(Blogpost on ig instead, too lazy. Sorry)
My friend Jana told me, it feels like we are such a glass half full without a partner. We go to the movies alone, we have a picnic at the park alone and etc. That's actually untrue. We are our whole individuality, not devided whatsoever.
I feel normal of being alone until people asked me "why are you always by yourself?". Without anyone around me, my head is already super noisy. My world is already colorful. Ideas burst in my head in every second. I want to try and do everything my heart wants to do. I'm full of my self, call me selfish but I care so much about others that I don't want to be a failure. I want to help others grow but I must be strong my self before I lend out my hand. I consider that I help others by being responsible for my money, knowledge, gift and time. I learned to eliminate things that aren't useful for me, even if it's painful. Having a partner to date is one of them. I think it's unimportant and rather destructive. It's like treating someone as a toy. You just want to play around and incapable of dealing with loneliness.
I am already a glass that is filled with my own being. I'm neither half nor a quarter full without the presence of others. There are sun, moon and the whole universe in me. There are a lot to discover just being by my self. There are a lot to learn: The warmth of the kind heart and the the disaster of comitting a sin. The vast ocean of worries and unlimited sky of hope, all in one soul. Body that is driven by only one soul.
Maybe one day insya allah, I can find and meet someone who can empty my glass and fill it with the mixture of the both of us. Filling each other up and make it even better. Hopefully someone who can respect my life choices and decisions, someone who can walk together to the same destination eventhough we have our own ways, we support each other to do kindness and goodness in life for the hereafter and love each other not just to fill in the empty spaces, but because we realize that together, we can fight even better and stronger for eternity. But then again you're responsible for yourself in the after life, focus on yourself because death might comes first.