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dajana fabjanovich  taking this twin mama gig one day at a time. loving life (even the messy bits). still in edmonton.

This year has been marked by growth, change, simplicity & unspeakable joy. Motherhood has both strengthened and softened me. I'm proud of the confident resilient woman who's steadily emerging from those early days of self doubt. See if you can top that 42! #thedaysarelongbuttheyearsareshort #motherhoodunplugged #yegmom

I don't know where my babies went, but these two little boys are my heart. #newhairdos #samesillypersonalities

Just when I thought they couldn't get any cuter! A huge thanks to Aunty Linda @barberha for working her magic on our dudes (we pretty much harassed her daily with texts of the boys' unruly 'dos . How could she refuse these faces?). Swipe to see more from their kick ass first haircut including their bedraggled befores. I'll share their final afters tomorrow. Because #mamaistired . #babymodels #icantstopstaringatmychildren #firsthaircut #whodis

Most mornings my breakfast consists of the boys' leftover pieces of toast, fruit or heck even a stray cheerio or two that have landed on the floor. But not today! My friend Lindsay surprised me with doughnuts from @doughnutparty: hibiscus (my fave!), birthday cake (also a fave!), pineapple coconut fritter, s'mores , earl grey & raspberry rosewater. Best way to start the day! Happy almost Friday, friends! 🍩❤🎉 #yegfood #doughnutparty

Tuesdays are my 'Dajo Day.' (Dajo is a nickname my mom gave me.) It's a day, well about four hours really, I have entirely to myself each week. The theory is that while both of our moms care for the boys, I'm supposed to take time out for myself. In reality many of my past Dajo Days were spent running errands, cleaning, going to appointments or grocery shopping--which is super time consuming as most of you know all too well. And definitely not soul enriching. Or happy making. After having one of the most anxious months of my life (I won't miss you January 2017), I decided to make some changes to my life, health, social media consumption and perspective--beginning with these Tuesdays. I'm now spending that precious time connecting, sharing truths, laughing about the adventures & mishaps that come along with motherhood while enjoying a tasty meal at a local joint with a good friend (today @kkoozia & I tried out @grandinfish. It was delish! I could've eaten a vat of the seafood chowder. And those fries!) The grocery shopping & errand runs can wait. These days I'm doing more of what brings me joy with the people I love. #usetheoxygenmaskonyourselffirst #yegmom #selfcare #yegfood #yegseafood #grandinfish

Hope their delicious chubby cheeks stick around for a while longer. Also, first haircuts are due! When did your babies have their first cut? And how did you decide on a style? I don't want to traumatize these kids with an asymmetrical bowl cut (like I had when I was a kid. Thanks mom).

On Valentine's Day last year, we nestled a tiny Oliver next to an even tinier Luka in the Stollery Children's Hospital NICU. We all cried happy tears that day over our dudes' long awaited reunion (they had been separated at birth because of Luka's heart disease diagnosis). And just look at them now--squealing with joy over their eleven day old birthday balloons! What a year. My heart could just burst. Happy Love Day! ❤

This past weekend we celebrated Oliver & Luka's first birthdays surrounded by family and friends (who are family). Our sweet, inquisitive & mischievous chubby bubbas have enriched our lives in a way I could never articulate. Thank you all for joining in on this journey with us. Here's to year two! #wedidit #wesurvivedthefirstyearwithtwins #someonepassmeadrink

#bellletstalk My new friend Jess was supposed to visit on Monday for the first time. I'd been looking forward to it for over a week. We seem to have a lot in common including our twins & the belief in the power of kindness. But the visit never happened. For the first time in my life, I actually spoke my truth & told my potential new pal our visit was a no-go, "It& #39;s not you, Jess, I texted. My anxiety is at a peak. Thought I could manage today. Even baked pumpkin bread last night. I don't usually tell people but I feel I can be honest with you."
I've NEVER told anyone that I couldn't see them or meet up because of my mental health. Ever. Usually I make up excuses or flake out. I was able to be honest with Jess & if felt amazing. She in return was encouraging, compassionate and supportive. Everything I needed in that moment. .
I've had moderate anxiety with accompanying panic attacks & PMDD, for as long as I can remember. I've become adept at hiding a lot behind my smile and goofy sense of humour. I laugh and joke to avoid appearing unglued.
The past six weeks or so have been particularly rough. I realize the first year of motherhood can be challenging but it shouldn't be THIS hard. I shouldn't be waking up feeling anxious, overwhelmed & panicked almost every single day. My head shouldn't be filled with a ticker tape of worries on repeat all day long (are they eating enough? getting enough nutrients? stimulated enough? too much? should I go back to work? is it better to stay home? am I doing a good job?).
I needed to stop pretending that how I'm feeling is normal for a new mama. So I saw my doctor yesterday & told her everything. It was cathartic! I'm now feeling hopeful that armed with a few new strategies, I'll be okay & that my mind and its nonstop chatter will get the chance to rest. Upwards & onwards, I say!
If you're feeling anxious or overwhelmed, please talk to someone. Today I told a few people what I was going through. Their positive reactions made me feel supported & loved. You'll feel the exact same way when you talk to someone, too. You don't have to do this alone. #endthestigma #mentalhealthawareness

These two chubs are three weeks away from their first birthday! I'm alternating between feeling extreme joy and sadness and a myriad of other emotions. Overjoyed to see them thriving. Happy we survived this first year of parenthood. Excited for what's to come. Sad because they're leaving babyhood behind (time truly has wings!). I'm also coming to terms with the fact they'll be my only babies. I'll never be pregnant again. I had always dreamed of having a large family but the reality is motherhood is hard (loving & caring for them comes easy, it's the isolation of being a SAHM that is challenging), I'm older than most and so very tired. Plus I'm not sure I could go through the process of IVF again. So I'm going to soak up these two and their pudge and say goodbye to my notions.

I bought the dress! You are such enablers & I mean that in the nicest possible way. I have never received that many decisive & enthusiastic responses to an instastory (well, except the time I got that speeding ticket). When I went to pay for it the sales attendant casually mentioned it was 50% off. It was a 'start the car' moment! Looking forward to wearing this pretty dress grocery shopping or, and this is but a mere pipe dream, in a solo fall photo session with @katch_studios. Wouldn't that be lovely? For those of you searching, this beauty is the Garden Grown Maxi Dress by @yumikim. Hope you're able to find it! @anthropologie #allkindsoflovelystyle #ykmyway

Afternoon pick me up while a certain someone (Ollie!) boycotts his nap. As an aside the white chocolate raspberry tart & pistachio eclair from @laboulebakery are a must try! #tgif #newbook #allkindsoflovelyreads

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