akashagm akashagm

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Akasha  🕴🏼

Channeling all my anxiety into splotches of watercolor

Spring feels like a magical fortress of becoming 🌸🌼🌷

(Scroll to see multiple images) ✨ For the past year or so I've felt so distant from my identity of being an artist. There's a sense of deep-rooted shame within me when I share my art, and it's kept me from creating much of anything. I've even stopped journaling for the most part, which has been a staple hobby/passion of mine for my entire adolescence up into adulthood. These are all from an incomplete scrapbook I started during a really bad phase of depression this fall and winter. Looking back at them reminds me that no matter how much I may hate my creations in the moment, I'm always grateful to myself when I choose to put things together. Reflecting is important for me. I'm feeling more bad more inspired lately to share my art again, and to create again, and it's such a good warm feeling I want to immerse myself in again and share with all of you. Whether I hate my art or feel proud of it, I want to share it all because there's no shame in creation.

Solitude is my most intimate lover

This page is from my journal exactly one year ago when I decided to move to Bend to go to community college. I had already been to two community colleges before that, and had even tried cosmetology school to implement some of my restless creative energy. I realized later on that all of my decisions to go to different schools were made because I didn't realize I was capable of doing anything different than what society expected of me. The fact that I never graduated middle school or high school, decided to get my GED at age 16, and have dropped out of four different colleges in the past five years does not make me any less valuable to this world and I'm glad I know that now. I can't even tell you how deeply imbedded my shame was that I wasn't functional in a school environment like everyone else. The system didn't agree with me and THAT'S OKAY. I've been out of college for about 8 months now, and I've never felt so fucking amazing and capable and determined in my whole life. The school system always made me feel like a slave. I loved learning, but I hated feeling like my own talents and input didn't mean anything. The system programs you to be the same as everyone else. Our culture hates originality. And it breaks my heart. Someday school may be right for me, but there are so many other opportunities for growth out there too.
Also, clarification: I am not shaming education by any means. I really do want to go back to school one day, but not when I feel pressured into it. I am so grateful for my experiences, and that I have the opportunity to go to college if I want to. I am just stating my own experiences with school in general up until this point. It's okay to have no idea what you want to do with your life. But for me, I'm chasing my passions and they happen to be leading me elsewhere ❤️

My only wish for my 22nd year is that I become one with manzanitas

Happy place :')

Archetypes of Fear, Worry, and Self Doubt

There is so much to look forward to... As I dive deep into the wounds that hold me back from my own blossoming, I shed layers of skin, I withdraw, I immerse, I transform. I become more and more deeply involved with myself. Honoring both your light and shadow aspects is crucial to knowing, honoring, and respecting yourself fully. The road ahead is a magical one, but I am fully involved with the sweet taste of the present 🌻

💚

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