amandagist amandagist

304 posts   15116 followers   1093 followings

Health Over Hollywood 🎬  Actress ditching Hollywood's bullshit standards Writing, speaking on... ED Recovery Mental health Body image Suicide prevention amanda@amandagist.com

https://healthoverhollywood.com/collections/all

So right now I'm sitting in a lab waiting to go back for all the blood work regularly associated with eating disorder treatment. And then some. Like, lots of some.
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The waiting room is totally quiet. Besides the lady talking on her phone loud enough for people in Australia to clearly hear her detailed plans for the morning.
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But with or without her (although my preference is without) the silence is loud today...because pain speaks. Pain speaks loudly & greatly & demands to be acknowledged and felt and paid attention to.
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This speaking loudly and demanding and child-like tantrum throwing by pain happens whether you're sitting in a public place or in a therapy session. It happens whether you're ready for it or not. It happens (eventually) even when you're actively in an addictive mindset using something that numbs your pain. Because like I said, it demands to be felt. Over and over and over until you feel it.
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So as I sit here in this quiet-ish waiting room with the loud lady now having a full blown (loud) conversation with Siri, the quiet is filled with unparalleled pain that's surfaced from both a therapy session this week as well as being in touch with my narcissist this week.
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But I accept this. Because I must. Because that's the work. Because I don't want to be feeling the same pain a year or 5 years or 10 years from now. And because I don't want that for you either, I remind you- we can do this.
We. Can. Do. This.
I promise.
Love and blood and breakfast (soon. Hopefully. For the love of God).
#mystoryisntover #yourstoryisntoveryet #healthoverhollywood

143/365 | #thisisrecovery365
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Sometimes there's not much to say. Because what there is to say is simple, like this: lean on your people.
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You don't have to fight your battle alone.
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You ARE the one who has to fight it; but you don't have to do it alone.
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Sending love and toasted coconut cold brew because, well, spring. And yum. And stuff.
#agmentalhealthtips
#mentalhealthawareness
#healthoverhollywood

143/365 | #thisisrecovery365
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This photo was taken approximately 2.5 hours before I had a complete mental breakdown yesterday. Which is exactly WHY we need reminders that we're warriors
and fighters
and soldiers
and survivors
and our stories aren't over
and we're courageous
and necessary
and allowed
and brave as hell
I don't CARE what anyone else says.
.
The end.
.
Oh, for the last week of #MentalHealthMonth 20% off entire store with code LifeAct20 at checkout + percentage to @lifeact_neohio for suicide prevention.
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Okay, now it's the end. Temp link in bio... healthoverhollywood.com
Xx
#healthoverhollywood
#mystoryisntover
#YOURstoryisntoveryet

142/365 | #thisisrecovery365
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So I had a different quote I was gonna post. One that involved several obscenities. But then my dear friend @shinewithfrannie sent me this and it was like my brain exploded. Because you guys have NO idea how often I doubt myself & the work I'm putting out into this world & my corner of the online universe.
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But I believe my wounds can help heal others. And I believe yours can too. And so it is.
#mystoryisntover
#healthoverhollywood

I don't have to point out the differences here.
I don't have to tell you there's cellulite on my legs in the left photo & not in the right.
I don't have to tell you my chest has been made a bit bigger.
Or that my waist has been shrunken even smaller than it was made by my anorexic phase around this shoot, living on Red Bull, trail mix & coffee.
I don't have to tell you my legs have been reshaped on the right to eliminate the look of any flab or fat or non-toned-ness.
Or that my stomach has been flattened & tightened.
My face has been slimmed.
My torso has been lengthened.
My shoulders made less broad & more dainty.
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I don't have to tell you any of this, but I am telling you. Because there are still people who look at the photo on the right & think it's the female norm- or it should be.
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But when I look at this photo now, my heart shatters for the person in it. For the shell of her former self she became. On a scale of in recovery to recovered- I'm the one with the y, because of her. But the reason I can be proud of being the one with the y & of how hard I'm working? Because of the person I am today.
Love & sweet dreams. And cellulite. #mystoryisntover #healthoverhollywood #eatingdisorderrecovery

140/365 | #thisisrecovery365
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"All the mad intensities that made & unmade me." #mystoryisntover
#healthoverhollywood
#realrecovery

