clairebidwell clairebidwell

6031 posts   7496 followers   810 followings

Claire Bidwell Smith  Grief Therapist, mother, and author of The Rules of Inheritance and After This: When Life is Over Where Do We Go? (Penguin) Based in Los Angeles.

Ojai vibes. 🙌🏻 My digs for the weekend.

Stopped in my favorite spot on the way up to Ojai. I've sat here dozens of times over the years, always using it as a reflective point. Always a place for whispering prayers for the future. I've sat here with my daughters, with friends, sat here the day before I met Mark, and I'm sitting here today, before I continue on to Ojai. This will be my last trip up there for a while and I'm already nostalgic for this time in my life.

I have my gratitude back though. After a hard autumn and winter during which projects fell through, money got tight, and I was sick, I lost direction. I became fearful and lonely, and a little embittered.

All this year I've been on the long, slow climb out of it, working hard to get my mind, body, and home in a healthier place. And just in these last couple of weeks I've felt myself rounding a corner.
So today I had no prayers for the future. The future is here. All I had to say to the water was thank you. This is the very place I'd been praying for.

Some days call for breakfast in bed. 💕

There are some things you can only learn in a storm.

Wednesday morning.

Love the one you're with. 💕❤️

Meeting Santa Monica's newest resident. @katiejdevine's Eliza Hamilton 💕

Interviewing my high school boyfriend @jordanrothacker about his new novel And Wind Will Wash Away. As teenagers we both dreamed about growing up to be real writers someday. I love that it came true for both of us. #awp2017

LAX ✈️ IAD || Notes from seat 24F

I'm writing this from 36,000 feet, an hour away from landing in Washington, D.C. I'm speaking on a panel at AWP tomorrow about the business of turning books into film.

The light is fading outside the window next to me, and it feels like I haven't been on a plane in forever.
I get so anxious before I travel, getting all the childcare lined up, the house organized, everything set in place to run on its own while I step out of my life for a few days.
The process spins me out every time. I think: I can't do this. Can't leave my girls, my life. Can't. Shouldn't. I'm afraid. Every time, I think these things.
All the way up until take-off. And then there is the feeling of the wheels lifting off the earth, the great weight of this machine, suddenly seemingly weightless.
The edge of the contingent slips away, and the horizon spreads out into oblivion. And then finally, the undeniable reminder that our lives are as big, or as small, as we choose for them to be.


Congrats to my beautiful friend @sarahjio on the publication of her new novel ALWAYS! A totally irresistible love story set in 90s grunge era Seattle obviously makes for a great read. But I have to admit that one of my favorite parts of this book is that the best friend of the main character is based on me. It was so fun to read all the quirky characteristics of myself that Sarah likes about me. Don't know what I would do without you, Sarah. And I'm SO proud of you. Pick up Always on shelves everywhere! ❤️

After all the rains, everything is blooming. Spring is coming.