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amandagist amandagist

332 posts   15005 followers   790 followings

Choosing #HealthOverHollywood  Actress ditching Hollywood's bullshit standards Mental health advocate @AWEinspired_ Survivor Talking... Mental illness ED Recovery Suicide prevention

http://www.healthoverhollywood.com/

313/365 | #thisisrecovery365
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I trust my heart...
I am not afraid.
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#realrecovery
#healthoverhollywood

293/365 | #thisisrecovery365
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Reminder-slash-note-to-self: sometimes the victory is the brushing of the teeth. Sometimes the victory is a doctoral degree. ALL and everything above & below & to the left & right & in between... counts. It all counts. But YOU have to count it.
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See my therapist has made this big, beautiful, brick-to-the-face, glaringly obvious point out of my default setting to not give myself credit where it’s due. Like, for anything. Ever.
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And let me be the first to say, I DO NOT learn from everything my therapist says. I don’t. I wish I did but sometimes it’s all too much and sometimes it doesn’t make sense or sink in but this one finally has. So for the last week I’ve not only been working on showing up for myself with school, work, teeth brushing, showering, eating, homework, gym, etc., but also giving myself credit when I do. And today, I can truly say I’ve done a good job this week- despite current challenges knocking the wind out of me. Hence some quietness.
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So I send love & show upness. And also that credit thing. Xx
#realrecovery
#healthoverhollywood

283/365 | #thisisrecovery365
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I try hard to break, or at the very, very least, challenge, the stereotypes of mental illness & eating disorders here. (Here being in my teensy tiny corner of the online world. Obviously.)
It’s why I post what I do, when I do.
It’s why I’ve uncovered so much of my Hollywood life, with still mountains to go.
It’s why on shit days, I turn the camera on myself.
It’s why I’ll publicly say I’m in eating disorder recovery when I’m not severely underweight, even with the backlash & asshat comments I deal with.
It’s why when I manage to put on makeup through my depression, it goes on my feed.
It’s why.
It’s all why.
And then today, I noticed something strange. Today I noticed I was the stereotypical epitome of depression.
Today I was in the black.
Today my head was covered.
My face was shaded.
My body was unwashed.
My teeth unbrushed.
My eyes were swollen, my clothes were eh, not dirty but not like CLEAN clean.
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I noticed all this when I got home from class this morning. And I got angry. At my disease. And on World Mental Health Day, of all the days.
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I got angry at the parts of my life that haven’t developed the way I wanted & the fact that in looking back, there’s explanations connected with my bipolar & MDD & anxiety & eating disorders.
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And because I got angry, today I also got my ass to the gym- because these days the anger scares me.
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And today my stereotypical, depressed self put up 8 plates (360lbs) on the leg press. Because anger.
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So here’s the thing: I’m not only allowed to be depressed, I’m allowed to be depressed any way I need to- whether that’s stereotypically or not. This is what I learned today.
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So if you were stereotypical today, you weren’t stereotypical alone. And you’re still deserving of help and support and love and, most of all, healing. But also, so am I. And that’s the part I keep forgetting.
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Tonight I cut my stereotypical self a break.
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Love and much-needed-showers. Xx
#realrecovery
#WorldMentalHealthDay

281/365 | #thisisrecovery365
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I had a long conversation with Seester this weekend. One that (gravely) helped me realize I’ve been desperately trying to pour from an empty cup. It turns out pouring from an empty cup not only results in burnout and depletion and hurt, but it also keeps you stuck wherever you are because you mentally, spiritually, emotionally, physically don’t possess the reserves you need to move forward when you’re using your mental, spiritual, emotional, physical reserves for like, all that pouring to others.
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You guys Seester is smart. Me, not so much sometimes. Healing and loving and empathizing and helping has to start from within.
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And so it is.
#realrecovery
#healthoverhollywood

Needed this today. Here it is just in case you do too. Xx
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#Repost @lindsayb489
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Being exposed to traumatic and tragic events like what occurred in #LasVegas can take a huge toll on a person. And, unfortunately, this type of event happens far too regularly in the world we live in. But I think the burden can feel especially heavy for the most tender-hearted individuals, people who feel things particularly deeply. Just to imagine the depth of suffering those affected are experiencing is heart wrenching. But the combination of emotions - heartbreak, fear, and anger - can be a lot, even overwhelming at times. To all the deep feelers, the empaths, and the tender-hearted souls who are having a tough time, please know that you are not alone. Take care of yourself. Be gentle with yourself. Try to acknowledge that the deep love and concern you have for your fellow man is a strength, a demonstration of the depth of your humanity. It is the people who truly care that have the potential to make the biggest difference. Keep spreading love. 💗

Yesterday, I couldn’t write. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t breathe. Yesterday I couldn’t all day long.
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But the thing is, we have to. We have to breathe & think and try so very hard to love. And so today I pulled it together & went to class and am thinking and breathing and now trying to write.
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So this is me, trying to love through the brokenness of the world.
Trying to remind you to love through the brokenness of the world.
And trying to not just shut down over the brokenness of the world.
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Because love can conquer what shouldn’t ever have to be conquered to begin with. #prayforvegas

