createthelove createthelove

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MARK GROVES  Human Connection Specialist. I post no-BS relationship advice. Founder @MOTUsummit #CreateTheLove 👇🏼 Wanna Find Out How To Love Yourself?

To not make a choice is a choice. To continue to do things that hurt you and/or others is to continue to choose to not serve your greatest self.... Not to become the best version of you.

I say this without judgment... It took me awhile to recognize that the pain I felt (and sometimes feel) is from when I have not acknowledged and grown fully from a lesson. I can feel the struggle in my soul and heart when I haven't completely implemented the changes available to me from wisdom within an experience that hurt/didn't feel good.

The heart and body are wise. Feel into when you try to allow your mind to convince you that it's okay to keep doing what you're doing, even when you know it's a dumb choice. My life completely transformed when I made the agreement with myself and my soul that I would always live at my highest level of knowledge...

I invite you to do the same. It will be challenging, but it will also be worth it. You'll realize quickly that you're fucking yoda and you're much wiser than you ever allow yourself to be... and also, you'll be responsible for a whole lot more. Which is probably what you've been avoiding... I know I was :) #createthelove

Your self-worth is not connected to other people's words, thoughts or actions. When you allow what someone else tells you to become what you tell yourself, you've lost. You've become their puppet. You've given away your power. You've decided to depend on them for your happiness and whether you feel good about yourself or not.

This is a tough one though... because you were programmed to seek the approval of others. You were programmed to want to please those around you. This is evolution... The people who went against the system were killed, and women who did it were burned at the stake. So when it feels like a struggle to put yourself first or really even understand who you are and what you want... remember, you're forging a new path. Not many, if any have walked it before you.

This makes you both an inspiration, and someone who will likely suffer the loss of people you love, because someone taught them that love means giving up who you are.

So, you have a choice: Allow someone else to choose your life for you, or you choose your life for yourself, and in turn, take your power and your self worth back and put it in your pocket. I promise you that everything is hard before it gets easier... but that doesn't make it not worth it... it actually makes you value it more. #createthelove

Sign up now for my Webinar on how to cultivate a life where you can't help but love yourself... it's Called "Relationship-to-Self 101". There's nothing better than a life where we feel free to be ourselves.

We all have stuff we’re not proud of… and if we all knew about each other’s “stuff”, we would stop feeling shame because we would all see that we’re all flawed. Crazy, right? We’re all watching around pretending we have it all figured out, and feeling shame that we don’t… when the truth is NO ONE has it all figured out, and that’s the common thread that actually binds us.

Imagine if you told your friends, family, partner, and yourself, the truth?!? “I don’t know what I’m doing some days. I’m sorry I hurt you. Sometimes I’m scared to tell you things. That thing you did really hurt me.” And so on and so on. Stop holding on the your truths… that’s why you live with a sore stomach and a frog in your throat.

Your body needs to be freed from the prison of your truth, your anger, your grief. You were never meant to be held hostage in a world that is your own. What we all need is your roar, not your silence. Loving your truths (aka, pains) comes from sharing them, even with yourself, even if they feel ugly, and that’s what makes them beautiful.

If you want to learn how to become everything that you are click the link in my bio and sign up for my new workshop, Relationship-to-Self 101. We are all worthy of a life where we feel free. #createthelove

So many layers. So much beauty. #createthelove

Till we understand and are aware of it, most of us choose our partners to complete us.

There are parts of us we may not love, and in order to avoid those parts of ourselves we go from relationship to relationship... Living the same relationship patterns and never fully looking within and sitting in that space between "what was" and what "will be". Because in that space we begin to experience our loneliness and feel the wounds that our heart hasn't healed... What we don't realize, is that's where the magic lies.

To become whole is to love all of our parts. It's to undress the BS and actually begin to see what parts of our personality and identities we've created to be loved by others, and what parts of our true, authentic selves, are not being expressed.

To understand that we need to ask ourselves, "If I had no cultural and/or religious influences... If my parents and my friend's opinions didn't matter, who would I be? What sort of life would I be living?" This just scratches the very surface in uncovering the person we've created to be loved.

It can be intense and challenging at first, but I promise you, if you begin to get your life in alignment with what your heart sings for, you will be truly happy and attract the right people into your life.
Why does that scare people? Because a lot of people are in relationships with people they need to avoid themselves, not people they choose. #createthelove

If we stopped making 'being liked' more important than sharing our true feelings, then we'd all be so much happier. Not to mention we'd all love and be proud of ourselves for how we show up to the world. Self-love isn't a mysterious thing, it's living in a way that we have a deep respect for ourselves and our feelings. #createthelove

It's pretty simple really. People just want to know they matter. They want to know we give a shit. Give a shit. #createthelove

This is how I’m feeling about life more and more. Presence over bytes. (Still like this though... then go show up for the people who grace you with their time 😉). #createthelove

I love ghosting. It’s my favorite. It’s like someone dumped themselves for us. Anyone who ghosts is clearly someone we would’ve ended up dumping eventually. Thank god we figured it out so quickly, and not in 5 years when their kid needs them and they're a flake. #createthelove

(Ghosting is not actually my favourite... it's sarcasm. But ghosting is a behaviour that filters people for you. It's painful, but it's also the Universe having your back to dump unavailable people, which is pretty great if you tend to attract them.)

My friend @sofiabasie asked me to share what my rituals and habits are that keep me centered... And I couldn't help but be honest that staying centered is about allowing myself to not be on course all of the time.

It takes tenderness and compassion for self to allow ourselves to deviate from who we are and how we want to feel. That flexibility doesn’t allow for choosing to be out of integrity or alignment, but moreso to recognize and honour that I’m human and my responsibility is to always come back to my highest knowing... to continue to grow and expand and to embrace mistakes so I can learn from them.

I don’t have a militant practice of rituals... but I would say the one thing that always steers me forward and keeps me at peace is knowing that I am currently living everything I know to be true.... and that I am open and curious to changing as I get new information.As they say in AA, “It’s about progress, not perfection.”

When I feel “out”, the way I get back is anchors that I know are important to me: Working out, meditating, spending time on my own - and going to nature and in the trees. These are things that I know get me centered and help me find my way back to me.

If you want to learn more about how to live a life that feels free, click on the link in my bio and sign up for my new webinar: How to Find Your Purpose and Live It! #createthelove
📸 : @jaxonhowell

In relationships conflicts are opportunities to further understand and connect with one another. And our skills when it comes to arguing are mostly fostered through the observation of those who had an influence on us growing up…ie. parents, coaches, mentors, siblings, friends.

Most of these people learned from others who have never actually navigated an argument where on the other side of it was deeper intimacy and love.

Do you realize how rare that ability actually is? Most conflicting conversations are a tennis match between criticism and defensiveness…and then when things really escalate they lead to anger and withdrawing. Guess what happens next time there’s a conflict? Same dance. It’s a learned pattern, and one we can’t get past till we learn how to.

This is why most relationships never really gain that much depth… because each person is still communicating from their hurt as no one has ever shown them how to heal that hurt through words and conversation.

Pay attention to the emotional limits you hit in conversations whenever you’re triggered. This can be in ANY situation. Romantic relationships, friendships, and even in the workplace. You’ll begin to see that the moment where you want to shut down or escalate, is actually the moment when your deepest core desire is to be vulnerable and be heard and understood.

Make maintaining and creating connection more important than ego preservation and you’ll begin to see that you can build more intimacy in the space where you fear rejection the most. #createthelove

Dogs or cats? Dogs... obvi :p #createthelove

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