createthelove createthelove

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MARK GROVES  Human Connection Specialist. I post no-BS relationship advice. Founder @MOTUsummit #CREATETHELOVE Upcoming events👇🏻

YES! To being weird 🙌🏽. For the win. #createthelove

The greatest gift we can give someone else (and ourselves) is the belief that they are worthy of being listened to, loved and cared for, simply for existing. #createthelove

You never know what's going on in someone else's life. Choose kindness. Meet them with compassion. When you do that you meet yourself with kindness and compassion too. #createthelove

Emotions are Information. Stop reacting from them and learn how to observe them and get curious about why they are happening. Emotions and the ability to feel are so incredibly important. Let's stop hiding them and repressing them, and instead listen to and learn from them. #createthelove (I try to catch the best cover photo. Haha.)

This is everything. We need create secure and loving attachments. Most of us create and exist in relationships where we feel criticized, attacked and not safe to be ourselves. And often the source of this is not the specific relationship, but how we were interacted with as kids and growing up.

When we begin to look at “why” we get angry and defensive we can start to understand what our wounds are… and it is often the same one coming out in different ways with different people and situations. Because behind every emotional outburst is an unmet need… And this need correlates to a fear; a fear of not being enough, fear of rejection, fear of being left.

This is why we must learn to cultivate an understanding of our emotional states…(meditation is such an important skill!) because in the fight we can begin to observe ourselves and why we’re feeling how we’re feeling. Look, growth and understanding these parts of ourselves is paramount to building great attachments that are healthy… where you feel like you can be you and your partner feels like they can be themselves too.

Till then we’re really just wearing blinders in our relationships and we’ll never know how to fully let someone love us… and our partner won’t feel like their wounds are being understood as well.

Once we get to this state of observation in our relationships we can cultivate much deeper relationships because finally WE are the ones showing up… not our representatives. And, in safe and secure attachments we feel like we can unfold and be ourselves. That’s where the fucking money is. #createthelove

The model of what it means to be a woman very often entails the ability to be loving, show empathy, and be caring and compassionate. It's a model that has a world filled with love, and in some ways it's often the glue that holds us all together through turmoil and struggle.

I believe that, as men, we need to embody and exemplify our innate ability to love deeply. We need to show to other men that the model of what it means to "be a man" is flawed. It's based on archaic teachings and influences which don't serve us today. I'm not saying that we should lose what in essence defines and what it means to be masculine, I mean that we need to embrace the mere fact that emotion is the currency of the future. Not sharing how we feel has young men committing suicide at alarming rates and depression sweeping across our gender.

The ability to share our thoughts and feelings allows us to express ourselves more clearly, feel understood, have the people in our lives feel understood, ask for what we need, build communities... And in the end, change the world.

Let's own the fact that we are emotional creatures and step into this emotional intelligence that we hide and play small with.

The result: Less war, rape, murder, abuse. AND Better fathers, sons, daughters, husbands, wives, girlfriends, boyfriends, families... And businesses. That's a world I see and am excited to build. #createthelove

So many of us can spend our lifetime waiting for people to choose us. We stay in relationships that never move forward because the other person is just. not. ready.

People often think that being direct and asking what someone wants from a relationship with us is too direct… that it will scare the other person away. How we love and what we want will be an invitation to the right person.

So for those that leave...good riddance. If someone doesn’t want what we want *that is valuable information*.

Look, if we want to find great partners and build great relationships we need to find someone who wants similar things. We need to choose people who are excited to choose us! We need to create the space in our lives for great love. It doesn’t mean that the people from our past or the people we meet aren’t great people, it’s just that they are not aligned with us… just like there are some people we weren’t ready for either.

So, instead of dating a person's potential, and giving away our own in the process, let go of convincing people to choose us. We cannot exchange our lives for a fleeting dream. That dream needs to be one that can actually be realized, and in order to realize it we need someone who’s all in for co-creating the magic that great love can be. #createthelove

@motusummit is almost sold out! There are literally 18 tickets left! Get your tickets now and use the code "createthelove" to save $50!

