only after taking the picture I realise that I look like mike with a protein deficiency. I look like a before shot here. I’m joining a gym.
@mikeglc’s #FITB #fireinthebooth w/ @charliesloth is out soon so look out for that. I’ll be at socaerobics if needed.

Happy Hump Day everyone! Another 2 weeks of Black History Month so enjoy the holiest of months with this!

My BBC hour special; Live from the BBC on @netflixuk now!

Have a watch! Enjoy! Laugh! Share!

Netflix and Chill with the trillest of the trill! ❤️💚🖤

Happy to say that this #blackhistorymonth; I’ve been able to meet an idol and inspiration. Ladies and gentlemen, but mainly ladies (especially YOU ex-girlfriends)
MAN LIKE @idriselba. Actor, writer, DJ. Triple threat. S/O to @quincy_comedian, whom I shamelessly name-dropped upon arrival.
Was honoured to collaborate with Heidmall/Stringer Bell for the @fifa18_offical FIFA Awards, coming soon!

1. Is he as cool and handsome in real life? Yes (pause)
2. Did you beg it? Obviously
3. Will you continue to go on about writing for Idris? YesX1000

Well; today is done, can’t risk trying to top this day.
I did a black and white pic to clearly show this humblebrag isn’t humble at all.
#idriselba #blackhistorymonth #twins #ifyousayso #standupcomedy #longlostbrothers #youguysstop

WHAT MY DAD THINKS WHEN I SAY “I’m going to perform on stage”. All jokes aside we could learn a lot from the gentleman. ♥️🙌🏾😊👍🏾

Aspiring for greatness today at @ukesquire HQ with godfather/Don Cowlieone/Iceman/herald of the ice-age/Joe 91/William/WileyKat himself @wiley__ being celebrated. Inspirational.
#esquiremag #esquire #grime #wiley #gettingthemhyper #dirtylikeababysdiaper #pondiriddimlyricalsniper #allbadboyjustflashyourlighter

Just about to solve the world’s problems as mandated by @ukesquire with my think tank of funny @matthewcrosby1, @amateuradam, @glennrogermoore & @angela_barnesy.
Make your way of you can! 😊😊#esquire #standupcomedy #townhouse #esquiretownhouse

TOUR GOES ON SALE NOW! Check your nearest city and get tickets now available on danebaptiste.co.uk
Taking the game International too so tell your friends!

May 29th-June 2nd are the London dates @sohotheatre
#GODTour #standupcomedy #GOD #Tour #nationaltour

Up in Notts doing one of my favourite comedy things. Opening for @kathbum’s Glitter Room Tour. Sucks for you if you weren’t there. Get tickets near you!
MASSIVE THANKS to @littlelovesick @lovesickldn for hooking up the garms. I feel like a model for scalp oil. Katherine’s sweater is by “just take the picture Dane” 😁

Catch us soon on every fudging thing!! 💁🏾‍♂️🙋🇨🇦🇬🇧♥️🔥♥️ #comedy #kathbum #glitterroom #glitterroomtour

*ATTENTION* #champagneclink #klaxons #jamaicanairhorn #skrapkakakapbapplap
My national and international tour starts in 2018; the not so distant future! My 3rd show #GoldOilDrugs aka G.O.D. hits the road, sea and sky!

Tickets go on sale for national tour THIS FRIDAY available on www.danebaptiste.co.uk

I’ll be all over the shop so find your nearest tour date and venue to hear the word of G.O.D
International tour tickets go on sale in December so if you live in
#australia #newzealand #Estonia #Latvia #southafrica I’m coming to see you! Or you see me, you know how comedy works!?!! Let’s enjoy the world while it’s still here; buy tickets now!! More details to follow!

Big tings gwarning....in the name of G.O.D, en el nombre de Dios, en la nom de dieu.
Share and stay tuned please....... 😉♥️👊🏾❤️💚🖤🙌🏾😊

I want you all to know so there’s no misconceptions here; the product in question are ‘Flatulence Filtering Garments’ “What does that mean Dane?” I’ll tell you what I means. It means people are now selling ‘Fart silencer pants’ because rather than us control our flatulnce, it’s easier to just mask them with a butt muffler. Which I think is a much more catchy name, but what do I know?
I know when I’m going to fart, and it’s never when I’m using a trampoline or inviting a lover to sniff my batty crease.
The best, BEST part of this campaign is an actor was asked to simulate the initiate of sniffing his girl’s Barry crease and being delighted- and he did that.
Well; I guess it’s time for me to move to the moon because if we are at the point in human history where we are selling fartproof pants, we’ve fallen too far from the lord’s grace/mother nature’s perfect design.
In space; nobody can hear you poop.

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