I have no clue what to say or how to begin. I’m not in a place where I can eloquently, tactfully, politely, or grammatically correctly say what needs to be said. So, for today I’ll say what I can even if it’s sloppy and messy and I’m just not going to care or proofread. ———————————————————————
Yesterday, my Papa killed himself. Yes, another suicide. I thought I would know the signs now and catch them the next time. But none of us ever thought my Papa would do this. He wasn’t just a grandpa I saw a handful of times in my life. He was another dad for me. He’s one of the people I loved most and loved me most. ———————————————————————
At the risk of sounding rude, please, don’t try to comfort me by using the specific phrases “it was his time” or “God called him home.” Suicide is not God’s timing or plan. Yesterday was not his time and definitely not the way he was supposed to leave us.
That’s as much I can say for now. And I’m only even say this much because I have to unfortunately tell — not ask — people:
do not reach out in any form of communication regarding work, photography, social activities, asking favors of me, events, or anything else aside from my mental and emotional state or funeral arrangements until August 14th when the world has to start spinning for me again.
If you want to reach out to me in love and to check on me though, you can.
Understand that I’m grieving and planning and attending a funeral for my Papa. If anyone messages me about anything, even personal, please know I may not respond. Or it may be severely delayed. And when I do respond, it may be short or not make sense. I’m in zombie mode. I’m still in so much pain from my oral surgery, taking pain medicine, having a rough recovery, unable to eat, and now this... I’m just not okay.
I’m not okay.