It started with a simple accident at the gym, which then turned into a foot problem, which then turned into a leg problem, which then turned into horrific pain which led to the hospital which only made things worse with a septic infection from whatever they did and the medication they gave me which made things worse which led to lack of movement in both legs and me mostly bedridden, and in deep depression, sadness, & lack of engagement in the world or things I used to love doing. I was always athletic and active and my mind could not comprehend feeling like a dead weight. I could not even answer the phone.
For over two years this darkness, emptyness, pain, void, depression and isolation has been my life. If you have known me before you know that's not the real me. I have disconnected & isolated from all who I love and care about, both friends & family because I swore to myself I would not involve or entangle people in my suffering and I kept thinking, "tomorrow it will be better, and I'll talk then.... no need to bring others down. . no.. tomorrow will be better... and I'll talk then... & that tomorrow dragged out for over two years. I wasn't putting any creative output or content out, and I have been a shadow of my formal self.
Savings is gone and eviction is coming in a week.
I apologize to everyone for completely cutting off. I wish I could hit a delete button on 2017 & 2018 and have those years back, but I can't. I know others have gone through very tough times and still hung in there, and I was nowhere to be found, and I'm sorry. I was thinking of you all the time. I miss you.
PM me if you can.
#help #helpme #reachout #depression #isolation #fuckmylife #blackout #change #light #darkness #comedy #sadness #understanding #openingup #love #compassion #life #trauma #grityourteeth #hope