citipati citipati

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Mahariel (HIATUS)  Amateur nobody. Still trying to figure my life out.

https://www.paypal.me/Elphus

This is my latest addition that I've saved up for for a damn long while. I hope you love my daughter as much as I do. πŸ’–πŸ’–
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Design: @cinnapai
Tattooist: @kannibl
Shop: Platinum Ink, Petersham, Sydney

I hate photos. Always have. It was just, if there was a record of me, I wasn't doing my job right, that kinda thing.
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This is one of the few photos I have with someone. Someone important. My crimes are severe, and my fury is a curse, and my life has been nothing but mistakes, and I've burned every bridge I ever walked across, but...
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I miss you. A lot. And I hope life from now on only shows you good things. I hope, without any fury or malice or spite, that life treats you even half as well as you treated me.
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ir abelas.

@beachslang tattoo. Based on the song "Too Late To Die Young."

Family.

One day I'd like to move past my guilt; the idea that, if I don't constantly feel it and remember it and bathe in the blood of my failures, that I'll be truly lost.
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It drives every action I make. Everything I do, and learn, and make of me - it's all in a way to keep this pit inside me, to keep cemented in me the gravity of my failures, and the effects they've had.
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I'm afraid to be close to people. If I'm close, if I have real feelings, if I believe for a second I'm more than the ghosts of all I've lost, then... What am I?
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Will I keep learning? Will I still be able to keep safe all of my memories of those I've lost? Will I be able to hold tighter with outstretched hands? Will my soul ever be found? Can my heart, so afraid and starved, feel the warmth of hands and suns in fields?
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I'm trying to learn. I'm trying to learn to be loved. I'm trying to learn to not keep everyone at a distance, to not be afraid of the absence of when people leave.
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If I'm not guilty, if I'm not alone, if I'm not constantly feeling the weight of my failures... Then I'm not sure who I am.
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I'm a bundle of regrets held together with stitches from knife wounds. I'm trying to be more, but I'm afraid; I'm so afraid of loss that I make sure I have nothing to lose in the first place.
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I'm trying to be stronger, with less steel skin - to be able to feel loved and happy, to smile without having to practice first, to move towards a future where dirt is dirt, and where I can hold onto those who love me.
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Sorry. This is long. I'm trying. I'm trying to feel again, but fear is paralysing, and I can't feel the wind, and I don't know what will be left.

Much love to @ektomorphosis for listening to my identity crisis issues and helping me calm down. πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–

My sister has three dogs. Link, Ollie, and Riley. Ollie damaged his spine two months ago, and we're teaching him how to walk again; Riley, tonight, has had a four-hour long seizure. Riley is 14 and has cancer.
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He will be put down in a matter of hours. I hope his sleep is one of peace, and love, and bliss.

My guiding star.

People are being so nice to me that I'm just crying over it. I'll find a way to make this up to everyone. Thank you all for kind words, and for trying to get some broken kid out of a broken house. ❀❀❀❀

My great beloved friend made me this. She's a fantastic artist and has the power to make me happy with everything she does, and this is no exception. Do you know how much baby Kanna makes me smile? ESPECIALLY with that little bow!!! AND THE WEE HAIR AAAAAA

Please please PLEASE view Faithoala's stuff on Tumblr and Twitter. She has a LOT of Fire Emblem stuff so trust and believe me when I say, you will never be disappointed.

Unsure if comms are still open but you can always ask!

@Faithoala (here, Twitter, Tumblr)

Photo posted with permission from both artist and commissioner. Please do not repost without permission. Thank you.

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