_hoap_ _hoap_

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Tony Kern  Sharing my art and my struggles with the world... never quite certain that either make an impact (imposter syndrome forever 🖤👻).

I get to take this excited little lady to sign up for ballet for the first time! I don’t know who’s more excited honestly, I only get so many moments like this before she’s big enough to do all this for herself. Cherish the time you have with them while they are young, and look forward to the new adventures that will come 💖😭😍. #ariaisaboss #littleballerina #flowers #love #luckyme #dadlife

My most favorite creature that has ever existed, in ghost form of course... fitting, no? 👻🦕💖. #giveusatriceratopsemoji I have recently been faced with the toughest career choice of my life, the past three weeks have been hell, stressful, crazy, panic attack inducing hell (I deal with stress so well, like a pro, oh wait no I’m a dang ol’ mess when it comes to stress 😵)... But it’s over now, and I’ve come out the other end in better standing and hopefully happier. I finally feel a bit of myself coming back, and this is the first piece I’ve fully finished in weeks. Feels good, hoping to keep it up, I suppose we shall see 😊💖. #jurassicworld #triceratops #dinosaur #dinosaurs #dinosaurtattoo #pink #painting #illustration #illustrator #penandink #watercolor #watercolour

Today, a day like every other day, I turned 32 😵. What do you do on your birthday? I finished making this... a little thing... that will possibly become another little thing... at some appropriate point in the future 🎃👹👻🖤. It’s July now so I’m pretty much already living in Halloween mode (and don’t you judge me, we all need our escape devices). I love you all, I hope this little guy made you smile a little today, that would be the best birthday present of all! 😍🖤 #sappyaf #loveyouall

#illustration #halloweenpin #illustrator #halloweeneveryday #pumpkin #otgw #overthegardenwall

Families belong together. Something even the smallest of us know.... without needing to be told it. Let’s fix the fact that some of us seem to not get this at all. Wonderful poster designed by @phoebewahl, an inspiration, inspiring others to spread a beautiful message! #throwinshadeattheestablishment #familiesbelongtogether #keepfamiliestogether #reunitefamilies #makeamericaloveagain

I think that I may take this for granted. No one is coming for me or my children. No one is threatening to tear the fabric of my family apart. No one is using us as hostages to bully legislation, that goes against basic human decency, through our government... I am lucky, that is it. I was simply lucky enough to be born here; things could have gone differently for me, I am partially the result of immigrants, I am mostly Samoan and Irish, so damn look at that, I’m the result of immigration all the way through. Here is the kicker, so are almost all of the fucking people in this country; remember the part where we aren’t natives in this land? People want to paint this subject as having a side, throwing blame at this or that... guess what, it’s my fault! It’s also your fucking fault, it is the fault of every single human in this country who has sat back and done nothing, put absolutely no thought into the way we treat our boarders until the most intense shit hit the fan. How are we to blame one single thing when this is the culmination of so many years of stagnancy in our government? We’ve allowed it to get this far by allowing the status quo to be upheld, which has allowed horrible, misguided, oppressive men to be in such a position of power. Now, nothing short of screaming at the top of our lungs until we are broken and bleeding from the strain will suffice, we need to use every tool we have to enact change! Use your voice, use your votes; there are marches being organized to happen on the 30th of this month, find out a way to participate in one! This country is slipping into scary territory, too many people are defending the policy of separating families because “that’s the only option we have” and I call bullshit! I’ve linked to a really good starting point resource in my bio, please take a moment to look into it, take a moment to do the simple things it suggests, some of these things take minutes, minutes to lend your voice to help those who’s lives will be changed by what is happening to them, right now, forever. I love people, but right now, I hate what we are becoming, and I’m just as mad at myself for not being a louder voice. #weneedchange

What’s this??? Two posts in one day.... I’m sure like two people will get to see this post, ugh #algorithm , but I’m pretty happy with this piece. I got loose with it and tried somethin a little different, wanted to try to keep the spirit of the old school care bear water color pieces I remember from my childhood. This is an experiment for a bigger piece I’m making for someone and I hope the rest of it goes as well as this did. #cheerbear #carebears

