*this picture is almost 3 years old* I loved my body, but HATED my life. I’m happy this picture popped up in my timeline because just today someone was SO surprised when I told him that I’m not really lifting much anymore. His response was “WHAT?! Why? Lifting was your life” and it hit me..... Once I put fat back on, I used to look at pictures from my leaner days and envy (can you envy yourself? 😂) how thin I was. I would get mad at my current self for “losing discipline”, “falling off” and “letting myself go”, which is CRAZY to look back on because even when I’m thicker, IM HEALTHY.
Now when I look at this picture I don’t see the “ab goals” chick, I don’t see health and I definitely don’t see happiness.
I see the girl who was giving herself to toxic men that couldn’t give a damn about her.
I see the girl that was being driven into a wall by her toxic leadership and drowning at work.
I see the girl that was flooded with anxiety and depression; the one that had given up on her career goals and used fitness as a distraction from what was going on in real life.
I used to beat myself up for not being “that girl” anymore. In retrospect, IM HAPPY THAT IM NOT. Now I’m with the man that I will love and be love by for the rest of my life. I was reassigned to an awesome unit where I advanced more in 5 months than I did in the last 3 years, and will be moving to another one soon.
While I will still get anxious and down some times, NEVER AGAIN WILL MY DEMONS BE A PERMANENT PART OF WHO I AM.
I will always love and cherish fitness, but I’m glad that the “I’m doing this because I HAVE to” days are long gone 🖤 Love yourself through every season. #ifYouHungThisLongILoveYou 😂 #longpost #truthspeaks #loveyourself #beYouBeTrue #tbt #mentaltransformation