We naturally need to have the garantee that we are not alone. In order to be confortable, we get close to people so that we know we have someone in the hard times. As people grow closer , secrets are told, laughs are shared and , mostly, exspectations are created. These expectations are like powerful weapons. They make sure to make you feel safe when potential difficulties run through your mind. However , at the same time, it can bring disapointment when they don't come true. Personally, I believe the ones who make you feel safer are responsible for the worst pain. And why is that? Because these people come to a level of intimacy and connection with you that you hope that they will notice when you are in need of their compation. Or even worse: you actually think they will support you and not act as if all the promisses then made were a lie.
A feeling of loneliness completely takes over my soul when the ones I trust the most show me that I can't really trust anyone,beacuse, at the end of the day, nobody remembers their beautiful words in hard times.
And the thing is, expectations are like chains. After broken you feel like a lonely part of something that was united once. You want things to be the way they were before. But your strings were riped so harshly that remaking the chain doesn't seem physichly possible. That is the moment when you wanna call someone, or talk about how you feel, but you just know there is nobody who would actualy want to listen.
It just happened to me right now. I am fucking tired of listening to cute things and then being pushed away. Really, if you don't plan to be loyal to the things you say, than just stay quiet. Feeling so fuckin alone.