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MARK GROVES  Human Connection Specialist. I post no-BS relationship advice. Founder @MOTUsummit #CreateTheLove Upcoming Events 👇🏼


Have you ever felt so incredibly pulled to go somewhere and visit a place? Do you have adventures that you've hidden away, afraid to take the leap and go?

I have met so many life long friends and learned so much about myself and people through my travels. New people and new learnings change the course of our lives... They challenge the way we think and traveling solo allows us to meet ourselves. It teaches us that we can survive on our own... And no matter the situation, we can figure it out.
Traveling gets us to a place of flow and forces us to trust in serendipity... and that, is how lovers meet. #createthelove

Relationships should feel free. They should be where we are encouraged and we encourage. Where we become more of ourselves, not less. #createthelove

I love what @sophiabush has to say here... We have been sent SO many messages by culture, society and religion that tell us to fight for the familiar. I don't want people to get this message wrong... I'm not saying don't fight for something or someone you love... What I am saying is that if staying in a job, a relationship or even a place in anyway feels like you have to abandon yourself to do it... Don't. Do. It.

What is very interesting is that we will sit in emotional pain for so long that we literally have to numb and disconnect from ourselves. We will ignore it till it shows up in stomach issues and skin problems (and/or others)... Because you see what happens is that our body, when not in a positive and free-flowing state, is in inflammation. It is literally reacting like we're beside a tiger... Except that tiger is the things in our life which are out of alignment. This chronic inflammation leads to sickness because our body is always on high alert... And when it's on high alert we don't physiologically pump blood to our non-essential organs.... i.e. Our gut isn't essential in the moments of escape... But wait, Tigers and Life circumstances are different right?! Wrong. To our bodies, a tiger and a bad relationship or job are the same thing.

So what's the way out? Well we don't think of emotional pain like physical pain... If your leg was being crushed you'd try to stop it... Why don't you do that for your heart? See the messages we've been sent to fear growth because we'll challenge the systems which define "normal" aren't often conducive to a life that's true to ourselves. The greatest way to freedom is a life that is 100% in alignment with who we are... No secrets, no unsaid truths, no bullshit.

So if you want to find a way out you have to go in. The only way to get out of the pain is through it. So, I ask you... What are you avoiding? What words hold you hostage? What life is waiting to be lived? Start. And you'll see that life was really meant to be this fucking good. #createthelove

The most successful couples adopt this agreement: When we have conflict and pain, the world stops and I listen. We don’t let each other sit in pain. We don’t my leave each other hanging. We listen. We repair. And we move forward together with a deeper understanding and appreciation for each other. (Inspired by John Gottman) #teamworkmakesthedreamwork #createthelove

Be fierce. Be courageous. On the other side is the love you crave. #createthelove

Our relationship should not be our everything, it should be one component of a number of glorious things which compose our total life. #createthelove

Relationship endings are not the end. There’s a greater and grander story at play, and we have to let go of that greater story needing to have the same actor in the main role.

You can still have the life you want, you just have to accept this plot twist to allow yourself to continue writing the story. After all, you are the director, and not just a person playing a part. You get to choose. #createthelove

Our soulmates bring up our stuff... Why? Because they are our soul's....mate. They are here to call us on our shit and be the gift to our evolution and spiritual development.

A lot of people choose to not answer this call. They run from the thought of their heart opening and letting someone in who just might see them for who they really are. They might actually love us underneath the fraud that we claim to be.

Our greatest fears become realized with these people... Because we can no longer hide and play small. They push us to dream and love. They call us out on not communicating and shine light on where we need to grow. These people are the ones we are all searching for... Yet some of us choose safe. We yell at the top of our lungs what we want... And when it shows up we get scared.

I know. I've been scared. I've hidden from the dreams. I'm here to tell you it's normal to be scared. That's a good sign that you're on the right track. Your heart and soul already know your journey. You just have to listen and walk the path. #createthelove

It crazy how our lives and relationships shift. How one moment we're the most important person in someone's life and the next we're eating Häagen Daz ice cream and watching a Netflix marathon, trying to make it all make sense.

But that's the part that gets us stuck, is that as humans we really crave understanding. We want to understand 'why' so that we can intellectually put it to bed and file it away as a lesson learned.
I've found that not every partner can offer us that info. Perhaps they're not capable of sharing the truth because that truth may hurt us, or maybe they just run and hide, cause hiding has them avoid adult conversations... It's the cowards way out, but we can't let their inability to show up and their fear to just be honest hold us back from love that shows up for us.

It took me a long time to understand that I can't convince others to love me, speak their truth to me, or to show up... But I also can't expect that of other people when I'm not doing it myself.

So now I live by that metric - to be the best version of me and that is my invitation to everyone in my life to do the same.

Make your metric of what kind of partner you are and how you're living based on whether you're doing the best you can. That way our happiness never depends on others, because we set the standard to how people show up in our lives, and if they can't... Then that just makes more space for people who can. #createthelove

Don’t let someone else’s limiting beliefs become yours... we are literally capable of anything. What our mind does is it creates limitations, and adopts the stories and beliefs of others in order to support staying small. We do this because we’re subconsciously (and sometimes consciously) protecting ourselves from failing... but the price of that protection is that we never feel fulfilled and live not being fully expressed. This is basically how our minds and bodies become prisons to our true self expression.

When we limit ourselves and our truth, we cause ourselves pain... this pain gets numbed with addictions and distractions. If we want to feel amazing and heal our relationship to ourselves and our vices, the way out is to authentically express ourselves and allow our truth to be seen, heard and experienced. When we do that and remove the need for others to approve of us, we approve of ourselves. We become the source of our love and acceptance. When that happens we’re free and so are the people who love us, because we no longer depend on them to decide if we’re awesome or good enough... our free expression proves it to ourselves. #createthelove

There are no shortcuts to anything. It always happens right when it's supposed to... And when it doesn't it's because it's not meant to. The juice is in the journey. #createthelove

It's ok to not know what to do. It's ok to not have it all figured out. It's ok to think you do know what's up and realize at some point that you have no friggin clue.

The truth is that life is going to hit you upside the head more than once. It's going to flip you on your ass and remind you that you don't know shit. It's going to take you to your deepest depths so that you can prove that you can make it out, and become better than you were yesterday.

No one said life would be easy, and your job is not to make it appear so... Everyone around you is just trying to keep their messy shit together. And if we all just took a second to accept that truth we wouldn't need to parade around with material wealth to give the appearance as though we're not flawed. Imperfect would be the new beautiful and scars would would be our badge of resilience.

You're here to love deeply...To live all out and leave nothing on your plate. You're here to live a fulfilling life that isn't about whether you didn't make a marriage work or lost your job, it's about did you do the best you could. Be honest with yourself... Because if you're living in a way that is less than you're capable of, you will constantly be chasing a life that's different, through booze, sex, drugs...

The secrets out. We all don't have a clue what we're doing, and it feels fucking great. Our only metric should be whether we lived a life of kindness and compassion... And even if we didn't the whole time, once we recognized it, did we change?

That's what life's about.. Being the best version of ourselves. The rest of it is just the bullshit we do to avoid that meeting our truth. #createthelove

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