there are many days that I struggle with feeling like my life is monotonous. unfocused. lacking vibrancy. in the middle of so many everyday tasks that don't necessarily have anything to show at the end of the day, I struggle to remember who I am. there is no reward for loading the dishwasher when it will still need to be loaded again before the day is out. folding 5 loads of laundry doesn't exactly evoke accomplishment when there are 7 more waiting. putting away everyone else's crap in one room seems pointless when all the other rooms are mayhem. I didn't know this would be the majority of my life - motivating myself to do tasks all day long that no one ever sees but me. I'm not minimizing the joy I find in loving and caring for my family...because these small humans I love so dearly are the best people I've ever met.
Somewhere along the way I started to believe the lie that my life as a mom had to look like everyone else's...when in fact my life, my family, my soul needed me to be who I was created to be.
I tried to have a perfect house, but my old, beautiful, imperfect house made sure I knew it was too unique to conform.
I tried to have a perfect marriage by ignoring the things we needed to dig in and work through...but I found that I'll choose an imperfect marriage with two people who are in it for real, than a perfect one that has no substance.
I tried to have perfect kids, but they mess up. and I mess up....a lot. we ask each other for forgiveness and all sides get to see what it looks like to love someone who doesn't always get it right.
I tried to be a perfect version of me...all the while knowing that projected perfection wasn't authentic.
Over the past few years, I've discovered that I genuinely like who I am...and while it took me nearly half a lifetime, I can honestly say I've never felt more like myself...even in the midst of the chaos and heartache and laundry and my never ending need for more out of life.
this long winded post doesn't have a quaint conclusion....just hoping other moms and dads out there can know they aren't alone if they feel the same ache.
Ps a zip on a 4W at 8am in pjs's can really change a persons outlook on life : )