camera_duels camera_duels

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Cole Sprouse  This instagram is dedicated to the people out there who secretly take photos of me, and how I take photos of them first. May the fastest camera win.

A blinding flash. Quick blur. Momentary desperation. Primal cooing. Inevitable defeat. Temporary victory.
Ahh yes, I know this ritual well. Is it wartime atrocity? Nay, tis a #cameraduel .
The subway is a photographic operating theater, and I am the cold body upon the table. So many shots lay unused within my library, that I intentionally avoid posting many of them. This one, this one however. This one is different.
The holiday spirit is in full form. There, behind sad dad and the ghost of Christmas past, a duel was stewing. A young woman pulled the number1 #rookiemistake : flash.
So excited was I, that I blurred the shot. Yes fair people, even pros are prone. Fear not, the bright light of shame shines through, and the flash is still visible. Unfortunately, the only real illumination was upon her characteristic frown of embarrassed defeat. #HeKnowsWhenYouveBeenBadOrGood #ColeInYourStocking

Don't tap on the glass, it scares the fuckbois.
Here I was, walkin with a slight limp, when I suddenly notice the glass next to me fogging up. Lo and behold, a camera duel was underway. You see,a camera duel is kind of like a spider sense, except it's located in the sphincter. I turned quickly, and in just enough time to also get my own reflection. Now, I'm not a fan of selfies, personally, but I suppose a good selfie always involves making other people feel insecure. So this selfie hit all the right criteria.
He thought by framing his iPhone with his delicate index fingers, he could steady his shakey hands. Wrong. My shot however, like a true pro: soft and steady, accompanied with a venomous smile.
#FriendlyCompetition #cameraduels #quakingbowels

Eating in public is dangerous when my brother and I are together, mostly because duels are a constant occurrence. Have you ever had a photo taken of you while you were #UvulaDeep in a shake shack burger? No? Well it's #Lovecraftian , and it's something you inherently want to keep out of the private albums of kids with wayyyy too much liberty on #WorldWideWeb .
This was the setting of our present duel. Female Zack and Cody here were trying to pull the ol' "casual selfie" technique, one that frames their target in the background of an otherwise Michelin portrait of one's many chins. I'll admit I always feel a bit guilt ridden when dueling children--it's a tad dubious to take the life of a child for social currency. #ItWillEventuallyBecomeNormalThough . They shot, I shot first. And while her back is turned, I'm sure the mother's maternal instincts had alerted her to her childrens' demise. #cameraduels #LittleDutchChildren #TheHaircutTranscendsGenerationGaps #pattyportraiture

I shot first. She looked at me and whimpered, "a-am I gunna end up on your instagram?" I let out a reassuring smile, "not anymore" I said calmingly as I looked the poor girl in the eyes and lied to her soul. Her friends joined me in Recognizing her guilt, they laughed, I laughed, WE laughed. It was a good time, you had to be there. Apparently graduation is not even enough to warrant acting like an adult, but who am I to talk?, I wore depends under my gown. Now that I've graduated people have been asking me "Cole, will you post more now?" To which I always say, "how did you get in my house?" #NYU #Graduation #cameraduels #pleasego

A nice afternoon as the only people sledding over 10yo, when, like an unholy din, a red menace washed over the pale white snow, camera in hand. I was a bull driven mad by rouge, and I knew...duel was on. Poor humble Douglas was caught in the crossfire, but friends die all the time in the game of war. It was only after the duel had ended, and the bodies of hundreds of Central Park children lay all around us that I noticed the man wore a #NationalGeographic emblem on his coat. He was a professional.
Used to shooting #wildbeasts , my mannerisms must have been familiar to him. And the look of determination in his eye was characteristic of a man who had seen both fear and wonder. We talked after the fight, as duelist's often do, and both held a mutual respect. He was @kikeo, check out his side of the story. #PoorDouglas #PhotoShootoff #Protographer #DuelingInTheBigLeagues #DaddyNeedsANewPairOfShoes

Wow, look at the face she's making. The human mouth should only open that wide for two reasons: (1) screaming 'fire,' and (2) wailing during moments of overwhelming humanity. Apparently I warranted that primal facial contortion.
YES I, it is I in that photo. I like to give opposing perspective to the #cameraduels , mainly because it's fun to see myself shoot victorious, but also because some of you...incurable skeptics...don't believe the duels actually happen. They say "Cole youre paranoid!" And they're right, I am, but clearly for a reason. This shot actually shows the victims POV from the last duel I posted. If you zoom in close to my face, you can actually see the twisted grin. Zoom even closer and I'm sure you could see Satan in the reflection of my goggles. Oh wait, nevermind... that's not Lucifer, that's just the girl screaming. #MortalQuestions #ScreamingSelfie #Opposhot

