alisonsudol alisonsudol

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alison sudol 

oh man, thank you for all the beautifully kind, supportive comments! what a lovely thing to wake up to. I hearted so many, the button started malfunctioning. So inspired. Thank you 🌸🙏🏻🌸

it’s very weird for me to write yet another personal post in one night, as I have quite a bit of social media fear. but whatever, I just want to say the last post made me really aware of how much i hate being vulnerable. I honestly hate it so much, I feel totally skinless sometimes and it is so uncomfortable and all i want to do is hide. throw my phone into the toilet. crawl under the bed. yet i know baring one’s soul is the only way to truly connect with another human being or create any half-decent art. both of which are deeply important to me. so annoyingly, I’m realizing more and more that I have to suck it up and be vulnerable and deal with the aftermath with as much awareness and kindness as i can scrape together in the moment. Because I’m really sick of hiding when I share a piece of myself that’s maybe a little bit dorky, maybe not entirely thought-out... a little wonky.
In the spirit of that, I just wanted to share that I just noticed my urge to take down that springtime post, as i felt the exposure of it so sharply it felt like it smacked me in the face. And also just a single very mildly negative comment pretty much toppled all my good feelings over like a bad move in jenga.. god, that game stresses me out. and so i say to myself, really? Are you that sensitive, ali? And yes, really, is the answer. Just noticing the fragility and the humanness in this, and how much I want to fight it, bite it, run from it. And because I’m too tired to fight, bite or run, all I can do is smile at how awkward being human is sometimes. It’s the worst and also I love it. Ok bye.

also look at this face. (he’s not mine- I wish!) little goooooooberrrrr

I managed to catch the most stunning week in England, where spring feels very much sprung... everything is in bloom, birds are downright noisy with joy. it all feels incredibly vibrant and alive. spent the day with some very dear friends, walked in the woods where bluebells carpeted the ground, had some serious animal cuddles, saw a beautiful play (in Norwegian, no less- “little Eyolf” at the coronet)- it was a genuinely lovely day. something about being back here in England now, wrapped in the abundance of the season, coming back to places where I have had some of the best- and also hardest- days of my life... I am just noticing how much happier I am, these days... finally feeling a kind of peace that has always eluded me. I feel like I have left a soul winter behind, and my heart is blooming in a way I didn’t think it ever could. There are many reasons for this- one very big, obvious one which you can probably guess 😊 - and yes yes yes, he is the best... but there is a lot that I want to share about the ooooottther things i have been learning and moving through... because it’s been rough, honestly. I will soon. Am busy gathering it all. But for now, just wanted to say how grateful I am, for this precious season of love and song and tender green shoots. In the depth of winter, it always feels like spring is never going to come. But here it is. It always does.

jet lag has me upside down but peaceful / set nap head wrap queenie hands zzz

excellent travel reading! #pemachodron #whenthingsfallapart #meditation

my weekend plans #reiki

yes stripes + plaids. not an accident, it’s the second time I’ve done this. #rebelwithoutacause

thanks, teabag.

my interviewing skills need work but these kids are amazing #marchforourlives

no more silence end gun violence - did you know this march was organized by a 13 year old? POWER #MARCHFOROURLIVES

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