amandagist amandagist

318 posts   14656 followers   1061 followings

Health Over Hollywood 🎬  Actress ditching Hollywood's bullshit standards Writing, speaking on... ED Recovery Mental health Body image Suicide prevention amanda@amandagist.com

230/365 | #thisisrecovery365
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You know that saying, ‘You’ve survived 100% of your bad days?’ I think it’s really cool. But also, I've finally realized after much (frustrating as fack) trial & error that saying, ‘Hey. Manda. You got this, girl. You’ve survived 100% of your bad days!’ doesn’t do jack for me. Not because it ISN’T true or cool, just because it doesn’t work for me personally. And god knows lately I've needed it. Or at least some version of it.
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So guess what comes next - a way I’ve found to personalize it for myself. Because that's something I do. And then after, I share it with you just on the off chance that MAYBE what works for me will work for you too and make this life thing the tiniest bit easier or better.
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I actually LOOK at Manda. I look at that girl, that woman in the photo. I look at Manda & say, 'Hey. Hey girl,' (Gosling-inspired), 'You've survived 100% of your bad days. You know that?
100% of the dark side that’s presented itself to you thus far.
You’ve survived 100% of the heartbreak,
of the crisises (is that a word? crisises? crises?),
100% of the family issues,
the health issues,
the mental health issues,
the Hollywood issues,
the identity issues,
the emergency issues,
the growing pain issues,
the school issues,
the work issues,
the friend issues,
the just-plain-issues issues.
You’ve survived it all.
You’re here.
Your heart is beating.
Your blood is flowing.
Your breath is ebbing.
You're fucking doing it.
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So we keep going.
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Finding pictures of ourselves. Ryan Gosling-ing the crap out of them. And therefore, unearthing the strength to show up. To just. Keep. Going.
#realrecovery #healthoverhollywood

229/365 | #thisisrecovery365
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Okay, so. I've been getting lots of (really really kind) messages that are sort of in roundabout ways asking what has been happening on my end. Which I get. Seeing as how I dropped off the face of the planet & am slowly starting to come back to life.
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In a nutshell, this beautiful post I came across earlier today from @eatingpsychology.gt basically a summary of what's been going on...BUT seeing as how there's more to it (always, right?) I'm gonna be doing a video talking about what in the hell has been happening & if anyone has questions, I want you to please post them here in the comments so I can get to them.
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Now, to address one last thing that I'm pretty sure' come up: I know I don't HAVE to explain what's going on. I want to. ❤️👌🏼just, like, because.
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Hugs, kisses & froyo coming your way. Xx
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#Repost @eatingpsychology.gt
・・・
Please ❤️
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No negative selftalk #selfcare #selflove #health #healthy #epgt #love #epcoach #iincoach

228/365 | #thisisrecovery365
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On Friday I had to do a hard thing. This week, so far, I've noticed a lot of relief from having done the hard thing but I've also noticed a feeling of did-I-fuck-up?ness.
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And in case you're doing hard things and also asking yourself the hard questions as a result, I just wanna remind us both to hold the vision & trust the process.
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I can't say what happens in the end. Cause I don't know. I CAN say, there's a big part of me that still believes my vision & my process are worth the hard things, and I'm holding onto that with every cell in my being.
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Hold on with me.
#strengthinnumbers
#realrecovery
#healthoverhollywood

Because God knows, and apparently so does @jamietworkowski, we feel way, WAY too much around these parts right now (also: I'm getting the slight feeling this whole feeling way too much shit doesn't exactly ever like go away but there's still time for me to be wrong).
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And in the spirit of feeling way too much, at my house tonight, and just tonight- remembering the only thing I'm responsible for right now are just the moments in front of me- I choose to back away from the self-destructive things & get lost in Jamie's words instead. Because tonight they will save me. And probably many nights in the future, but tonight for sure. And one at a time is all we can do.
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So keep doing it with me.
Xx
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PS- she's SO worried she's missing something. So. Worried. Also, so. Photogenic.
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#realrecovery #towriteloveonherarms #ifyoufeeltoomuch

I have learned something new today: Its very possible that there may be nothing, NOTHING, like helping get your childhood home ready for sale to test your mental health.
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Because, memories.
The good ones, the great ones, the even better ones.
And then the not great ones.
The painful ones.
The shameful ones.
The should'ves & the could'ves & the would'ves-if-I-could-go-back-nows.
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The walls that saw it all, covered with a fresh coat of paint as if to close their eyes on your chapters forever.
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The new carpet that's gonna house new little feet to make new memories.
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And you lay your head on the new carpet, enclosed by the newly-painted walls, and you wonder how the hell you even managed to get through the day. And yesterday. And the day before that. How you swam in a place deep with so many secrets, so much meaning, such oceans of love & of pain, and you somehow did the work that needed to be done instead of drowning.
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That's where the miracle is: in our ability to move through, maybe not so gracefully, but to do it nonetheless. And then after, we've not only moved through, we've gotten beyond.
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We've struggled away from the tide & the depths and we step forward to the sand, to the next patch of solid ground, to see what might be held there for us. #carryonwarrior
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#depressionrecovery
#ifyoufeeltoomuch

