aylaamano aylaamano

159 posts   350 followers   235 followings

Ayla Amano  Writer, videographer, speaker, coach and passionate advocate for living authentically in every area of our lives.

http://www.aylaamano.com/blog/2017/8/14/men-please-stop-assuming-we-dress-for-you

Spring is in the air! Even though this has been the easiest winter I can ever remember, I still can't wait for long evenings, warm ocean swims, super-charged freckles, and all the avocados. 🌷🌦🥑✨
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#spring #winterwillend #sunshine #daffodils #lambs #blossoms #light #emergence #flourishing #happydays

"...Finally, I felt like I could wear what I want without worrying what anyone thought. As it turns out, I love expressing myself through clothes. I love colour and funk. That doesn’t mean I dress “up” all the time. In fact, I spend a large part of my life in jeans and sneakers, but I also derive enormous pleasure from style. When I had nobody to impress and nobody’s approval to gain, I felt free to have fun with my appearance. I love expressing the different aspects of myself. I love how my wardrobe, or my haircut, or the kind of makeup I wear reflects the different energies and aspects of my character.

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When I look back over my life, the times I have felt the most confident, the most empowered, the most happy and the most myself, have often been when I've been the boldest with my appearance. It seems that men sometimes assume that we need to get dressed up to feel good, but actually for me it’s more like the other way around. When I feel good, I express myself more creatively. Wearing make-up and doing my hair and wearing fun clothes is a symptom and a result of me feeling great. This is an important part of who I am. I love feeling sexy and funky. And that doesn’t detract, in any way, from my depth, my intelligence or my substance. Why would it? It may be the complete opposite for other women, but that’s the whole point.

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When men share their appreciation of a bare, natural face, I understand that this is probably meant to be empowering. That it’s enormous progress from a past in which we were expected to dress up for men. It’s a definite step in the right direction and I appreciate that telling a woman she doesn't need makeup is a wonderful and kind thing to say.

But I think we’re ready to take it one step further. However women choose to present ourselves, it’s not really about you..." Excerpt from my latest blog, part 2. Link to full post in bio>> . . .

#femininity #sexy #selflove #makeup #fashion #creativity #expression #authenticity #selflove #courage #tattoos

"The other night, a very dear male friend of mine suggested to me with the most benevolent intentions, that perhaps by dressing in a way that accentuates my beauty and physical *allure*, I may be turning away the deep, thoughtful, men of substance that I would like to attract.
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When he said that I was like, wow… you know what, I really could not agree with you less!
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As a teenager, I remember feeling like I “needed” to wear makeup. I wore foundation every day, because my face looked strange, pale and wrong to me without it. I’m not sure what age this started, but by the time I was seventeen, I didn’t really feel comfortable going bare-faced.
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In my early twenties, I started dating a guy that just adored me, and he loved the way I looked without makeup. He told me repeatedly that he thought I was stunningly beautiful without it, and that I didn’t need it at all.
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This was, for the most part, quite liberating. I remember the first day I didn’t put makeup on at his house, and he didn’t even notice. After that, I hardly wore make-up for the next three years. I got completely used to my bare face. I also cut my hair, which had always been long and feminine, to a neck-length bob. This also felt daring, and exposing. Less to hide behind. Less to style. This was deeply healing for me, and I will forever be grateful for his role in my ability to show up un-edited.
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But after a while, I kinda started to miss makeup. The thing is, it wasn’t *only* for fixing my perceives flaws, it was also a way to express myself. It was fun. There’s something playful and feminine about beautifying ourselves. But my partner didn’t just think I didn’t need makeup. He *preferred* me without it. In time, I shut a whole part of myself down. I stopped wearing makeup, I stopped wearing heels, and I stopped dressing in a ‘sexy’ way, not because I was liberated from the idea that I needed to impress anyone, but because I knew he didn't like it. I was going all natural, and I was doing it for him!" >>excerpt from blog. Link in bio> 🔥
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#selflove #feminism #bareface #style #expression #femininity #fashion #bold #sexy

Today, a very wise man encouraged me to stir it up, be a nonconformist and fuck the white light in favour of some sass. Now that's my kind of shamanic healer. 🔥
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#fire #sass #shaman #healer #goodadvice #courage #warriorspirit #rebel #keepinitreal

