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Jennfern (the human plant🌵)  never lukewarm


i was at the gym for two hours yesterday and i was in this zone of just not thinking. my skull was just empty, it was almost trippy. it was probably the first time in a while i felt at peace. and as soon as i left, i immediately craved sushi. so... #yum #foodporn #먹스타그램

you know you've achieved a level of sadness when you're up at 2:00am, at the cash register of a 24hr convenience store, covering the counter with processed snacks and microwaveable meals. you come back home at 2:07am to the television on because you can't bear the silence of your empty studio apartment. you sit on your bed with your bag of cancerous goodies and listlessly watch dish soap infomercials and sand documentaries until your eyes can't stay open and your stomach is so full you have to take a dump before you go to bed. you go to sleep immediately once your head hits the pillow and dream the weirdest shit because of the shit you just ate and shat out. when the sun's up, you wash up and get dressed to go to work. you walk in with a smile plastered on your face because your coworkers know you "the cheerful one." you laugh and laugh and tell them they don't know what they're talking about because, really, they don't. everyone feeds off of your artificial energy and gets on with their lives while you sit at your desk and wonder how the hell did you end up here? #anime #random #vibes

less 기집애, more chapped lips #셀카

i feel good today. but the moment i realized i feel good i start to doubt it. so now i'm in limbo. depersonalizing. trying to separate my mind from my body. the feeling is like this photo. we went to a place where there's no horizon, where the line between land and sky disappears. i don't remember this; i was much too young. but what i would give to go back and have mushed sand between my toes on the warm, foggy shore of some floridian beach and not think. i want to feel present. #throwback

to me, anxiety is like a black hole. in the pit of my stomach. it sucks in everything and anything that is good, wringing them into blackness and i can feel them turn into threads being swallowed into me. like some cycle, i feel as if i'll cough up, strings, constantly in the back of my throat; i try to pull them out but more try to crawl out. i can't breathe; i'm gagging. heaving. retching. but all that'll come out is my spit. anxiety has me hunched over, my hands clutching onto my shirt, my fingers searching for an off switch. make it stop. anxiety has a hold on me so tight, even on good days i refuse to pick up a pen to draw. to write. when was the last time i wrote anything? i write to forgive but i can't seem to forgive myself. thinking now, how i haven't written, my hands quake, my throat tightens. anxiety takes away my self-worth and i feel like shit and i don't know why. or maybe i do and i'm just lying to myself because i'm so good at lying to myself when, at the same time, anxiety continues to nibble the back of my ears and tells me i'm shit. man, i suck. round and round, back and forth, i know, i don't know, you got this, no you don't, you're happy, you're not. i imagine what it's like to not wake up to tomorrow. i lie in bed awake at 3, 4, 5am because i refuse to believe tomorrow is today. why (am i breathing). why (do i get like this). why can't i stop?

“From the bottom of my heart, I wanted to give up; I wanted to give up on living. There was no denying that tomorrow would come, and the day after tomorrow, and so next week, too. I never thought it would be this hard, but I would go on living in the midst of a gloomy depression, and that made me feel sick to the depths of my soul.” || Kitchen by Banana Yoshimoto #quote #전 #먹스타그램

i am not the pretty daughter you want me to be; i don't wear skirts and play tennis and giggle with my hand over my mouth; i don't sit still or straight; i complain and groan; i take things for granted sometimes and i can be so damn selfish; i eat a shit ton of junk food instead of chicken breasts; i like weird things and have weird habits; i nitpick to the extreme; i rarely show affection because physical contact makes me uneasy; but despite my indecisions, my indifference, my flaws, my awkwardness, my frustrations, you love me through and through. #mothersday #thatfannypacktho #90sfashion

"I would drive along Route 84, looking at the ditches, thinking about what it would be like if I just didn't turn, if I continued, into the cement embankments, my car wrinkling shut like an eye closing, my body, chewed as if by a giant lazy jaw. I wanted to wake up and not feel." || Edinburgh by Alexander Chee #quote #empty #throwback

no doubt about that #anime #homebody #recluse #relatable

eating so much breakfast, you begin crying out syrup and sweating sausages. #vsco #tgif #yum #foodporn #먹스타그램

still managed to get sunburnt. ☀️ #blueberrypicking #countrybumpkin #spring #practicingdunks #swish

bed hair; eevee cap; large hoops (before the ☀️ melted off my face) #ootd #pink #셀카

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