199/365 | #thisisrecovery365
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Today I needed a reminder of where I'm at on this obscenity-filled yellow brick road that runs from sick to recovered and all of the many, many places in between.
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I needed a reminder to keep fighting.
To keep pushing forward.
To keep seeing that sliver-sized glimmer of fucking hope at the end that I couldn't see a month ago, or even 2 weeks ago.
To keep resting, marching, resting, marching.
Then resting again.
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I've come so far. And some of it lately, yeah, I've had to do on my own. Like, without even you guys along for the ride. Which has sucked so massively, but had to be done.
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I'm blown away by all the tags, messages, comments during this time. I'm literally blown away that so many people truly, actually, genuinely give a shit. After running this account, with this particular content, for just over a year- I'm STILL blown away. And it'll never be any other way. You amaze me. Every last one of you.
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So I'm getting up, gearing up & suiting up daily so that I can hopefully keep amazing some of you, too- amazing you enough to keep you marching on your own journey. Because you can.
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I'm Amanda Gist. And on a scale of in recovery to recovered, I'm still the one with the y.
#realrecovery
#healthoverhollywood

PS if you're tagged, just...thank you. If you're not tagged it's not because I don't love you it's because I ran out of tags. ❤️

Hi. I know I haven't been here (instagram) very much (also: sorry).
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I've been here (Amen Clinics) instead.
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Thank you for the hope @amen_clinics @doemina.
#healthoverhollywood

Beautiful, compassionate, amazing, wondermous, inspiring co-humans,
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The month of June has been pure hell.
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And not because it's 72958 degrees. But that doesn't help.
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More because Manda meltdowns have increased from approximately once a week to once daily. And some inside stuff I HAVEN'T shared online (there's stuff I haven't shared online?) that's making me feel like a giant piece of crap fraud in my (lack of) writing (because I feel like we're a family and family shares things). Also, full mental breakdown. Which has fully screwed me up. To the fullest. And trying to come back has been hard. Like the hardest.
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But sometimes when you think you're at your bottom, you're not. And that's okay. Because sometimes then when you ACTUALLY reach your bottom, you look up from whatever that bottom is for you and you see people who give a shit. Like actually, TRULY, genuinely give a shit. And you smile, even if it's for the only time that day, because you're reminded that you so have a reason to get back up. Lots of reasons. And they all have a name. And some have an Instagram handle. And some you've met, some you haven't.
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But they're there.
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You're not alone.
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You have reasons.
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And reasons always trump Manda meltdowns.
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So from the bottom of my heart, tonight I just say thank you for hangin' in with me. And I love you. And you're my reasons (among others). And I love you (again). #mystoryisntover #healthoverhollywood

Sunset
+ fresh air
+ good book
+ puppy butt
= the kind of Saturday night that heals hearts instead of breaks them. More of this.
#healthoverhollywood
#spiritjunkie

168/365 | #thisisrecovery365
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So yesterday around 11am I sat in the lab waiting room to get more blood work done, angry at my unused tickets to see @daniellelaporte speak last night. They were sitting on the counter at home, mocking me from afar. Because my recent hospital visit & a trip to San Fran don't go together, and no matter how much I want them to, they're never gonna go together.
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Then I did something new: I let myself be angry.
And I let my heart shatter wide open over an event that I felt in my soul I needed to be at.
And after my blood draw I tried the things to make the anger subside, like doing the distractions & having the good company.
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But ...anger subsides when it's ready & no sooner.
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The unused tickets continued to sit on the counter.
The hotel reservation got canceled.
And my heart continued raging.
And I let it all happen, because what other choice did I have?
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But I did have a choice, and I'd already made it: I had the choice of my health coming first this time.
The choice of wanting my health.
Wanting my courage.
Wanting to move beyond evasion.
And I know if I do it tiny choice by tiny choice, eventually they'll all add up to a big picture.
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So today, instead of angry, I sit here giving myself a pat on the fucking back for making the good choice.
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Even if it means unused tickets.
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#mystoryisntover #healthoverhollywood #realrecovery

165/365 | #thisisrecovery365
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I'm sorry this YouTube is so late after it was made but I still think there's some valid info so I posted it (link in bio).
I'm also sorry I haven't been posting very much.
Also, for some reason I smell like tomatoes & I can only breathe through one side of my nose today.
But I'm still here & still fighting.
Xx
#mentalillness
#realrecovery #healthoverhollywood

Because fighting can't always mean saving, but you're the only one who can make sure that's what it means in your story.
And so it is.
#thisisrecovery365
#mystoryisntover
#healthoverhollywood

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