PART TWO: 3. I just was. Every thought, feeling, emotion, pain- I arrived for it all. I sat with it and kept reassuring myself that everything I was feeling was valid. 4. I still put in effort. Despite the ache I met up with friends, spent time with Andrew and family. I went to work. I cleaned my apartment. I listened to positive soul food (@yoga_girl 's podcast does it for me) I took care of myself. I did the things even though it took all that I had. 5. I did some backtracking. I thought back to any diet changes, vitamin changes, medication changes etc. that could have been contributing to my sudden depression onset and that's when it hit me. The same month I started to detach was the same month I started birth control 💡I went off of birth control in the past because of its effect on my mood, why I thought this time would be any different I have no idea. But I thought back to when I started feeling off and it lined up perfectly with when I started taking the pill. I immediately stopped. For me personally (I am not speaking for everyone here!) birth control does NOT agree with my sensitive system. And ever since I stopped taking it I have returned to peace. I'm here, again. I'm not discounting the circumstances I was going through at the time that made me feel sad and stressed but I am happy to eliminate something that could very well have been making everything a million times worse. Fast forward to today- I did not 'get over' anything, I got through it. It was hard. I felt moments of hopelessness I haven't felt in years. I didn't do everything perfectly. I made mistakes. There were times I wasn't kind to myself out of frustration. There were many times I wanted to give up but I rode the wave- that dark, thrusting and all-encompassing wave. But right now, in this moment, I'm here and I'm so happy to be here! Feeling. Living. Present. And so fucking grateful. In the moments of pain all we can really do is sit with it, be kind to ourselves, and trust.