_.living_for_me._ _.living_for_me._

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Annika  My journey with mental and physical disorders 17 🧚🏻‍♂️ Believer ✝️ Homeschooler 🏡 Loeys Dietz ♥️ Suspected pots😵

Little appreciation post for my new air plants/Tillandsias!
I am not sure what type they are or their scientific names but man are they beautiful and I love them! The first picture is of my largest air plant and he is flowering! I think by this time next week he will be in full bloom! The second picture is the smallest of the bunch. He has red tips coming out and I believe he is supposed to flower soon! The third is the air plant I have had for a few months. I thought I had killed it but it miraculously survived. The forth picture is where they live for now. I have them upside down because I just watered and I don’t want them to rot!

Last night I couldn’t sleep and my whole body was itchy red and bumpy. I don’t know what I was reacting to but whatever it was my body did not like it what so ever. This morning it has calmed down but it’s still itchy in some places. Little doctor update: we have an appointment with the Doctor that saw my aunt on the 9th. He carved out 1 1/2 hours for all three of use so we would have time to talk to him. So I am looking forward to that (but also I’m real nervous about it) what do you do to help with Doctor appt nerves?

Recently I’ve been super tired and everything has been hurting a lot more. It might be the weather change or the fact that I’ve been doing a bit more lately. But I’m really feeling it today. I did my math lesson and gave my dog a bath and I’m already ready for bed 😂 I still have things to do so I’m giving myself sometime to rest than it’s on to the next thing. Which is either clean my essential oil defuser or practice piano. For now I’m just going to lay on the couch and watch YouTube.

Thank you so much @boxesofsamshine I love it! Definitely going to make myself some tea now!

I made this my lock screen a few days ago, it’s really encouraging for me, because I feel like I can’t do a lot of things because of my anxiety or it seems too scary. In reality I can do it it’s just going to be hard and/or scary. Getting better isn’t easy but it is so worth it in the end. I want to be able to do things like go out to eat and go shopping without having panic attacks. Instead I’m stuck in my house because I’m terrified to do anything. I went to a church district convention on Friday, we stayed the night at a church. It was so hard but I did it which I thought I wasn’t able to do. I encourage you do make something like this your lock screen or hang up an encouraging poster that you’ll see every morning. When ever you feel like you can’t do something because of anxiety look at the picture/poster and meditate on those words. It really helps but you have to let it! Tag me in a picture/post of your encouragement! I would love to see it!

April 1st 2004 was the last day I saw my Grandpa Wagner.
If you don’t know me very well this is why I don’t like April Fools day. I was only 3 when he died so I didn’t get to know him very well. What I do remember is how he would run his scratchy beard on our faces when he hugged us and how he always had a story to tell us and even I (a toddler) was entertained by them. He is one of the many many reasons I look forward to going to heaven.
I miss you so much Grandpa! ❤️

This weekend trip was really fun I was able to see all my cousins and my grandma and my great grandma. Even though it was a short trip it was exhausting. I’ve been resting and recovering all day. I was able to get some things done I babysat and did my daily devotions and yoga so I don’t feel like I’ve wasted today. I was going to take Sophie on a walk and clean a bit but my knee pain got too much so I sat down here and haven’t gotten up since. I keep thinking about getting up to get a ice pack but that’s about as far as I’ve gotten xD

I tried @life.with.stripes to walk to start day one of #getstrongwithmickey but my knees had other plans apparently.

My mother and I have started seeds for the garden! I’m so excited! She has four raised beds and she is letting me have one this year! I’m growing pumpkins cantaloupe corn egg plants and a few others. I love love plants so much and being able to eat what I grew is going to me awesome! Do you guys have some hobbie you love to death?

