aliontherun1 aliontherun1

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Ali Feller  ๐Ÿ™ŒFreelance Writer & Editor ๐ŸŽ™Host of the Ali on the Run Show podcast ๐Ÿƒ๐Ÿผโ€โ™€๏ธRunner, yogi-in-trying, likes giraffes ๐Ÿถnamed Ellie

http://bit.ly/aliontherunshow

The Ali on the Run Show is BACK! At least for now. On today's episode, I'm talking about where I've been (in the bathroom), what I've been doing (working โ€” a lot), and why I *think* I've been feeling a little better lately. It's been an overwhelming few weeks in a whole lot of ways, and I'm so ready for this flare to actually end. BUT there have been many glimmers of hope and big and little victories lately (like today, when I went to Orangetheory and RAN for 24 minutes straight!). So I'm basking in those high points, am getting through the low ones (which are still very much present) and, as always, am taking things one day at a time.

Saturday morning running in @centralparknyc. Just as it should be. Current status: on top of the beautiful world, so happy, felt like I could've run forever, grateful, giddy, hot, sweaty, and very likely to be sore from this attempt at a toe touch. Crohn's disease is funny, and by funny I mean unpredictable and annoying. On Wednesday, I woke up in so much pain, was in the bathroom for HOURS, and actually cried because I felt so sick. Then today I got to feel like my old self again, at least for a little while. I can't make sense of it all right now, but I'm gonna bask in it for as long as I can. (PS The secret to a solid jump shot isn't about the jump, it's about the photographer, and @lauraannwalsh is the best there is. Kinda psyched I can still almost pull off a toe touch, but also kinda can't stop looking at that damn flexed left foot.)

URGENT: THIS IS MY NEW NEIGHBOR. HIS NAME IS RENO.

I RAN TODAY!!! First run in more than a month, and it felt slow and hard and amazing.

Thank you, body, for cooperating for a few hours at a time for the past few days. Yesterday, I went for a bike ride AND got to take Ellie for a walk and a swim. I wouldn't say I'm on the upswing or that I'm necessarily feeling better, but I will say that the few good hours that have come my way have been very much appreciated.

BLADES OF GLORY! (Bought rollerblades. Took 'em for a spin. Smiled the whole time. Fell once. Hard. Made no bathroom stops. Got caught in a torrential downpour. Can't wait to do it again.) *Video not indicative of max speed and proper form. Def peaked around an impressive 4 MPH.

Pretty sick and kinda sad, but hanging on and taking this whole Crohn's thing one day at a time. Being sick is kicking my butt and my brain right now, so I'm just taking some time offline for a bit. (#antisocialmedia) I'll be back with new episodes of the podcast, constant Ellie updates, and sassy Insta Stories as soon as I'm ready!

Brushin' up...on a Tooth-day. (I AM VERY PROUD OF THIS CAPTION. I hope you like it.)

My alarm went off at 6 so I could get all my work done before heading to Rhode Island later today. I got up, used the bathroom (duh), then crawled back into bed "just for a minute." I woke up again almost two hours later with this little face nuzzled right in my nook. I think we both needed the extra Zzzzzs. Thank you so much for all the love and kindness yesterday, IRL and internet friends. I may be feeling sickly, but I'm also feeling so very loved and grateful. (If a little behind on my work...) Have a great weekend! #iwokeuplikethis

I am struggling a bit today. I woke up this morning with my head in a great place. I've been sick and flaring for two months now, and while my physical state has stayed pretty consistent, my emotional state has wavered. There have been some tearful days and some frustrating ones, but there have also been some really good ones. Today, I was determined to have one of the great days. I wouldn't let my body hold me back. I was all, "You got this, Ali." ๐Ÿพ

But it's only 9 AM, and today has already been hard. Because it's difficult to maintain a positive attitude when you spend 2 hours in the bathroom all morning. When the pain in your stomach just won't. let. up. When you can't even take your dog out for a quick "potty walk" because you can't be more than a few feet from your own potty. When you have to bring your computer โ€” and your conference calls โ€” into the bathroom with you to work from there. (Don't worry, I'm a master at the mute button.) When you work yourself into a panic because you're so anxious about your IRL meeting โ€” about needing to embarrassingly run for the bathroom in the middle of it, and about having to try to explain. ๐Ÿพ

Crohn's owns my life right now. I haven't seen a sunrise or sunset in months. I can't sleep without my trusty BFF Ambien. I haven't seen my friends in what feels like forever. I can't take care of my puppy (and had a full-on meltdown dropping her off at school this morning โ€” normally she loves it, but today her tail went between her legs and she didn't want to go in and I lost it, feeling like the worst dog mom ever because I should be able to take care of her myself), and I keep flashing back to last summer, when I was so healthy, so active, and so happy. ๐Ÿพ

I hate to go into "woe is me" or "life's not fair" mode, because I know I still have things pretty good in life. (The fact that I saw Celine Dion live in Las Vegas two weeks ago is not lost on me!) But having a chronic illness is hard. The unpredictability is frustrating, and feeling like I have no control over my life or body never gets easier. I love so much about my life, but I hate fighting this disease. (But clearly Ellie is doing OK at school...) ๐Ÿ’•

NAILED IT! #nevergiveup

Zero bathroom stops. I ๐Ÿ’•my ๐Ÿšด๐Ÿผโ€โ™€๏ธ. Now unplugging and shutting down for the rest of the weekend in favor of napping, dog parking, and podcasting with @lindseyhein626! Happy weekend!

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