caseyjoloos caseyjoloos

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casey-jo loos  I came here to love ♥️ wordsmith•advocate 4 truth radio host @thepeakvancouver foreverchasingsunsets wrote a #poetry book >> #iseeyouiamyou 🌚 🌝 ⤵️

attention deep feelers
those who live heart centred
modern day philosophers
the souls who have always felt tender
it’s heavy these days, i know
i’ve been crawling out of bed
unsure how to lift all of the weight
heart in a chokehold
of the non-romantic way
feeling lost
unable to find deep breaths without a sting
to keep your heart intact, there’s always a way
where we land our heads and our hearts
in the cosmos at the end of the day depends
upon us
so i urge with a gentle thrust to be honest
speak your truths, with awareness, as we do
resist the reactions to harden and hide
even though we’re just a dot
swirling in a milky sea
these beating hearts need you.

take me back
when compassion
wasn’t part of a
marketing strategy
wasn’t just a hashtag
to get more likes and follows
when we liked ourselves enough
that we knew we were
and we didn’t stand taller
based on the false validations
of the internet.

it can be both an extreme privilege and a heavy weight, to sit in front of a microphone four hours a day. filtering through the noise, not wanting to contribute to more of the haze. ratings win and lose, attempting to capture in a seven second attention span society.

here’s when i’m experiencing “good” mental health.
and then seemingly, suddenly, it all becomes too much.
if you’re experiencing a mental crisis in bc, you have to go to the emergency room to receive ridicule and a quick once over from a psych doctor who will push pills at you, a label at best, and then push you out the door. if you’re lucky, or really “tragic,” you get on a wait list for therapy. after years of waiting, maybe you get into group therapy, which doesn’t address your needs specifically and can often make you think you’re carrying issues that aren’t yours. maybe you are privileged to afford your own therapy, which comes at a long search of finding the right fit, worse than attempting a tinder match. there are many forms of therapy and learning and un-learning and too many people just don’t have access or the funds at this point, and it makes it seem like not a soul cares. had i received ANY resources at all as a child or youth, maybe i would have had a chance at healing earlier or awareness and accepting responsibility. most people turn to coping mechanisms, all which are too long to list and depressing in their own right. then, society judges you and calls you “crazy” without understanding where you’ve come from, where you’ve been, and how you’ve processed it all [or not]. the @cmha_bc’s bounce back program aims at helping you access tools for your mental health, absolutely free. no wait lists. no discrimination. check out their program online for cognitive behavioural therapy or tell a young person that you love and care about [70% of mental health problems start in childhood or adolescence]. let’s help young people navigate the shit storm of our minds early. and as adults or if this is new, we have to learn to get ahead of it, if we can. you are never alone and there is someone who cares about past, present, and future you [it’s me]. also, mental wellness is not a fucking trend or a fad or just a hashtag, and sometimes the conversations around it need to be offline.

today i saw:
• a man with a slender silver ponytail taking three green parrots out on a walk on his shoulders
• a smirking y̶o̶u̶n̶g̶ ̶c̶h̶i̶l̶d̶ future american president with the bold faced words “you big idiot” on their shirt
• “why pay more?? 110 flavours!” outside a gelato spot in a cluster of tourists, over saturated with gelato options
• an old man barely shaking a giant promotional sign outside a gas station while holding a cup full of coffee that he didn’t dare lose
• a woman on the beach, buried into the chest of a man, shoulders sobbing like a wild horse let loose
• the quiet screaming gaze of another who didn’t just want to be friends, laughing loudly to cover up any evidence
• a dad taking a moving selfie while his family walked, unaware and not smiling
• you, living your new life through the window of a restaurant in a town i drove to gleefully, knowing there’s no chance you’d be there

i think about that time
every single day
the way the world ended
and with that,
some of the best parts of me
“i don’t want to live”
was scrawled on the wall
next to my sterilized bed
couldn’t they have
fucking scrubbed that off
before they threw me in here too?
“do you want an ativan?” they said
as if coaxing my breath into
temporary comas
could cure my collective heart collisions
we bathed in others screams and thrashes
the centre of my being
cracked and splintered more each time
treated like prisoners in rehab
yet in their eyes you’re too broken
to be truly mended
less than a human
and more like a lab rat
with no intention of keeping us
beyond the sick experiment
watching us behind windows
my roommates told constant lies
it took me a while to figure that out
not able to trust or believe anyone
would i ever smile again?
does anyone know where i am?
what self will emerge from here
if ever i can?

today someone looked at my chest and rolled their eyes. GOOD, i thought, IT’S WORKING.

honoured to be an official mental health advocate with @cmha_bc in their bounce back campaign for bc youth. if you’re aged 15+ in bc and experiencing mild anxiety or depression, you have access to their bounce back tools online! they offer cbt [cognitive behavioural therapy] videos, programs, and check ins with a real coach - FREE. this campaign is all about celebrating every day victories; sometimes that’s creating boundaries, sometimes it’s meditating for 15 min, sometimes it’s talking to someone, sometimes it’s limiting screen time, sometimes it’s chasing the sunset, sometimes it’s just barely making it out of bed.
what’s your every day victory that you’re celebrating today? me: embracing the noise of my mind with a smile. 🤡 💆‍♀️

“lately i was a bit under the weather so i decided to read something uplifting! now i know poetry and prose are completely and utterly subjective to one’s taste, what i consider a masterpiece might be someone else’s 1-star read, but believe me when i say “i see you. i am you.” will speak to everyone’s soul. 👏 i was lucky enough to get a copy of this beautiful poetry // prose collection by @caseyjoloos and let me tell you, I LOVED IT! being someone with layers and layers of walls built up around their heart, it was weirdly relieving to feel like someone out there understands you, feels what you feel! the trick to poetry is that it tells you what you already know to be true, in a new way you never thought of before... giving you a new perspective and touching a different part of you! that’s what’s so good with this book! i read it last week while on a mini IG-break and it helped me so much. 😊”
- athina, athens, greece
the most #realreviews of #iseeyouiamyou and i’m forever grateful.

one of the happiest times of my life
was on the island of corfu
i was alone
i didn’t speak or read greek
though i entertained a phrasebook
i threw myself up in a plane impulsively
gear shifting a rental
head banging to greek radio
i didn’t know where i was
i was utterly lost and yet the most found
living in false hopes
of letting love back into my life
practicing forgiveness and foolishness
while far away in another country
blue water, almost as thick and salty as my tears
the sounds and smells healed me
the cicadas shrill voiced scream
and rosemary
basking in the freshness of olive groves
and birds alerting to wake us
always beautiful new sounds and views worth marvelling
shaking my heart
weeping behind its cage
the love i felt, expressed, received, and was
healed me
there were many challenges
characters worth meeting
moments i got lucky
on the side of eroded cliffs
winding roads backing into alleys
hikes where i’d see no one
sometimes i noticed my alone-ness
but i never wanted for more
it was both terrifyingly exhilarating and life affirming
i wish every human to know this
it was then, maybe
that i first felt enough.
i’d do anything to get
those feelings back.

don’t tell me the ten things
successful people do
to start their day
do they wake up
and proclaim their love
for every thing
for the others
do they sit and pray and meditate
and create space
and wish peace for all beings
do they go to bed
and wonder
how they made them feel
are they really seeing
could they have softened more
were they true
if they died tonight
would they feel satisfied
like they lived
fully lived
what would they be willing
to let go of
to give
should they be blessed
to wake up tomorrow?
these are the questions
i think about
every single day.

it’s important to know
they only take up so much space
when they’re not actually around
if you let them.

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