Hi. I’ve never felt I needed to share this kind of thing, like you know, “defending” myself & my words. Until recently. Cause lately, for as many people as support me or leave me comments with cool emojis telling me to keep fighting, there’s as many who think I should be ashamed of fighting the way I do- which is, God forbid- out fucking loud.
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So I’ll say this: if I had cancer you can bet your ass I’d be fighting out loud. Refusing to sit down. Refusing to be overcome. Refusing to be shamed (except no one would be shaming me- because stigma). Refusing to shut up while I kicked my cancer’s ass.
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My mental illnesses Are. No. Different. And being told they are, being told I should be embarrassed, being spoken to & addressed as if this shit isn’t something I fight every single day and will fight every single day I’m alive- makes me fucking ANGRY.
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So I will keep opening my mouth, keep talking, keep writing, keep fighting. About mental health and mental illness and eating disorders and suicide and stigma and all the things we don’t talk about.
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And if you’re interested or you’re someone who needs an explanation- here. Link’s in bio (also it was hard to keep it to 5 reasons but I tried).
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And happy self care Sunday and sending love and puppy cuddles and now I’m off to do laundry. Ugh, human things (that I’m somehow okay with doing because today, I’m still here to do them). And so are you.
Xx
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#mentalhealth
#eatingdisorderrecovery
#healthoverhollywood

272/365 | #thisisrecovery365
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I’m in the process of learning something new (God will there ever again be a day I can’t say that). You see I’m learning that sometimes you have to look back BUT that there has to be a reason to. And it has to be a good reason, not one of those crap ones.
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Here’s the thing: I’m naturally backward-looking. Part of what my brain scans over the summer did was confirm that my brain functions in a way that focuses on the past; which means I have to work extra hard to look, and subsequently move, forward in my life. Because of that it’s been both weird and equally confusing to be trying to find some foreign balance of looking back when it’s necessary but looking forward, like, the rest of the time.
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Then there’s this: the one time I’ve always heard you have to look back is to see how far you’ve come, right? And sometimes seeing how far you’ve come looks different on the outside:
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Like this woman who looks like a typical weight-gainer (on the outside) who’s actually beaten one eating disorder, fighting a second & has developed a third (on the inside).
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This woman who has now accepted & said out loud that she needs help- and then worked to get it.
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The woman on the right who shows up for herself & the woman on the left who had no idea what the hell showing up for herself even meant.
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Looking back can be scary.
It can be triggering.
It can be depressing.
It can be awful & powerful & meaningless & monumental all at once.
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And in some cases, it can be exactly what you need to remind you to keep moving forward.
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And so we keep moving forward. Together. Because the support that binds us gently nudges us in that direction, showing up one time after another, glancing back when we must before trudging forward into the unknown.
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And whether you’re looking forward or looking back today, I’ve got your hand. I send love and...........well just more love today. And then a little more. Because.
Xx
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#realrecovery
#healthoverhollywood

270/365 | #thisisrecovery365
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Baby rose quartz & I went to yoga class this morning. Yoga class I didn’t want to go to (shocking I know).
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And with all this practicing mindfulness that my DBT is bringing me I decided ahead of time that today I was gonna focus on how good the stretching of my body felt in each pose instead of focusing on how loud my body was yelling ‘wtf are we doing.’
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And with a lot of deep breathing & mental reminders and in between bouts of ‘wtf are we doing,’ I was able to actually spend much of class IN my body & NOT in my mind. Which God knows I needed a break from.
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So now I feel like maybe there’s actually something to this setting intentions thing & ill be trying it a lot more. Or at least a little more. When I remember.
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But here’s the real prize: progress over perfection. And today? Progress has been made.
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Love and yoga-ing and hot chai tea to you on your Wednesday. Xx
#realrecovery
#healthoverhollywood

I've been thinking about deleting all my social media accounts again. Which isn't really news because I think about it often. Usually I can talk myself out of it. This time, this quote has talked me out of it.
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And so it is.
#healthoverhollywood
#realrecovery

Why is there something so terrifying about trusting in who you are? I realize this maybe sounds like a rhetorical question but it's totally not- if you have answers to this great mystery of life slap em in the comments because YOU GUYS.
Why?
How?
How can I be so sure about the content of the latest YouTube vid I've made yet still too terrified & untrusting of myself to hit post?
Why do we doubt ourselves, our gut instincts, our inner voices?
But also important- how do we go about changing this? How do we do the scary thing, the hard thing? How do we suck it up when it feels like there's no air left in our lungs?
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Today- I want you to do something scary. Something hard.
I don't care if it's eating something off your challenge list for you ed recovery-ers or if it's scheduling a therapy appt or wearing a bright color in public.
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Put yourself out of your comfort zone just enough to do it.
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Because it's in the damn scary, hard, messiest things that we GROW.
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So, like, here's to growth.
#realrecovery
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#Repost @beatingeatingdisorders

Selfie. Anyone else?
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#healthoverhollywood
#realrecovery

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