#spoonie #spoonieproblems #healing #keepgodfirst #letgoandletgod #loeysdietz #loeysdietzsyndrome #recovery #doingthisforme #chronicillness #gettingthroughit #zebrastrong #chronicpain #jointpain #plants #garden #seedstarting

Eating disorder pt 3

If you or someone you know are struggling with eating disorders or self harm and truly want to get better. Because before you can recover you have to want to recover. The. Reach out! Ask for help! Weather it be a family member a friend or a hotline like 741-741 that hardest part is admitting you need help. If you need to talk to someone I am always here. I know everyone says this but it does get better it might not feel like it right now but eventually it will be better!
Here are some numbers if you need to talk to someone that I have used in the past.
Suicide prevention hotline:
Texting crisis line:
I know there are a lot more then this but these are the ones I have used and that have helped me so much.
Remember you are not alone!
#eatingdisorderrecovery #eatingdisorderawareness #selfharm #recovery #itgetsbetter #eatingdisorder

Trigger Warning eating disorder pt 2
The way my father reacted was horrible. No one should react the way be did over anything their kids have done. He chased me around my house yelled at me none stop asking why would I do this to myself everytime I tried to explain he would cut me off and tell me what a horrible thing I had done and that if I didn’t change he didn’t know what he would do. After all of that my mom would make my meals and sit at the table until I had eaten everything. This went on for a few months until my mother thought I was well. But as soon as she stopped keeping a close eye on me I started it all over again. I lost even more weight I was down to 115 pounds. Around this time my friend tried to commit suicide she was at her house alone and she took a bunch of pills. I thought for the longest time that It was my fault because I was at her house before it happened. She was rushed to the hospital and stayed in the psych ward for 3 months. When she came back she didn’t even go to her house before seeing me. During her stay at the hospital I realized that If I didn’t stop doing what I was doing I would end up killing myself. I started to recover from the eating disorder. I drew this picture to represent my eating disorder. She is a monster who made me believe that she was perfect and that I needed to look just like her. After I decided that I need to change. My life was so much better. I started to love my body and show it off more. I hung out with my friends a lot more and ate foods that I loved. The self harm stopped around this time too. It got really bad 6-8 months ago to the point of where I needed to get stitches but I didn’t. But now here I am on the other side of this horrible time in my life. I still struggle with my body image and urges to self harm but I am better and I am getting better everyday. I have also helped other get better in my personal life and online. My best friends went through the same things (differentially but the same things) me getting better started a sort of domino effect. My friend told me she threw away all of her self harm tools. My other friend broke up with her abusive boyfriend and started eating again. 2/3

Trigger warning eating disorder, numbers and weight
My Eating disorder started around the same time the self harm started. Which was 2014 so I was 12 years old. I never had a good body image. I always tried to hide my tummy and my thighs or else people would make fun of it. After I started self harming I made an account for my self harm and Ed. That’s where I learned all the tricks on how to starve myself. I had pictures but I lost them when someone reported my account. So these pictures I am showing you are different stages from that time. The first is right before things started to get really bad. The second is when things were bad but no one noticed because I was “too heavy to have a eating disorder” the third I took as a sort of body check in the middle of church because I couldn’t stand how much food my grandma had made me eat.
The forth is middle of summer at my work. I would go to work so I had an excuse to not have to eat all day. I would wear my Fitbit on my ankle so I could still record my steps and calories burned without getting it wet in the dish water.
At first I just started to workout more and count calories. Then it went to workout out twice a day and not eating lunch. Then three times a day and only eating dinner on the days I couldn’t get out of it. My weight before I began starving myself was around 150-160 my height is 5’8 within a year I had lost 40-50 pounds. I was so skinny you could see all my ribs and my hipbones while I was standing. I was never comfortable because i was so bony. I had a thigh gap which I thought it was impossible because of the way my body is built. My body was so cold all the time I would wear two pairs of leggings and jeans three tee shirts and a sweatshirt and I was still cold.
Then came the binging. I would go days without eating then I would eat a days worth of food at night. After I finished eating I would make myself throw up until the only thing I was getting up was bile. I don’t remember a lot from this year and months following. I tried purging in the shower but my mom found the half digested food. She and my parents found out about my eating disorder. Pt 1/3

It’s official. I have Type 3 Loeys Dietz Syndrome. My sister has it too. Which we were not expecting. This means 4 mris and heart echoes are next... so my sister mother and I are all crying on the couch right now. I am not surprised that I have it but at the same time knowing makes it really real which is scary.

#spoonie #spoonieproblems #healing #keepgodfirst #letgoandletgod #loeysdietz #loeysdietzsyndrome #recovery #doingthisforme #chronicillness #gettingthroughit #zebrastrong #chronicpain #jointpain #officallydiagnosed

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