Believe it or not, this piece took me about a month to get done... most of that time was spent belittling my self for my inability to make a Chihiro design that I was happy with, or that didn’t make me want to quit drawing all together. I tried to get her right on and off for two weeks... abandoned the piece for a week after that, and once if finally got her to where I was happy, took another week to get the rest of the design done/get it lined and painted. This all ties into anxiety. I’m trying to figure how to deal with that in better ways right now, I’ve had a rather bad couple of weeks. I had arguments with my wife, and by arguments I mean that I’ve lost my temper, screamed at her for no reason, taken out my frustration with myself on everyone around me, and been distant and cold to those who are most important to me (my wife and my children). Why am I putting myself on blast right now? Because I need to address it to bring light to how much of a monster I let my mental disorders make me, because I need to say that I know who I am, and what I’m capable of, but that I am not these mistakes. I am not these moments of failure. We talk a lot about how much people like myself need to be understood, but do we understand ourselves? Do we know what we are doing to others, or do we use our damaged brain chemistry as a shield from the responsibility we should be taking on? This cycle of anxiety induced aggressive behavior where I am quick to anger or lash out at people was only stopped when my wife (who’d been trying this entire time) got me to finally admit that I was clearly having an episode. There is so much shame involved in situations like this for me, and it becomes this self perpetuating thing. I’m anxious, I’m depressed, I’m despondent, that all makes me feel shame and sadness that I can’t bring myself out of it, which makes me more angry, which I then take out on the world or really on those closest to me... and the cycle repeats. We need to get better at taking ourselves out of it, at seeing the shame and moving past it, I’m broken, but I’m not unfixable... things are just difficult, and I think admitting that is part of healing. #honestyisthehardestpolicy

I just adore this picture, plain and simple. Aria, looking up to her new favorite freakin thing, made by Auntie Pinks, who she looks up to so much and is probably her second favorite person ever (let’s face it the order is probably: Mom, Mab, Dad... I know my place, and I’ve made my peace with that 👻... but still use the qualifier “probably” because I’m selfish and want to be everyone’s favorite 🙄💖). I will never tire of singing the praises of the women who are in Aria’s life. Her mother, and her many adopted aunties show her she can be anything she wants to be, do anything she sets her mind to, and never base her self worth on a male. @mabgraves @suziqzikern you guys inspire me to no end! 💖👻💖

#ariaisaboss #love #rolemodels #grateful #luckyme #dolllife #dollies

Check out my recent stories for all the info on this and many other paintings up right now 👻🖤💖. I love all the people who have, and who continue to make me feel like my work is worth continuing, thank you 😘. •

#illustration #illustrator #ghost #flowerart #flowertattoo #tattooed #artwork

So often I start a piece and loose my way on it, like instantly... this is one of those pieces, but, luckily I have a couple people in my house who refuse to let me give up! Suzi and Cash were very very insistent that I finish this, sometimes it’s hard to see in yourself what others see in you; I am super guilty of that. I’m so grateful to have people in my life who lift me up, and let me know they think I’m better than I think I am. I’m naturally a defeatist, I naysay my own abilities constantly, and if you ask me I will struggle to tell you I think of myself as an artist. I wish I had more confidence. Since I know that’s not who I am, I’m just gonna sit back, and enjoy the fact that no matter what I think of myself my family truly adores me, and appreciates the things that I do, and the work I create. Validation is a tough thing to talk about, I think it makes people feel egotistical, or selfish like they don’t deserve to be told what they are doing is wonderful, but we all seek it in one way or another. I hope that everyone who gets what I’m saying here finds their own source of validation. It is a natural need, and doesn’t have to be a taboo subject; embrace your desire to know what you are doing is worth while! 👻🖤✌️

#noface #kaonashi #studioghibli #anime #animelove #animelovers #foodie #watercolorpainting #art #artist #illustrate #illustrator #illustration #illustrations #arts_mag #artshare

I love mornings invaded by sleepy bed headed children, and my sweet old lady of a dog. 🖤👻🖤

#luckyme #ariaisaboss #love #morninghangs #morninghair #bedhead

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