Also... the winners of our contest for two free tickets to MOTU and five free spin classes at @spinsociety with the amazing instructor @meganjanesoutar are & @roughgold - Congrats! Can't wait to see you there.

To everyone else, THANK YOU for entering and sharing your reason for wanting to attend. I hope to see you there!

I remember moments after breakups where I had no ability to even remotely conceptualize a future. I couldn't see past the fog and pain of the moment.
But this is why heartbreak and emotional devastation are so magical - they are a straight line to our souls. No bullshit. No masks. We are torn down to our core, our roots.

Now when I hurt I stay present. I don't numb it. I don't run from it. I don't try to wash it down with tequila. I get curious and ask it how I'm being invited to show up better.

I have so much gratitude for the people who've hurt me, who've lied to me, who've cheated... and just as much gratitude for the mistakes I've made. Every single one of these moments has taught me areas where I have needed to grow. They've invited me to learn how to have great boundaries. They've shown me my walls, how I could've communicated better, where I could've loved more.

The events that happen in our lives aren't random. Our families, our partners, our exes, our friends, our colleagues, they are all reflections of the work we're invited to do. Instead of wishing for a different path or a different life, embrace where you've been and step towards the beautiful life you want. The only reason we don't let go of the past is because we're afraid of an uncertain future. Release what you know. Become who you are. Accept the invitation you've always had to grow into your best self and to leave nothing unloved. #createthelove

We cannot control love, force it, or make it the way we wish… Getting someone to “commit” and/or get married doesn’t mean they will love us forever. Jealousy doesn’t mean people won’t leave us, it actually pushes them away.

It is paramount that we get this… that fear causes us to be angry, controlling, and in the end, unloving. Fear of losing love or not receiving it is at the core of why we lash out, disconnect, run, abuse, and hurt others. Everything we do to prevent us from losing it eventually guarantees we will. But, in that state, are we ever truly at peace?!

Love is freedom. Love is inviting our partner to be every bit of their imperfect selves. Love accepts that we don’t have it all figured out. Love is the safe space to make mistakes.

Communicate what it is you TRULY feel. When we’re not speaking about what is REALLY going on it comes out in so many other ways. We cannot hide from our deepest truths. Love starts with setting ourselves free from the grips of all the unspoken words and buried truths. Once we get aligned with that space, love flows freely… because we become it. #createthelove

It's easy to take the role of "fixer". To be the one who's always taking those broken hearts and piecing them back together... I know this one, I was a master for awhile.

But there's a couple flaws in this pursuit (we knew this wasn't gonna be good right?!). First... Being a fixer is a way of creating power in a relationship. The (often) subconscious belief is "if I help this person they will always need me"... So we go on dating people who are projects, and then low and behold, when they're better they disappear. And along with our hearts they've also taken how we determine our self worth (helping people). And the truth is, we created it all.

The second challenge is that this is the essence of conditional love. "If I help you I need you to love me in return." Boooooo. That doesn't work either.

So we need a way out right? Well first off we need to look at why we do this. Often it's because we've had those that love us leave us... And this usually starts when we're young. It can be because we had an absent parent and it can also be because we had a partner leave.

So the "why" is somewhere in there. How do we get out? We catch ourselves being attracted to the broken ones. (It's not our journey to fix them... Support and love and allow people to grow on their own). We stop dating people fresh out of relationships and we start to choose people who have their shit together (we're works in progress) and not dragging a u-haul truck of unprocessed baggage... And, we process our own.

If we're choosing people we need to fix, it's a good sign we're avoiding our own personal work. A good start is "The Four Agreements" and I 100% think every human should read "Attached" & "Loving Bravely" by @dr.alexandra.solomon . From one recovering "fixer" to another, you are so enough without needing to create added value. You. Just you... Are so fucking worth the love you're afraid of. #createthelove

Loving is an art. It must be learned, practiced and explored. Take the time to understand yourself and your heart. Instead of expecting your relationship to complete you and to give you all the things you crave, learn how to give them to yourself... and then you take all of the love that's spilling out of you, and pour it into your relationships, your passions and your dreams. #createthelove

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