Okay, let’s talk mental health. I’ve realised over time that despite being very for the de stigmatisation of mental health disorders, I stay relatively quiet about mine for fear of judgement and impact on my income - which isn’t okay. That’s not who I want to be.
I have schizophrenia. I struggled with delusions and hallucinations with mild paranoia through my teenage years and was eventually diagnosed a year after being sexually assaulted, a process that started in hospital after a psychotic episode and suicide attempt when I was nineteen.
Schizophrenia has a lot of comorbidities and I was also diagnosed with depression, anorexia and body dysmorphic disorder around a year later after dropping to 39kg.
Today I am at a healthy weight, and through time, psychiatry and periods on medication in the past I’ve developed the mental tool kit to allow me to exist in a positive state in this world.
I still deal with schizophrenia and BDD every day. I have magical thinking and hallucinations, but I now logically know that these aren’t things that are real. I still struggle - although my logic tells me there are no voices or shadows or people reading my mind, my gut still urges me to believe it all. And I don’t really know what my body looks like - after not weighing myself for over a year I was weighed by my doctor and found that I weighed 10kg less than I thought (a lot when you’re only 4’10”!) It’s hard. It’s the main reason I have very very few close friends, and why I hold almost everyone at arm’s length. It’s one of the reasons I don’t leave my house that much besides for university or groceries.
But I’m fighting. My medical record no longer states that I have anorexia or depression. I am HAPPY. My mental illness affects the way I view the world but not my functioning. I am a great parent and I’m a great student.
So um yep not sure how to end this as a post but now you know! If you have any questions feel free to ask me, I’m really trying to be as open about this as possible and would love to have an open dialogue.