arachnie arachnie

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Arachnie - Aussie Suicide Girl  🇦🇺 Hair:@peach_industries @nakhair Body Positive 🌱Vegan 🌱Mother Ava Arachnie on @xtremeplaypen

Let’s talk about my last post. Firstly I want to let you all know that everything I’m about to say comes from a place of wanting to inform and educate and open discussion, not defensiveness. Whenever I make clarifying posts like this I invariably have a lot of people telling me I seem easily offended/overly defensive. That’s not the case - but I do want to challenge people to think and I want people to challenge me to think.
I need to clarify that the caption for that post is a Kendrick lyric I had stuck in my head. I am not against photoshop, it’s a fantastic tool for photographers to create art and produce exactly what their clients want. What I am sick of - heavily retouched selfies from people who don’t acknowledge that they’re retouched. Check out @celebface for what I’m talking about.

A lot of the comments on that post said that I shouldn’t be ashamed of my scars/stretch marks because I’m a mother or that they’re “story lines”/“tiger stripes” etc. But I had plenty of scars and stretch marks before I was a mother, too. We don’t need to assign meaning to them for them to be okay. They’re normal parts of our body. They mean nothing to me and that’s totally fine. (It’s also fine if yours carry meaning for you! But it’s not necessary to accept them.) There’s a lot more I could say but this post is already in teal deer zone so I’ll leave it. Thanks for reading friends, feel free to share your thoughts ❤️ This gorgeous shot is by @frankndame for a set coming soon to their Patreon!

I’m so fucking sick and tired of the photoshop.

s t r a w b e r r y 🍓 This set by @shotbyash is something really special. Get very up close and personal with me on @suicidegirls in early 2019 🍓

I usually don’t like what I see in the mirror. When people ask me about my eating disorder and if I’m “fully recovered” I often tell them that I believe I’m always in recovery, never recovered. The average length for a full physical recovery from anorexia is seven years. I have relapsed twice - and relapsing is so much harder online, where I’m praised for weight loss by people who assume weight loss is always the goal and don’t understand why it isn’t always a compliment.
While I have been a healthy weight for over two years now, I still have a mental battle every day. I feel guilt when I eat. My body and metabolism changed dramatically with motherhood and what I see in the mirror doesn’t reflect what others see.

I remind myself every day that my body is worthy and beautiful regardless of what I see in the mirror - and also that my body does not define my worth. I’m more than my shell.

Affirmations have POWER. Tell yourself every day that you are beautiful and you will grow into that statement. Tell yourself that you are strong and worthy and valid every day and you will begin to believe it.
If you’re struggling with an eating disorder or negative self image, the way you feel is valid if you are a healthy weight or overweight - you do not need to be underweight for your eating disorder to be serious and worth treatment.

We’re doing this, friends. I’m sending light and power to any of you who need it.

So many people are asking where I got these glasses from - they’re @zeelool and I didn’t expect to love this style on my but I kinda do 🤷🏼‍♀️ Tell me in the comments if you wear glasses! Do you love them? Hate them? Use contacts instead? Also shout out to the tiny rainbows on me 🌈

Sometimes I actually wear a proper bra and then I feel like I have a whole new set of boobs 🍊🍊

Okay, let’s talk mental health. I’ve realised over time that despite being very for the de stigmatisation of mental health disorders, I stay relatively quiet about mine for fear of judgement and impact on my income - which isn’t okay. That’s not who I want to be.

I have schizophrenia. I struggled with delusions and hallucinations with mild paranoia through my teenage years and was eventually diagnosed a year after being sexually assaulted, a process that started in hospital after a psychotic episode and suicide attempt when I was nineteen.

Schizophrenia has a lot of comorbidities and I was also diagnosed with depression, anorexia and body dysmorphic disorder around a year later after dropping to 39kg.

Today I am at a healthy weight, and through time, psychiatry and periods on medication in the past I’ve developed the mental tool kit to allow me to exist in a positive state in this world.
I still deal with schizophrenia and BDD every day. I have magical thinking and hallucinations, but I now logically know that these aren’t things that are real. I still struggle - although my logic tells me there are no voices or shadows or people reading my mind, my gut still urges me to believe it all. And I don’t really know what my body looks like - after not weighing myself for over a year I was weighed by my doctor and found that I weighed 10kg less than I thought (a lot when you’re only 4’10”!) It’s hard. It’s the main reason I have very very few close friends, and why I hold almost everyone at arm’s length. It’s one of the reasons I don’t leave my house that much besides for university or groceries.

But I’m fighting. My medical record no longer states that I have anorexia or depression. I am HAPPY. My mental illness affects the way I view the world but not my functioning. I am a great parent and I’m a great student.
So um yep not sure how to end this as a post but now you know! If you have any questions feel free to ask me, I’m really trying to be as open about this as possible and would love to have an open dialogue.

Thank you so much for all the wonderful messages I received overnight. I am so incredibly grateful for the life I’m able to lead and everything in it but it can also be overwhelming and difficult at times, and it’s one of those times right now. I’m sure all of you have experienced this - it’s the couple of big things and a LOT of little things coming together and just knocking you flat. I feel like I’m barely keeping my lil head above water. But I still am!! I also feel like my content here has been a bit work-focused recently and obviously that’s important but I want to ask you all - would you like me to share more about mental illness? Every time I post about it I cop backlash to the point where I’ve ended up staying relatively quiet about it but I DO also understand that the way to combat those stereotypes about disorders like mine is to keep talking about them. Thoughts?

Tl;dr - I’m a bit sad, enjoy my bum.

Come on and let me know, should I cool it or should I blow?

I know I’m a hermit and I’m rarely seen outside of the house but... I’m actually thinking of MAYBE perfecting my Ramona Flowers cosplay, taking it out of photos into the real world and attending some Australian cons next year! I’ve NEVER been to a con in my entire life and I consistently do my best to push my boundaries and experience new things.

1. What’s your favourite con in Australia? Where should I come hang out?

2. What’s a boundary you’ve pushed recently or want to push in the next year or so?

This photo is by @frankndame and is part of an SG set that will be out in time for Christmas!!

Low quality photo, high quality bum.

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