When you get sneaky photos taken of you, you pick up a profound sense of paranoia. All of your senses are heightened to the duelist's presence. You can smell em, you can taste em in the air, you can see the red aura that they burn off their boney frames. Most of all, you can hear your name whispered like voldemort. I've become adept at knowing when someone says my name, even in a crowded noisy lodge. (Kahhhlllll•ssssppprrooowwwss) is all I heard from the two girls staring at me out of the corner of my eye. Their pupils were pitch black, and they were smilin with teeth like sharp stones.if it weren't for the photo proof, I would swear the whole event took place in grainy black and white. Here are the two pullin the ole overtheshoulder slickpic. Looks at that venomous grin, like a guilty dog. #Coldemort #cameraduels #camera_duels #MammothMountain

Not but 30 seconds after arriving on the plane, a quick glance to my right revealed this seafoam sapiens breathing heavily and scrambling for her phone. Little lady must've thought, just because her phone matched her shirt, that I wouldn't detect her desperate photos. Firstly, my vision is based on fear, and I saw you right away. Second, nay.
The victim: @tater_tots15 claimed it was a "tie." Her innocent account name perfectly reflects how violently she lost. She posted a picture of our duel, in which my debonair gait and relaxed posture so too reflects how prepared I was for her ludicrous display of #AeronauticArseholery . My Cheshire grin must have scared the other passengers, and I was quickly escorted off the plane for being #TooDamnBomb #cameraduels

Who would have thought, the mother with child, would have prioritized taking our picture over steadying her baby's carriage on a moving train? I did. I would have thought.
Firstly, her child is too young for The Street Life of Shaq and Kobe, so we all know she was taking that picture for herself. Unless of course she was making a long term investment, banking on the baby enjoying the show when #it grows up. #ItsCalledInvesting . Trying to be sneaky, she made the number 1 rookie mistake, #Flash . My poor, helpless, innocent, virgin brother was caught in the middle of our duel. You can see the fear in his eyes and the determination in mine, both being trumped by the look of shame in hers. #cameraduels #BabyOnBoard #FamilyDrama #TheStreetLifeOfShaqAndKobe

"I just don't wanna be in the picture" she said, saddened by the fact that she was now collateral damage. Vengeance was the only thing on my mind, the lady's honor depended on it. I was in no mood for photos...I had a different kind of ammo for this. Sometimes a duel asks for a new kind of approach, and so a video was appropriate.
The poor duelist signaled game on by screaming a whisper into her companion's face. This was shortly followed by a giggle, one that was enough to make a hyena jealous. The male companion grabbed his floppy hat and smiled nervously. This is when she fired the first couple shots. Thankfully (and "unfortunately" if we're being politically correct) the crowded subway goers took the shots for me. Necessary casualties. Now is when the video began, panic already sewn through the entire car with multiple people's photos already taken. Let the duelists' final expressions tell you who won. #cameraduels #SubwayShowdown #streetfighter #video #ManyFramesOfShame
Also, I started another Instagram account: @sprousemasterworks
Lets just say it's dedicated to the drawn art pieces from the sprouse fanbase. If you like camera_duels, you'll enjoy it. Or maybe you won't, either way #IWillStillSleepAtNight #TLDR

#cameraduels #camera_duels #MechanicallyMischievous
Look upon it, do you see? This is the venomous face of mischief incarnate. I've decided to zoom this picture into, what may be, an uncomfortable proximity of this boy's head. It does serve a purpose though, and I wanted you all to plainly see what a duel looks like from a contestant around 16yo. They all do this exact face, and I don't often paint with such a large brush, but Instagram is a place for generalizations.
Lets break it down mechanically. Chin down, eradicated by the skin of the neck. Nostrils flared in an ape-like message of passion. Cheeks bulging with rotten words. Eyes half closed after a session of frantic blinking. And, of course, the smile, that damned thing, illuminating an upper jaw triumphing over its defeat of the lower.
Mania, pure insanity. What scared me the most, however, was how this kid looked like he could've been a younger sibling. How often have I made this face?

#cameraduels #camera_duels #ATrick #AngerCafe #Caf'anger "Don't worry, I won't post this photo" I told him lokinously. Yet even with glasses he didn't see through my illusion.
Behold his defeat!
His friend, the girl honking her vocals on the right, knew he was bested, and tickled by the event I quivered with a publicly pleasant rage. Winners write the events in history, and this duel has forever been etched on virtual stone.

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