By the time I had realized what I'd done it was too late. Only a few seconds had gone by with my back to the plate but that's all she needed. That plate was so clean I could have put it back in the cupboard and in those few seconds she was already laying down in the same spot as before the deed thinking I wouldn't notice. She may have been panting from the warmth inside the house, or the bit of spice in the sauce but at that moment I got to the living room, looked at my spotless plate saying "what.the.fuck" as I turned to look at her she was already looking at me dead in the eyes. I swear she was smiling and laughing at my dumbass. I told her to get outside, and she happily trot to the back door.
I'm sure you're expecting this to be the end of my story, but you are sadly mistaken. It gets better.... After a short time goes by that felt like hours when you're hungry, I've cleaned and prepped a new plate for MYSELF. Using the other half of noodles and sauce saved for lunch tomorrow. I set it on the coffee table in the living room with a new cold beer, CUTLERY, and luckily enough the game was still on. I'm about to dive in as I look to the right and see that cute face starring at me through the French doors while she's banished to the deck. Any other night in that situation I would have gladly ate it in front of her, laughing as I do it, but it was a cold winter night with some heavy rain coming down so I let her back in. Usually I open the door and she steps in and stands there as I dry her off, paws included, then send her to her mat. That was not the case this time.... that bitch shimmied past my knees and B-lined it to my final plate of spaghetti! In one pass of the plate she stuck her tongue out and reeled in nearly half the plate. At that moment I was astonished by two things, 1. The quickness of such a big dog in a short length, and how fast the food got to her mouth 2. The nerve she had to pull it off!. 100%, her thought process was "Dad's not home, no more rules".... Yes, she did get banished back to the deck. Not only did I not get to eat any of that spaghetti, but I had to clean up the trail of mud and water she left behind during her sprint.