Shadow & Light
Most of my friends know me happy. Singing, dancing, laughing - in any situation or context. A friend once told me that he only needs one minute to figure out if I am on the party he arrived or not - my laughter usually is so loud and penetrating that he‘ll spot me even if I am out of sight.
But then there are other times. Like now. When I am not so giggly or outgoing. When I have difficulties to motivate me to do anything and avoid seeing people because I feel I will be a burden to them. This week was except of a few appointments and classes entirely for myself. On Monday I painted until 4am on the next day, treated myself with an amazing class by @nicola_troeger allowing myself to let tears run through shavasana, made a raw vegan cheese cake and was also quite productive doing taxes and writing an offer for a consulting job. I met my ex for a movie that was so bad that we decided to sneak out to have good comfort food instead. I met another close friend for tea and both of them gifted me their time listening and embracing me as cranky as I felt.
So in theory this was a great week! I did almost everything I love and will go dancing tomorrow so we’re getting pretty close to perfection -but still, today I canceled to go on a date because I felt like I had nothing to give. That I would have bored this handsome and impressive man endlessly with my powerless, tired and doubting being.
I believe that sometimes you have to face shadow to appreciate the sun again. I know that this is a cloud passing by and the sun will shine again for me. That I will be shining for others soon again.
But I am so impatient for this damn cloud to move again. Spring, where are you? Where is your excitement, the blossoming, when will you lure me out of my cocoon? 🦋