#metoo (check the video on my FB page)
last night I found it impossible to fall asleep, remembering and coming to terms with all the sexual harassment / non consent / abuse I (we) have experienced. some things that I am so ashamed and confused about that I don't know how to open up about them.
as a female musician, I've almost become numb to the constant and incessant sexual aggression, manipulation, unwarranted touches, too much information. I used to get shocked at the dick pics I received on my fan mail, angered that they were satisfied in knowing they had forced that image on me. but being a female in the public eye, one must expect this kind of harassment, right ? wrong. It cannot be quantified and excused as a just a part of the territory. just do better. that's what every victim of this epidemic is asking mankind. do better.
the last few years I've had a serious problem with a stalker, who's continuous harassment, death threat and manipulation have suffocated me and to an extent stopped me from doing what I love the most : playing music on the street. After dealing with cops who have said 'well, did he touch you?' and realising how flawed the system is in terms of protecting people like me from people like him, I am now, with the help of lawyers and a pretty badass female cop, finally close to getting him out of my life.
what's hard is that I used to be so open and kind to every person who spoke to me after shows and now I'm having to be told to expect that kindness leads to people taking advantage of you, right ? well fuck that. I'm not gonna change who I am because of men that think your kindness is an invitation to fuck with you. I'm gonna try keep my heart wide open (while simultaneously smashing the patriarchy). a girl can dream right ?
my heart goes out to every victim of this, especially those who are too afraid or traumatised to speak out, those who are being triggered by all of the statuses about sexual abuse. the hardest thing about the #metoo campaign is realising that victims have become responsible for educating people and that it takes thousands of us speaking some hard truths for people to acknowledge how widespread the violence is.