I don’t know how to start this… But I should write something.
I haven’t posted anything on IG for a month, which is very unusual for me, because even when I feel bad I try to post and say that I feel bad, but this time I didn’t and I feel a bit guilty about that.
It starts slowly, creeps up on you from nowhere and then suddenly you’re drowning in the massive waves of depression. I hadn't felt this bad for this long, for a very long time. On paper it’s just another depressive episode. But the hopelessness that comes with it is quite excruciating. It sucks the life out of you.
Those who have followed me for a while might remember that I went off the medicine I took about 3 months ago. And I really felt fine (other than the withdrawal symptoms) for while. The only reason I went off my meds was because I was feeling really good, better than I had for years, really.
I don’t know how, but for me, this episode really came out of nowhere. I wasn’t prepared at all. I’m back on anti-depressants, a new kind that I haven’t tried before. And I’ve gotten sleeping pills. I’m taking more medicine than ever before. I feel like a real failure, but I have to remember that mental illness is just like all other physical illnesses. You get treatment to feel better, even when the thing broken is your mind.
I’m really trying to hang in there. I’ve got tons of help and support from my fantastic mother and sister, and my lovely boyfriend. I really couldn’t do it without them.
This was really only an update. And a thank you if you’re still around and reading this. Please take good care of yourself. Much love.