This page is from my journal exactly one year ago when I decided to move to Bend to go to community college. I had already been to two community colleges before that, and had even tried cosmetology school to implement some of my restless creative energy. I realized later on that all of my decisions to go to different schools were made because I didn't realize I was capable of doing anything different than what society expected of me. The fact that I never graduated middle school or high school, decided to get my GED at age 16, and have dropped out of four different colleges in the past five years does not make me any less valuable to this world and I'm glad I know that now. I can't even tell you how deeply imbedded my shame was that I wasn't functional in a school environment like everyone else. The system didn't agree with me and THAT'S OKAY. I've been out of college for about 8 months now, and I've never felt so fucking amazing and capable and determined in my whole life. The school system always made me feel like a slave. I loved learning, but I hated feeling like my own talents and input didn't mean anything. The system programs you to be the same as everyone else. Our culture hates originality. And it breaks my heart. Someday school may be right for me, but there are so many other opportunities for growth out there too.
Also, clarification: I am not shaming education by any means. I really do want to go back to school one day, but not when I feel pressured into it. I am so grateful for my experiences, and that I have the opportunity to go to college if I want to. I am just stating my own experiences with school in general up until this point. It's okay to have no idea what you want to do with your life. But for me, I'm chasing my passions and they happen to be leading me elsewhere ❤️