I woke up this morning expecting that I already knew how today would go: I’d still feel defeated, discouraged, alone, make slow progress, and have low energy. Then I realized, wait, I don’t have to believe that it’ll be that way before I even experience the day. Maybe that’s how it’ll go down, and also I don’t have to assume the worst. I decided I wouldn’t. I’d choose to assume better. Great. Let’s do it.
Nothing changed, not right that instant (does any one else actually expect things like this to change right away? Because I do.) I still didn’t want to get out of bed. I still felt like I might be slogging through mud. I still felt stressed. I did get up, and I did choose to eat a good breakfast. I did choose to pause with Jesus, practice my morning pages journaling, and I chose to practice yoga. I chose to write out all the ways this week has actually been full of beautiful connection with people and meaningful progress forward with projects. I made a to-do list with small steps I can realistically take today. I sat down with my paints and played. These are things that help me feel more connected and like a real human when stress takes over.
Slowly, slowly, my feelings are catching up to all the small choices I’ve been making today. I’m staying in the hope more than the stress. I’m still having to plant myself back down into the truth when I start to feel swayed by all those little stresses that come throughout the day. I’m still only making a small amount of progress, and I still don’t have the energy to be wildly productive, and that’s okay. It’s enough.
It feels a little silly to talk about stress and hard parts when big picture my stuff is actually pretty simple. That’s okay, too. It’s all relative, and this is what being honest about my story right now looks like. It helps me to say it, and who knows, maybe there’s something in here for you, too. Thanks for being in it with me.