Getting EXCELLENT BOUNDARIES will be one of the greatest gifts you ever give, not only to yourself, but to the people around you and to the world.
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Come join me for 4 weeks of deep-dive, practical tuition on how to establish and communicate healthy boundaries, so you can experience:
💎More time
💎More energy 💎Greater focus and clarity 💎More respect, appreciation and acknowledgment 💎Greater satisfaction and purpose 💎More freedom, spontaneity and ease.
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If you really wanna learn how to establish and communicate healthy boundaries, this course is for you.
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AYLAAMANO.COM/BOUNDARIES 👉Link in bio 🙌
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#boundaries #selfworth #relationshipgoals #selflove #selfcare #coaching #growth #authenticity #empowerment #relationships #wellness #wellbeing

It's less about the what and more about the why. Going for a run can be a harsh expression of body punishment, or an exuberant act of self-love. Makeup can be an insecure attempt to "look better", or a playful celebration of our beauty. A selfie can be a hollow cry for attention, or a brave willingness to show ourselves. Therapy may be a loving investment in our own wellbeing, or a belief that we're broken and need fixing. The very same actions can come from love or from fear. What is empowering for me may be demeaning for you. The very same thing that was loving yesterday, may be forceful today.
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That's why it doesn't work to have external "experts" tell us what to do. They can provide information. They can provide perspectives. They can provide research and experience to draw on. But only we we can decide our values. Only we know what we really need. Only we can move ourselves authentically in step with our own truth. .
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#truth #purpose #values #authenticity #empowerment #selflove #selfworth #selfcare #growth

"I'm not asking for too much. I'm asking for too much *from this person.*" - wise words from @daniellelaporte .
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#standards #needs #selfworth #selfesteem #selflove #boundaries #relationships #relationshipgoals #selfcare #inspiration

**I was drinking every night and having heart palpitations** pt2: "Suddenly, I was in a totally new reality. Not only was my workload about one quarter of what I had been doing before, but I was actually having fun. I spent my days laughing and joking with my boss. If we ever worked late he’d buy me pizza. But the best part of all was that now that I was doing so much LESS, I was being appreciated so much MORE. I was respected, and acknowledged for my contribution. I was thanked and encouraged. I was asked whether I was available for weekend work, and then paid extra if I accepted. I was earning a healthy salary. My workmates were happy and relaxed. Our clients and contractors were happy and relaxed. There were no dramas. I felt like I’d hit the jackpot. How could this be possible? I had previously experienced everything being hard. Now, everything seemed easy. This role was a step up in responsibility from my last, and while I was pleasantly challenged, I was never stressed like before.

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I was extraordinarily blessed, and I contribute a huge amount of my happiness in that role to a truly wonderful, generous and supportive employer. Without question, I was incredibly fortunate to be in that place. However, I also believe that this opportunity opened to me only when I had the courage to say no to my previous scenario. I was honestly willing to walk away from that job if it couldn’t meet my requirements, and I’m sure this coloured the relationship from the beginning. I was absolutely clear and firm on my needs and my boundaries, and this revolutionised my professional world.

There was no payoff for having more free time. I didn’t gain in one area to lose in another.

I gained in time and energy.

I gained in financial rewards.

I gained acknowledgment.

Respect.

Appreciation.

Fun, pleasure and ease.

I gained in every way..." .
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Excerpt from my latest blog about what happened when I got some good boundaries. Follow the link in my bio >> .
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.#boundaries #coaching #selfawareness #selflove #selfcare #relationships #communication #connection #career #empowerment #authenticity #video #film

***I was drinking every night and having heart palpitations*** "I was working on average until 7 or 8pm every night without a lunch break. My wage was only just above what I was earning at age 19 as an office junior (filing, etc.) and now I was managing a hundred-thousand dollar production, on top of a handful of other five figure productions simultaneously. My stress levels were out of control. My workplace was toxic. I had a boss who was not really able to emotionally regulate, and I was absolutely terrified of him. I’d come home late in the evening and drink two or three glasses of wine, almost every night just so I could ‘come down’ slightly from my keyed up frenzy. Then in the morning I’d have to have 2-3 cups of coffee so I could ramp up to the hectic speed that I was required to operate at for the next eleven hours.