138-139/365 | #thisisrecovery365
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I didn't stick to my schedule this week. The only reason a new vid went live this morning (temp link in bio) is cause I did my hair & makeup for dinner on Mother's Day & figured it's so much work I should film a YouTube video from my list while I was at it. So there's that (I chatted about the depression recovery series I'm starting for those who wanna know what it's about but don't wanna watch).
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Because with mental disorders, however things happen is how they're gonna happen. I woke up today unable to see a point in life but yesterday & the day before we're pretty damn steady if I do say so myself. Because you don't get to choose. You get to be proactive, you get to show up for yourself, you get to research and educate yourself & try different things with the knowledge you gain & hope some of them stick and make your life with a brain disease a bit easier, but you don't get to choose which day is good and which is, well, not good. And there just wasn't enough good this week to make both the Wednesday & Friday videos happen. And so it is.
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I'm hoping my content outweighs my (lack of) true consistency. I love you and I'm sending happy Fridays to everyone & their mom cause I'm so ready for a weekend of rest. And ice cream. Xx
#healthoverhollywood
#depressionrecoveryseries
#mentalillness

137/365 | #thisisrecovery365
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I want you to eat the fucking froyo.
Eat the chips with the guacamole.
Eat from the bread basket on the table.
Enjoy the full fat salad dressing.
The cake WITH the icing.
The breaded shrimp.
The In n Out Burger.
Eat whatever the fuck you want & don't apologize for it.
Don't explain it.
Don't validate it.
Don't regret it.
Don't guilt yourself over it.
Eat it & know these two things, way, way down deep in your soul: A) you are worthy and gorgeous and perfect and lovable and valuable and enough no matter how much you weigh, and B) life. is. fucking. short.
#healthoverhollywood
#realrecovery
#eatingdisorderrecovery

136/365 | #thisisrecovery365
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I wrote a thing on the blog about one of my favorite books & about hiding & making yourself small. It's called the wounds of hiding who you are...w/ @iyanlavanzant (temp link in bio).
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And about now I'm trying to figure out how to connect it with this picture I love that I took out on the search & rescue adventure last week, which is when I wrote the piece.
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And then about NOW I'm realizing I have no idea how to, so I'm going to pretend by saying:
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We are expansive beings by nature.
Expansive like the rolling hills.
Expansive like the endless sky.
Expansive like the air we can't see, but we believe; we know it's there.
Stand up and believe.
Show up & shout out & be you,
Whoever that may be.
For the love of God, please.
The wounds of hiding you are too deep,
Too treacherous, too risky, too altogether avoidable.
Let me see you.
Let us see you.
#yourstoryisntoveryet
#healthoverhollywood

135/365 | #thisisrecovery365
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I somehow skipped a crapload of days because while I was on 128/365, Google told me today's actually 135/365. And I trust Google with this info.
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So here is my 135 post, I guess. Not much of a caption needed...this fits pretty comfortably into, well, life.
#healthoverhollywood
#realrecovery
@crazysexykris

127/365 | #thisisrecovery365
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You guys asked via messages & comments....so I'm answering: Why I Don't Call Myself Bopo now live on YouTube, temp link in bio
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PS I've been uploading Wed & Fri each week (for one whole week) & that makes me PROUD
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PPS Shout if you have a @Barbie Fashionista Curvy....😍
#healthOVERhollywood
#eatingdisorderrecovery
#mentalhealthawareness

126/365 | #thisisrecovery365
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The girl on the left was booked in for @arialv because she had a size 2 waist that would fit into the size 2 @therealdvf wardrobe piece she was to wear.
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The girl on the left was booked because of the shape of her face, her eyes, her lips; the curve of her hips.
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Because of the length and color of her hair.
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The feet, inches & pounds on her casting profile.
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The way her jawline looked from a right side profile.
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The girl on the left was booked because of the braces she wore on her teeth at 14 & the tan & clear-ish skin she presented in the photoshopped photos of her in her modeling portfolio.
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The woman on the right was booked in as a depression awareness & suicide prevention keynote speaker for @lifeact_neohio because of what she's been through & the words written on her heart, in blood.
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She was asked to stand up for brands like @aweinspired_ and @getouttayourhead and @sundaymorningview because of a passion the brands have seen in her work & a strength she didn't know she had. And mostly still doesn't, but she's learning.
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Because of what's inside.
Because of the story being written.
Because of the her she is rather than the character she played.
And no part of this woman on the right is dictated by her waist size, for once.
.
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I think I'll keep her.
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#healthoverhollywood
#eatingdisorderrecovery

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