abilosli abilosli

1,974 posts   2,121 followers   2,205 followings

Abi Losli  Learning to pay attention. Artist. Airbnb host. Fan of dance parties & good conversation. Fascinated by water. Talking books @abilovesreading 📍Oregon.

Well, we’re in love. Meet Selah Grace Losli, born 30 October 2018 at 1:20am. She came in at 7 lbs 3 oz and 20.25 inches long. We are completely smitten with this girl, and we’re so glad we get to be hers. She’s lighting up our lives already.
.
Beyond grateful for the incredible team of people who helped us welcome her into the world and who have cared for us so well. I’m learning so much about what it means to celebrate other humans by the way our people have been celebrating Selah. Thank you.

Happy due date, sweet girl. You are so loved and we can’t wait to meet you and get to know who you are and see who you’ll be.
📷: @micahlosli

Let’s not talk about how basic this is or how far I had to lean over to get this image. I still love it. Let’s talk instead about this.
.
Pregnancy feels like one of those spaces where it’s hard to be honest about my own story and how I’m experiencing it. I’ve found myself putting so much pressure on myself to feel certain ways or ignore other feelings in order to honor other people’s stories or keep the peace that I lose some of my own in the process. I’m learning how to navigate this. There’s surely room for the hard and good and struggle and gifts here.
.
Last week one of the daily EnneaThought emails suggested paying attention to a few Type Nine tendencies, like the tendency “...to minimize problems and conflicts, and to defend the illusion that everything is okay in your world.” Immediate thought: oh I don’t do that. It’s fine. Except, I do sometimes. I don’t want to disrupt connection. Sometimes I want to maintain a particular image so that I can slip into a situation and feel like I belong. Sometimes that image changes based on the people involved.
.
Telling you last week what’s been true about how I’m feeling was a small practice in moving out of that tendency. It was a much needed reminder that honesty, transparency, and vulnerability with healthy boundaries actually moves me into deeper connection with people. It’s worth it to sit in the tension instead of always trying to avoid. I needed the reminder that I’m actually surrounded by people who love me so well, face to face and on the Internet. I’m not alone and isolated, no matter how loudly anxiety tries to shout that lie.
.
Thanks for being part of this with me. I’m really grateful for you and feel overwhelmed in the best way.

39ish weeks feels like probably the right time to move the go-bag list from my head to an actual bag. These peaceful colors and tiny items are a gift, and so is the person they’re waiting for.
.
This part of pregnancy is harder than I expected, maybe because I successfully avoided thinking about the stressful parts until “later”, and now it’s later and the hormones are flooding and the anxiety is real. Enneagram Type Nine over here, hi. “Be present” is becoming my breath prayer, and I’m finding myself grateful for the circumstances and people encouraging me and inviting me into what’s true. These really are good days, as much as I try to avoid the discomfort of the unknown and end up trying to control everything. It’s bumpy and good.

A visual reminder to myself today that things really do grow from these small starts, no matter how slow or dark or dreary it feels in the waiting.
.
It’d be generous to say I’m bumping into my own unrealistic expectations for myself, others, and circumstances today. It’s more like body slamming, really. So it goes. It’s okay and it’s worth it to make space for staying in the tension of growth and learning how to let go and trust.

Lately I’ve been hands deep in cleaning, cooking, prepping, organizing, and sometimes painting. It may not always be creative in the way I hope, but all of this work with my hands has been keeping me grounded in a way that feels important as we approach our girl’s arrival. I’ve always been afraid of and stressed by the unknown, and so finding myself in these ordinary known moments where I need to engage with my hands and body has been a gift.

Sorry kid, looks like you’ll probably be pretty bald for awhile. I mean, your parents certainly were.
.
Seeing our baby pictures side by side last weekend did lend some increased suspicion that our girl will probably appear hairless for the first part of her life. I’ve been trying to hold all expectations loosely during the process of this pregnancy and easing into parenthood, but, well. I’ll be really surprised if she has discernible hair. These pictures have been cracking me up, and now I’m really curious to know if she looks like one of us more than the other, or if the trio of our photos together will all look strangely sibling-like.

I’m curious about where this change in season leads, what it will look like meeting a new, tiny human who comes to us as a near stranger and how it will be to navigate postpartum life during the grayest, dreariest days of the year. I worry about it a little. The unknown here intimidates me.
.
For now, I’m choosing to celebrate how it feels today to look up to a sudden downpour, the rush of gathering supplies in case it stops as quickly as it starts (it did not), to see what these raindrops do on the paper this time. This season is good, these are good days.

Inspired by memories of the ocean observed from aboard the R/V Pacific Storm, June 2016. 4 inches by 4 inches, acrylic on wood panel, 2018.
.
If you are faculty or staff at Oregon State University, get yourself on over to the Triad booth on University Day (happening 11 September 2018). This tiny painting will be raffled off as part of a gift basket full of other objects from past Triad speakers.

Grateful for the creativity, time, and energy that went into celebrating our girl today. She has great people in her life already and I’m so glad she’ll get to experience what it’s like to have people so for her from the beginning.
.
It’s been some kind of week full of a lot of feelings, and I’m so, so grateful to be ending it feeling so loved.
.
P.s. isn’t this balloon installation my sister made the cutest? It will probably stay up in our entryway forever or until the washi tape gives out. Just feels like an important reminder for now.

Continually discovering new places where paintings exist. I want to say they hide here, but I think I’m just learning to see.

I woke up this morning expecting that I already knew how today would go: I’d still feel defeated, discouraged, alone, make slow progress, and have low energy. Then I realized, wait, I don’t have to believe that it’ll be that way before I even experience the day. Maybe that’s how it’ll go down, and also I don’t have to assume the worst. I decided I wouldn’t. I’d choose to assume better. Great. Let’s do it.
.
Nothing changed, not right that instant (does any one else actually expect things like this to change right away? Because I do.) I still didn’t want to get out of bed. I still felt like I might be slogging through mud. I still felt stressed. I did get up, and I did choose to eat a good breakfast. I did choose to pause with Jesus, practice my morning pages journaling, and I chose to practice yoga. I chose to write out all the ways this week has actually been full of beautiful connection with people and meaningful progress forward with projects. I made a to-do list with small steps I can realistically take today. I sat down with my paints and played. These are things that help me feel more connected and like a real human when stress takes over.
.
Slowly, slowly, my feelings are catching up to all the small choices I’ve been making today. I’m staying in the hope more than the stress. I’m still having to plant myself back down into the truth when I start to feel swayed by all those little stresses that come throughout the day. I’m still only making a small amount of progress, and I still don’t have the energy to be wildly productive, and that’s okay. It’s enough.
.
It feels a little silly to talk about stress and hard parts when big picture my stuff is actually pretty simple. That’s okay, too. It’s all relative, and this is what being honest about my story right now looks like. It helps me to say it, and who knows, maybe there’s something in here for you, too. Thanks for being in it with me.

Most Popular Instagram Hashtags