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Then, I started to get heart palpitations. If you’ve never really felt your physical heart do weird things, let me tell you that it is one of the most horrible, scary and sickening feelings. They’d usually come on in the evenings. Little bursts of quivery spasms which lasted into the night. I was suffering anxiety. I felt like I was going to have a panic attack. After two weeks of this, I decided I’d had enough. I made the decision to leave.
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Very soon after making that decision, I was offered another job. I wanted to accept the role, but I didn’t go racing in. Not without setting some very clear parameters. You see, this experience had brought some things sharply to my attention. I was no longer willing to suffer in this way. Before I even took the job, I set some major boundaries.
I laid out boundaries around my work hours.

I laid out boundaries around my overtime, and compensation for this.

I laid out boundaries around my health and energy outputs.

And I asked for a lot more money.
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My new employer said ‘yes’ to everything, and I stepped into my new position. And holy shit, you guys, I cannot tell you how my life changed..." #

excerpt from today's blog. My course on boundaries is officially open! Yay! Link in bio>>
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#boundaries #blog #needs #workgoals #relationships #empowerment #authenticity #careergoals #wellbeing

I'm honoured to be speaking at @some_feminist_club_nights the third instalment of this cosy Wine Cellar evening of women-lead music and mulled wine, curated by the lovely @jessiesribbon. Next Thu 10th August, I'll be waxing lyrical on the life changing magic of getting some good boundaries 😌 alongside Trip Pony, @siobhanleilani and @falseheights. All proceeds go to @aucklandcitymission. Come along and warm your wintery cockles 💛
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#somefeministclubnights #winecellar #music #gig #auckland #winterwarmer #mulledwine #boundaries #feminist

Hello lovely people. I have found over the past months that many people keep asking me about boundaries, and the posts and videos I have made about boundaries have been very popular. It seems this is something many of us struggle with! So, I have decided to offer a 4-week deep-dive course on how to establish and communicate healthy boundaries. This might assist you if you: - are often busy, stressed or overwhelmed
- are often depleted, exhausted or rundown
- find it hard to make for things that are important to you
- struggle to ask for what you need
- tend to feel a sense of obligation to give to others...
- and feel guilty or 'selfish' if you don't
- tend to feel unappreciated, undervalued or taken advantage of
- wish you had more time
- wish you had more energy
- wish you could get your sense of humour back, and be back to your fun, vibrant self.
This is a deep-dive, comprehensive course with practical steps for demystifying boundaries once and for all, and I haven't seen anything else like it on the market. If you would like to join us, we kick off early September. DM or email me for more details: ayla@aylaamano.com 💛
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#boundaries #relationships #authenticity #empowerment #growth #connection #relationshipgoals #selfcare #selflove #selfawareness #coaching

"In some of my past relationships I had the feeling that my partner didn’t always see or appreciate my reality. I sometimes felt that he was unable, unwilling or simply uninterested in seeing the world through my eyes, feeling through my heart, or walking in my shoes for the sake of comprehending me.

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But what I realised over time, was that I was, in some ways, contributing to this dynamic by making his reality more important than mine. The thing is, it felt easy for me - most of the time - to empathise with his experience. I could look beyond his current behaviors or circumstances to see who he was at the core. I placed value on his intentions. I held him in compassionate regard.

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But what I didn’t realise is that sometimes, by being so accommodating of his reality, I actually lost track of my own. By focusing on what was going on for him, I lost sight of how this was impacting on me. By being so understanding of WHY he wasn’t able to give, I ignored the fact that *I wasn’t receiving*. #

It’s important that we learn to hold space for another person’s experience, but not at the cost of our own. We have to balance empathy with a healthy regard for ourselves. Their needs with our needs. Their reality and our reality. Because at the end of the day, we’re in a relationship because we have needs. If someone can’t show up in a way that meets our relational needs, it doesn’t actually matter why. It may not be their fault. It doesn’t make them wrong. They could have the best intentions or the worst. But in the long run, if they’re consistently unable to actually deliver, then the outcome is the same. Our reality hasn’t changed. It’s not actually the thought that counts, it’s our reality over time..." #

Excerpt from my latest blog - link in my bio <3
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#empowerment #authenticity #growth #connection #relationshipgoals #relationships #boundaries #empathy #compassion #balance #integration

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